Cookiemonks

Heard

2011-08-13T10:45:00.002-05:00

I'm reading this book that is changing me, and last night it spoke very clearly that I needed to step back from this internet world for a little while. Then, I went to read this blog and found she was doing the same thing.

I hadn't read her in months, and that is what I found in the 5 seconds before my computer died from lack of charge. I think the message was pretty clear.

So my plan, my goal, my desire, is to stay away until next Thursday, and come back to this world with gifts of word and spirit and creativity that I can't summon right now.

I'll be able to tell you about our last days of summer, Wednesday's first day of school, and meeting Minnow caretaker for the hours I'm in class.

I'll still be around in email and text messages for anyone who needs me. You all are my support system, and I thank you so much for that.

Until Thursday...

Crazy Cajun

2011-06-10T18:37:00.003-05:00

Our favorite Cajun place moved. We aren't even sure when and if they'll reopen, and there's been a VOID in our food life ever since. It was the first place we took each of the older boys out to eat as infants.

When I was listening to the radio a month or so ago, I heard a man speaking in a horrible Louisiana accent about The Cajun Shack. I couldn't remember where it was after just one listen, so we didn't go.

Then, after Twitter/Facebook peeps posted about eating Crawfish I got crazy jealous. Crawfish, y'all, are so delicious.

So the next time I heard the add on the radio I took note. Literally. I wrote myself a memo on my phone with the address and location.

We went last week for dinner and Holy Gator Tails, Batman, it was fantastic. The boys got cheeseburgers bigger than their heads on the kids' menu, Husband got gigantic fried shrimp and dirty rice, Minnow got popcorn shrimp and I. got. my. Crawfish.

They were spicy in that way that makes your lips burn so you have to lick them over and over to sooth them. They had a citrusy flavor to them that had me peeling them way before they were cool enough and biting my fingers to stop the intense heat form sinking into my skin.

The music they played was exactly the right volume, and included Nirvana, The Violent Femmes, and that 'Dare You To Move" song that came out when I was pregnant with Winston.

Perfect.

There were boudin balls on the appetizer menu. I've been thinking about them ever since; planning my next meal there.

So andouille and boudin both made it into the grocery cart this week. The plan that formed in my head was crazy but I went ahead and grabbed sweet potatoes, yellow cherry tomatoes, spinach, and that white summer squash that looks like a sunshine flower.

The sausages, potatoes, and tomatoes were broiled on kebabs in the oven with Tony's and garlic powder to season them. The squash were sauteed in butter, salt, and pepper, along with a heaping pile of scallions, that wilted down and then got a little crunchy around the edges.

I put a big pile of baby spinach down on our plates (the grown-ups, anyway) and squeezed lemon juice all over it. The squash came next, in softened moons, and then two kebabs were unloaded on top of that. The scallions became the garnish, and with a little more lemon juice it was mighty scrumptious.

It filled the void, temporarily, but we're planning to take my MIL to eat at the Cajun place soon. The crawfish are calling me...

Breakfast Cupcakes

2011-06-09T09:05:00.005-05:00

This recipe was thought up on Facebook a few weeks ago, and after my lovely heckler (Hi, Mz. Sandy!) reminded me of my goal for this blog, I made today the official trial date.

Here are the ingredients:

1 Package Martha White Sweet Cornbread Mix (and the eggs and milk to mix it)

6 large eggs, scrambled and seasoned to your liking (mine had a good dash of both sea salt and black pepper, and a splash of half n half)

Salsa, either red or green.

Shredded cheese; a Mexican blend or sharp cheddar both worked well this morning.

Cupcake directions:

Fill each opening in a 12 muffin pan 1/4 to 1/3 full with cornbread batter. Fill 1/2-2/3 with the scrambled eggs, and then plop in about a tablespoon of your preferred salsa. Top with a heavy sprinkled layer of shredded cheese and bake until super fluffy and golden brown.

Frosting Ingredients (because all cupcakes require frosting!):

1 8oz. container whipped cream cheese

2 big, ripe, avacados

3 limes, halfed and squeezed for juice

A handful of cilantro, finely chopped or snipped

Heavy shake of garlic powder

Slightly less heavy shake of Tony's

Directions:

Stick it all in a big bowl and whip with the hand mixer until fluffy. Taste, and then make inappropriate noises in your kitchen.

When the cupcakes cool, frost generously and devour.

If I make these again I'll put them in actual cupcake wrappers to help seal the bottoms. Nothing fell out, but the salsa weighs the batter down quite a bit.

What If...

2011-02-13T15:30:00.002-06:00

I revamped this space into a food blog?

I'm thinking daily pictures and food in a Bridget Jones Diary kind of way. Yes? No?

It's pretty much my only constant topic except for that little side writing I do. *ahem*

Let's see what happens.

That one

2010-09-23T14:16:00.003-05:00

My Magic Minnow Boy will be one year old tomorrow...

I'm still not quite sure how that happened. How did he become this scrumptious walking pumpkin who knows my name?

He was the one I was waiting for. The end of my pregnancy with him was so frustrating because I knew we needed him so much and it was taking so, so long.

Who is he? I want to write words to describe him without pasting him down in a way that's not bright enough.

He throws his head back and pooches his lips out like a fish when he pouts. He presses his hand to his mouth like, "kisses, Mama, kisses" when he wants me to come and get him instead of walking.

He's just started the Baby-Booty-Shakin-Dance. He especially loves the cheesy songs the boys' toys play, the Name Game, and Single Ladies. Funny Boy. The song that will always be our is "King of Anything"...

If Winston is like a fragile gift that someone left me to love, and Wednesday is like a permanent attachment to my body, then Minnow is just mine...

He is ... so expressive with his eyebrows, to a comical degree. He loves his brothers fiercely and they love him back in a way that still shocks me. The big boys fight and wrestle and howl at each other, but they adore that baby.

I think my husband is still kind of shocked by him as well. He is so fully himself, and has been since the moment he was born, that it's astounding to think he can't even speak yet.

I feel like this is my forever family. Finally. These are my boys.

I love you, pretty baby. You made my heart fit right. You make me love your brothers better and cut your Papa enough slack to see things clearly.

Happy Birthday...

Comfort Me With Apples

2010-09-09T16:32:00.002-05:00

This morning we remembered to eat our apples and honey.

Then we all preceded to be extremely grumpy at each other all morning.

Then it was nap time. Not even Harry Potter could bring us together.

I'm declaring the rest of today a Comfort Day.

Right now that means extra coffee, extra SpongeBob, and a yummy snack.

Later, it means trying out new pasta shapes with dinner: Ditalini and Radiatore.

Before bed, it means giving Harry Another go, and adding as many extra stories as Mama's eyeballs can stand.

My husband's blood sugar has been finicky all day and he's bringing home a disk full of Winston's very first baby pictures.

Comfort...

I have two new pink-topped stools in my garage.

My Amber sent me the link to this recipe, which may very well happen on Sunday for Grandparents Day: http://realmomkitchen.com/27/german-apple-pancakes/

Minnow will be One Year Old in 15 days.

For Starters

2010-01-02T17:34:00.003-06:00

My Grandmother began making her own bread every week when I was really little. It was a recipe given to her by a friend that has now become something looked forward to by 2 generations of young people. My cousins and I called it "Grandmother Bread", the newest generation has deemed it "Gigi Bread".

She sent us home with one loaf when we left her house on the 28th of December. That night, when we got to NM, I put it in our little fridge and we ate it the next day for snack.

It traveled home with us. Half a loaf of the treasured bread. It is the kind of thing that is almost too good to eat, so I always have to throw the last bit out from sitting too long in the fridge.

I have asked my Grandmother before for her recipe, but the need for a starter and long travel time back home has prevented me from recreating her bread at home.

Yesterday, one of my most admired online friends led me to a website about creating my own start to the Gigi Bread tradition and I was ecstatic. With familial food feelings abounding, I decided to make my Mama's roast and called her for her recipe.

When I came out to the front of the house today while the boys all slept my house smelled exactly like my Grandmother's house does when we come to visit her. Smells of day long cooking and practiced recipes and warmth. It was shocking to me that I could recreated that smell.

I sat down with a cup of tea to look through my newest Paula Deen cookbook while my babies dozed. I adore Paula's cookbooks for very similar reasons as those smells I was conjuring in my kitchen. After many mouthwatering recipes I came upon one for the very kind of bread that my Grandmother bakes religiously. It is a recipe that's been passed down through the Deen family for generations.

Even though it's not the same as my Grandmother's bread, it is so close that it felt like a gift. And with my mind full of memories, I mopped up the last of my dinner, alone at my table, with a thick slice of the remaining Gigi bread. Now I know I can give my boys this gift even when my Grandmother is far far away.

Starter is a living thing. A life long commitment, if I want to make it. It's a fresh start.

In a Blue Moon

2009-12-31T15:36:00.003-06:00

I had an existential crisis on Christmas Eve. I lost my purpose and it scared me so much. It was my husband's birthday, the baby turned 3 months old, the older 2 were sick, and we were supposed to leave the next day on an 8 hour car trip.

I cried, I thought thoughts that I really shouldn't think. It was just no good.

The excitement I usually feel on Christmas Eve was not there at all and it was completely depressing. "Santa" was not happy to give her gifts. The cookie baking lead to fits, the bike for Winston was a complete failure, and all the day's events were leading to the worst Christmas of my adult life.

But then the big boys wouldn't sleep and I started to get nervous about the presents I needed to arrange in secret. The nervousness led to much cherished excitement and I got everything done about the time it changed from Eve to Day on Christmas.

The Day was pretty good. I may write about the gifts that were really successful, but mostly I just want to remember the boys playing all day long, the relaxed "it's Christmas" feelings, and being able to pull together a stellar Christmas Dinner when I thought we weren't having anything but leftovers and candy.

We left on the 26th in a surreal mood. The trip was going to be long, and yet we really didn't care. We were in the van, we were traveling, and it was going to be ok.

Being with all of my Father's family usually makes me want to scream and hide, but this time I relished it. I loved every person I saw, savored every bite of my Grandmother's food, and was even better to my boys that I ever am at home.

After some time with my family we went to NM to see The Mr.'s Dad and his wife. We were snowed in and the feeling was indescribable. We were stuck, if only for a few hours, together. My boys, big and little, and me, in a kitchenette hotel room. The window in the little kitchen faced north, and when Winston woke up he ran to the window with his Papa and said, "Mommy, look! It's snowing!!"

The boys played in the snow, sat at the table to do newly gifted art projects, and swam in the hotel's indoor pool.

We went to visit Grandfather and Lamb (husband's father's wife's maiden name, and the name I'll use here when writing about her) the second day of our trip, after naptime. The Mr.'s father was so grateful that we'd come, even if our only visiting was done in the hospital waiting room. He told me my husband's nickname as a baby as I watched Lamb tear up. We didn't know if he was ever going to make it out of the hospital.

The morning before we left, we took the boys to see them one last time. The Mr. and I were both anxious. It could have been the last time he ever saw his father alive. My husband pulled out the fancy new shirt our boys had chosen for him for Christmas to wear that day and I knew he was feeling a loss even if it hadn't happened yet.

The last thing his Dad said to me was that he hoped he'd make it out of the hospital.

Lamb called yesterday evening when we were just a couple of hours from home.

Today, my FIL is going home. Home to his house, with his Lamb. They asked if he wanted to stay through the weekend, and he chose to leave early. I am so happy that he made it out of the hospital, and so proud that my little ones visiting may have helped him to get there.

Tonight, there will be a Blue Moon in the sky. I want to go home too. I want to find my home inside my own insides, and curl up in my bed there.

Today I have listened to music, read a chapter in a real book, and tried to give myself some room to breathe. My purpose, rather it remains the same, is slightly revised, or radically different, is in there somewhere. I don't want to feel any loss that doesn't yet need to happen.

I can let myself go home once in a blue moon.

Status

2009-12-22T17:04:00.002-06:00

We are 3 full days and a little extra from Christmas Day. We have Winston and Wednesday on antibiotics for bronchitis, and the Mama is seriously stuffy-nosed with a frog in her throat.

I need oranges for stockings, another gift for my mother (the handmade thing I had planned didn't happen), and I really wanted to get The Mr. a couple of more things too. Oh! The 24th is also his birthday, so I'm cooking an extremely parred down birthday meal for him. I usually do a Feast of the Seven Fishes type thing, but I just don't have it in me this year. The grocery store and Target both need to be visited tomorrow.

The plans, as they stand, are to open non-Santa gifts on the 24th. Our has-accidentally-become-tradition Christmas breakfast will be served that morning. We were also going to take the boys to Grandma's house to see their cousins and get their biggest Santa gift that day. It's a good thing I put them together in my MIL's garage, as it looks like that's as far into Grandma's house as we'll be going.

We had planned to leave as soon as we were done with Santa's offerings on the 25th to drive about 8 hours to my Grandmother's house. The 27th we're supposed to drive another 220 miles to see The Mr.'s father and his wife in New Mexico. The boys need more long pants, the baby needs a warmer hat, and we need snacks for the car (see need for grocery store and Target).

So, ummm, HOLY MOLY YOU GUYS.

We have sickness, we have travel preparation with a new baby, and we have unfinished Christmas/Birthday stuff.

I am slightly overwhelmed and extremely calm all at the same time. I guess that's Christmas.

Alive and Well

2009-12-16T17:09:00.002-06:00

Hello, Beauties!!

I'm an awful blogger, I know. But I'm here, right now, so...Ta da!!

We are all doing pretty good these days. Winston is so big. I was four feet and eight inches tall in the fourth grade. My oldest son is two inches away from being four feet tall and he is four years old!

Tomorrow is his big Hanukkah show at school (where he is reading and ready for Kindergarten, according to his teacher). He has an assigned seat where I have to bring him in the morning so he can get his flashy golden gelt costume on. We are both very excited.

Wednesday is still the most silly and hilarious boy I've ever known. He turned three, you know, and he is most assuredly not a baby anymore. Now, if we could just get him to potty in the potty it would be glorious. He is right at the age where he is so very big, but I can still scoop him up for spontaneous snuggles without much of a fight.

Minnow is huge. He is divinely cute. Minnow is my favorite snack and just the most snuggly bug of a baby I've ever known. He is laughing, and squiggling, and charming everyone he meets. He got fussy in Barnes and Noble yesterday and caught the attention of the four or five ladies in line. I turned him toward the Giant! Yellow! Gift Wrapping! Sign! and he started laughing. He won over every single one of those women in a flash.

What else do I need to tell you? Thanksgiving was darn tootin'. Whatever that means. My food turned out better than it ever has in the past. Wednesday had two friends come and play on his birthday. They decorated enormous sugar cookies, are squash-berry muffins, and played outside until Winston came in and said, "I'm having a big problem out there, Mommy! I'm too tired to be nice anymore!".

We're spending Christmas at home; a tradition my Mama started in my own family that I appreciated then and do even more so now. A visit to my Grandmother's house and The Mr.'s Dad's house are in the works for after Christmas.

The Mr.'s Dad fell about two weeks ago and broke his leg. They expect him to be fine, but he is tired of being in the hospital and kind of down-in-the-dumps. His wife sent the most beautiful quilt for Minnow with the entire alphabet embroidered on it. His name is at the bottom, with a well placed "Z" to finish it out.

I think I'm just rambling now, but I've missed you so, little blog o'mine.

Some questions I've been pondering: What is a good way to introduce Karate to Winston before he starts once a week next year? Have any of you ever cooked turnips and LIKED them (I really want to try them this holiday season)? Does anyone have a good, Christmas-y, molded, jello salad recipe? I've always wanted to make one of those too.

Love to all of you.....

First Things First

2009-10-05T09:58:00.003-05:00

This post must be written before the one about my gorgeous new baby so these thoughts won't contaminate his loveliness. Let me preface this by saying that I love my mother and I very much appreciate her coming down here to help before, during, and after the baby was born.

BUT

I'm still bitching about all the things that she screwed up while she was here. I was going to let this go, but I just opened the package of onsies she bought for Minnow and I can't contain it any longer.

The Kitchen:

She does not rinse the dishes before she puts them in the dishwasher. My dishes don't get clean. She puts them away DIRTY. Then, I have to inspect each thing she put away and put at least half of it back in the sink so SOAK and then be washed again. I love when people do my dishes for me; except her. And she will do them even if I tell her not to. There is no stopping her. Also, she puts things away in the wrong places. Bowls with the tupperware, serving spoons with regular ones, cookie sheets with pots and pans. It's just really frustrating.

The Laundry:

When Wednesday was born my mother did at least 10 loads of laundry in the time she was at my house. Not one of those loads was actually dried all the way. But she folded those damp clothes and piled them on our bed. So when I got home from the hospital I had a bed full of mildew-smelling clothes that I could neither wash or fold by myself. My husband had steam coming out of his ears. This time, she did less laundry, but succeeded in DESTROYING the Big Brother shirts I HANDMADE for Winston and Wednesday. Like hand-sewn patches, hand lettering, iron-ons. They are ruined, and I'll have to re-do them now. The other laundry she did was, of course, not dried all the way. I managed to rescue it from her clutches right after getting home from the hospital. Lastly, she bought the baby an outfit he already had, in the same exact size, and would not take it back. And the onsies she bought?? They say "I am the boss", and "It's all about me". NO, MOTHER. NO. Good golly, Miss Molly.

The Children:

After being with her for any amount of time they were like demons on crack. They were rude, mean, and did not listen to anything that my husband or I said. This was not a helpful occurrence with a newborn in the house. We had two of the worst mornings ever in the history of our family as a result of morning visits from my mother (my Dad was here too. But I don't have anything bad to say about him. He follows my rules, is calm when the boys need him to be, and cooked dinner for us). Just GAH.

Me:

She kept trying to be all lovey with me. I don't do lovey with my mother because she takes it WAY overboard. I tried not to grimace and flinch, but it was really difficult.

The Hospital:

The morning we were going to the hospital after taking the boys to school, my Dad called her about 6:30 to make sure she was awake. She told him we were all still sleeping and that she didn't need to get up. She didn't get up until 7:45 when we needed to leave by 8:15. AND she went to get ready just as my husband was walking to the bathroom. We were so close to being late for everything because of her. Both times my obgyn came into my hospital room during my stay my mother my snoring like a dying elephant on the couch bed. I was already up and dressed and my mother is laying on the couch snoring so loud that the nurses kept looking at her like, "Shut UP, Woman!". It was embarrassing.

There are a lot of other things. But that's enough that I feel cleansed and better now. Thanks for letting this be a ranting place. Once again, I'm glad she was here, even if it was hard to put up with. We couldn't have gotten me in and out of the hospital without her.

Baby Boy's Bloggy Badge

2009-09-05T11:19:00.002-05:00

So, I have narrowed it down to two options for the soon to be born Little Mister's blog name. I have a favorite, but I wanna know what y'all think first! Let me know which one fits with the other boy names in the comments if you wanna...

1. Woods: Implies nature, has the descending syllable thing with the other boys names (Winston, Wednesday, and Woods). Plus, it's a slight play on the origin of the baby's real name.

2. Minnow: This was kind of hubby's idea. Instead of having 3 W's, flip the third one upside-down to make an M name. This one ends in a W though, so the flow is good. Also, it's funny to think of this guy as Minnow when he appears to be so HUGE. Adorable word as well!

So, whatcha fink?

School Rules

2009-08-20T09:45:00.004-05:00

When the last session of summer camp started after a two week break this year, I was overwhelmed with how sad I felt. It wasn't the reaction I expected from myself, especially when you consider what a handful Winston (and Winston and I together) had been during camp's intermission. But there I was, bawling my eyes out, clinging to the boys and wondering why in the hell I paid for more camp when it felt so wrong to send them again.

That singular reaction started a thought process that I'd been trying to avoid for at least 2 years: Homeschooling. Suddenly, I felt like maybe there was a reason why I gravitate toward blogs written by homeschoolers, and why I enjoy planning learning activities so much. Having been bogged down in a constant struggle with him, a method of reconnecting with Winston in a meaningful way that we both thrive on was an imminent option. Storytime, during projects, and planned activities were our only saving graces during most of the summer. Would homeschooling allow those peaceful times to expand and improve our relationship? Also, keeping Wednesday home and teaching him things in a setting where he felt comfortable, instead of him weeping at school drop off, came as a welcome relief, even if it's not quite time yet.

So I got on Amazon until the wee hours of the morning and searched through books. Then I went to the library, list in hand, and checked out everything I could on homeschooling. I started reading, and encountered far more positives than negatives in the books I'd found. There was only one instance when I just couldn't finish a section for the principle of it.

Then one day, I happened to be on Facebook when my former voice teacher mentioned spending the afternoon doing math with her 7 year old. Remembering that my mother had said she was homeschooling I sent her a message almost immediately. Was she homeschooling? Yes. Could I talk with her about it and ask questions? Sure!

It was fantastic. Someone I knew as a teacher and friend had already been teaching her boys at home for three years. I asked her everything I could think of, kept reading, and then asked more questions. What did her typical day look like? How did she teach part-time and homeschool simultaneously? What method did she use? Curriculum? EVERYTHING.

I looked up everything she said online and had another brain flash: One of my best friends from High School was homeschooled until she was a freshmen! Again, I very quickly sent her a message and hoped for the best. I wanted her impression now, of how being taught at home affected her. She responded right back, and had nothing but excellent things to say about her experience. As one of the most artistic, creative, and expressive people I know, this was very exciting.

But as this break between the end of camp and the start of school stretched on, I got nervous. Winston loves school, and is in a very good environment right now. Could I really take him out of there and provide something even better? I had just started to think that maybe I was getting in over my head when I woke up in a panic Monday night.

There was a meeting for the parents at the boys school Tuesday evening. The bubble of our experimental "homeschooling" learning (I want to tell you more about this, I even have pictures!) was coming to a close, and school was about to start. I went to the meeting and left feeling pretty heart-broken. Hearing everything through my newly educated ears was so sad and worrisome. The main focus of the directors entire speech was money and not being late. As I sat reading, I saw that they even included the states guidelines for "healthy" lunches in the handbook! As a parent, I am already following Kosher rules (for the school), my own families dietary needs (husband is diabetic), and keeping in mind any food allergies that may be present in the boys' classroom. Please don't tell me them, to include "healthy soups" in lunches when there is a very clearly stated rule that they won't reheat anything for longer than a minute.

Sigh...

On top of all of that, the new director repeated to all of us that she'd had to reassure some parents that the could pick their children up early or only send them three days a week. This was really disturbing to me. We are talking about pre-school. It's not required, and we're paying for our kids to be there. Of COURSE we can pick up our kids early and send them when we deem appropriate!

Winston's teachers were awesome. They're well certified, in love with their jobs, and eager to teach. The assistant is actually my preferred person for him, but the main teacher worked with him last year quite a bit when one of his teacher's hurt her arm. But there was one thing that the head teacher said that just ruffled my feathers like nothing else. She mentioned wanting a better play kitchen for her classroom, and then that she wanted to make the little house next to it into a doll house. Up to here it was all fine. Then she said "for the girls". The kitchen, dress-up clothes, and house were "for the girls", while the carpet with roads on it (!!! not exactly exciting) and the train table were "for the boys". I think she must have gotten a look from more than one of us because she corrected herself and called it "dramatic play". This may not seem like a big deal, but Gosh Darnit if I haven't worked for my boys entire lives to teach them that it is ok to play however you want to. If you want to dress up? Then do it! If you want to imagine you're a chef, or cooking dinner, or changing a diaper, or a dancer then you are more than welcome. ...It just really ticked me off. I'm not interested in gender stereotypes AT ALL. My boys have trucks and wagons and trains and super hero toys, but they also have a play kitchen, a tea set, a baby sling, and dress-up clothes.

I'm going to send them this year, even though Wednesday weeps every time I mention it. He'll get two weeks to settle in and adjust. After that, if the crying continues I'm just pulling him out. I'm going to pick them both up before lunch everyday, and after nap, we are going to learn something fun everyday with Mama. Because when next year comes around, I think we're staying home.

I have a lot more that I'd like to write about when it comes to this decision, what others might think about our family, etc. So if y'all don't mind reading it I'd love to keep going in another post!

He Dreamed a Dream

2009-08-05T07:23:00.002-05:00

Wednesday, right now this morning, as best I can recall:

"There was a FishLady and a GirlPapa and da GirlPapa bit me right dey onna arm (points to his forearm above his wrist)!!" He bit you? "Yes he bit me right dey, and I screamed like this: ahhh (very quiet scream)". Like that? "No, like this! AHHHHHH!!!!" Oh My, and what else happened? "And the GirlPapa was mean! And dey put da fish back in!" They did? Where did the fish come from? "Da FishLady's neck!" The fish came out of the fish lady's neck and they put it back in? "Yeah! Right dey (points to the front of his neck)!" What else happened? "And the GirlPapa went back to his blue stuff, and the bite came off!"

And then right now, he walked up and added:

"On the wall in my dream there was a mean song, it was a biting song!"

I don't ever remember Winston articulating a dream so clearly, and that was completely unprompted. He just walked up to us, after loving on his cat, and told us all of that very animatedly...

"I had a dream last night, and it looked just like a dream" -Gibby Haynes

Right Now

2009-08-01T08:24:00.003-05:00

I am officially 4 years younger than the Happy Meal this year, and as always, 2 years younger, to the day, than MTV.

In 55 days I'll be the mother of three boys and last week my husband asked me if there was a Baskin Robbins in town.

Last night, he brought home an ice cream cake with "26" piped in crooked numbers on the front.

It's butter pecan flavor, which just happens to be my MIL's favorite. Maybe the pilfering was for a reason.

This morning, a new pink camera made it's way into my hands. The beach is forthcoming as well, and now I don't have to make my own cake.

14 MP, 5X zoom, hopefully some friends, a cranky 4 year old, a chirpy 2 year old, and a husband I cannot imagine life without.

Thank you...

The days before

2009-07-31T09:22:00.002-05:00

Last night, while pilfering the ice cream I'd bought for tomorrow, The Mr. told me, "It's not even close to your birthday yet". How dumb of me to buy ice cream two days before so we could take it to his mother's house. I even got HER favorite kind. I bought cake mix and frosting too, because Winston especially expects for their to be cake when it's someone's birthday. On the frozen foods aisle Wednesday looked at me and said, "I want to come wif you to your birfday, Mommy." My birthday is just at home this year.

That's perfectly fine with me. I have issues with my own birthday anyway. We lost our first baby a month before the biggest birthday celebration I've ever had (Vegas!), and got pregnant with Winston less than 2 weeks later. Maybe that's why it seems so insignificant. I didn't really begin until Winston was conceived and born. It just feels wrong to celebrate too much the person I was before they all came.

Last year, much to my surprise, my husband went all out again. I used my spa gift certificate, we took a surprise shopping trip to Houston so I could buy some new clothes for myself. I was shocked, and it took me a long time to process that it was for me. I dunno...

It just feels weird, I guess. My mom always texts me at the time I was born, and that means the world to me.

When you're small, your birthday is so very important. I want it to feel that way to my boys, and even though he's grown, to my husband. Even my Mom, who was born on Halloween, gets everything I can possibly create to make her feel special.

I don't know how to feel special on my birthday without feeling guilty.

Yesterday, I hung wash on the line that the woman who sold our house left behind. I made my Grandmothers' brisket and purple hull peas form the farmers' market. We listened to my brother's band all day in the van, and I remembered my cloth bags for the grocery store.

That was all pretty damn magical in one afternoon. That was enough.... And I'm ok with that.

Finkin' Bout

2009-07-24T10:28:00.003-05:00

I know, two posts all smooshed up together, but if I don't do it now then I won't get it done. This is just a list anyway!

The Things in My Brain:

1. Homeschooling: So many of the parenting blogs I read are actually homeschoolers. I've checked out books from the library but I'm still conflicted. Do y'all have any thoughts before I do a whole post on this?

2. Activities: When do I start the boys in things outside of school? Scouts? Soccer? Fencing (so cool) Martial Arts? Music Lessons (high on the list)?

3. Composting: Do any of you compost? I know it's supposed to be easy. we could have a separate garbage can in the kitchen, and there is a place for the actual composting can behind the garage. Is it going to attract bugs? Because I can't be carrying a baby in a sling to take out the food for composting and be attacked my bugs. (Yes, I did lay awake one night thinking about that)

4. A Texas Blogging Meet-up: Swistle talked about an anti-Blogher meet up, and now that I know I can't go to Blogher in NYC next year, would this be something worth doing? EDITED TO ADD: Danielle from Left of Lost was my bravery inducing inspiration.

Grace(less) Under Pressure

2009-07-24T09:23:00.002-05:00

It was pretty clear from the moment Winston woke up on Wednesday morning that he did not feel well. As soon as I walked in the room I was commanded to "Go Back THERE, Mommy!! I Don't WANT YOU To Be Out Here Yet!!!". I went and sat an the dining room table, took off my glasses, and put my head down; it was going to be one of those mornings.

It never let up. The fit that started when he saw me only escalated and by 8:09, The Mr. and I had decided he shouldn't go to camp that day (his lunch was made and he was already in his swim clothes). He was, of course, furious with me (even though the Papa made the choice as well) and wailed about it for another ten minutes. Then he suddenly asked if he could please take off his swim clothes and have regular ones since he was staying with me.

After we dropped off Wednesday, who watched us both go with a quiveringly brave wittle face (sniff sniff), I took Winston with me to Walgreens. He helped me push the cart, picked out a snack, and remembered every single thing we needed to buy, as usual.

Once we were home and he had some serious allergy medicine in his system he relaxed completely. It used to be just be me and him at home, and I miss it so much that I cry almost every time I think about it. We used to play and read and just hang out ALL DAY, and he is so big now, so smart, so handsome. He is not my tiny boy anymore. But on Wednesday, we rescued a small sliver of our pre-brother relationship.

We lay on the bed in his room after I'd done something cleaning, looking at cookbooks and just being silly together. And after promising him for 3 weeks that we would go out to eat, just the two of us, we finally did. He was perfect in the restaurant, and we even went to Half-Price Books together. He sat on the floor and looked at books in his own little world, while I gathered nifty stories for us the bring home.

The rest of the day was fairly successful as well. There were a few behavior bumps when Wednesday was re-introduced into the picture, but it was an excellent and much needed day overall. Winston's snot is almost gone, his gremlin-like allergy voice has disappeared, and I know we loved each other a lotta-bit more.

Then Thursday came. Oh my, was it a day. My nickname as a child was "Grace" in the most sarcastic fashion imaginable and I lived up to it yesterday. I was horrible Thursday morning. I needed a serious timeout. A headache woke up with me, I hollered at the boys, I cried, I whined, I spilled, I choked on nothing to the point I almost got sick. It was rough. Wednesday was staying home with me, and after we dropped Winston off at camp, he proceeded to get into The Mr.'s desk 5749583405834 times, pester the cats until they scratched and bit him, and was otherwise clinging to me like a velcroed monkey.

We picked Winston up, naptime was crap until we all conked out, and when we got up I remembered I'd promised a meal made in the pressure cooker. Sigh... If that wasn't the perfect metaphor for our day I don't know what could have been.

Now, I'd never used that thing when my Mama wasn't here with us. I think she's used it 3 times for different holiday meals at my house. I found a recipe for chicken tacos, and after reading the directions 4 times and practicing opening and closing the lid, I started cooking. 5 minutes. Cooked chicken in 5 minutes, and it wasn't even scary! Did it taste like cardboard? Yup. Did everyone eat it? Yup. Will my MIL with a heart condition who doesn't like spicy food get all of our leftovers? Yes Ma'am. So it, like the rest of the day, was enough to get by, but not my best work by any means.

I was on my best behavior by bedtime, and stories were super fun and we all went to sleep feeling loved and peaceful after our long, long, LONG day.

This morning went extremely smoothly, and now I'm here by myself, regrouping and thinking and writing. There's a song I sing to the boys almost every night that asks God for love, and power, and grace, and that is what I ask for today. Love oozing from every pore, power over my own emotions, and grace enough to forgive myself and be the Mama I long to be.

For Them...

2009-07-20T09:08:00.004-05:00

I finally let my tears go this morning. I always hold them back when I hear these words, but I was alone in the van and it was ok.

There's always one song with each pregnancy that holds my heart, and this says the things my mind cannot find.

Sweet Dreams by Jewel Kilcher

The shadows are waltzing
The moon beams are calling
Like a dream I am falling into
Silver threads lined with dew
Twinkling stars seem to shine just for you

Behind your eyes
Are endless blue skies
You travel places i want to come, too
Each breath that you breathe
Is a brush stroke that leads me to you

So sleep
Fall into night’s indigo hue
Believe me, its true
Theres nothing that I would not do
For my dream is sweet dreams for you

It seems far away
But there once was a day
It was grey in a world without you
To this heart like a dove from above
The miracle of your love found me

So sleep
Fall into night’s indigo hue
Believe me, its true
Theres nothing that I would not do
For my dream is sweet dreams for you

So hush you bye
And don’t you cry
Sweetly dream, little baby

Yes, sleep
Lose yourself in night’s indigo hue
Believe me, its true
There is nothing that I would not do
For my dream is sweet dreams
Yes, my dream is sweet dreams for you

www.jeweljk.com

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ttwkbAz021U

Scenes from Almost and Saturday

2009-07-18T12:58:00.003-05:00

Late last night I finished my book. I was, and still am sad that it's over, as the author hasn't written as more non-fiction that I can tell. Still too awake to fall asleep with Wednesday, I went to Amazon.com and began my insomnia ritual of going through all my lists. Did you know you can leave comments for yourself on your wishlist? Adding a few words for the things I'd saved for Christmas or Halloween was very satisfying. I am also feeling very "called" to homeschool the boys, in some context, these days. I found a bunch of good looking books for beginners, and then stumbled upon a couple of Listmanias that really shortened my search. But I still wasn't sleepy, in my brain or otherwise, so I went to look at the cookbooks. Oh the lovely cookbooks! I think I saved about 30 to my wishlist. (Like this one, and this one, and this one, Oh My!) I had just started a search for baby and Mama yoga DVD's when the battery on my laptop died. I gave the sleeping 2 year old a large pouty lip and reluctantly got under the covers to go to sleep.

Now, as I write this silliness, I'm sitting on the bed in the boys room in the middle of a de-funked naptime. The big boys went to the beach with friends this morning while Wednesday and I tackled the farmers' market (where I could feel the sweat dripping down my legs) and Target (where a grown man couldn't say "excuse me", but instead just pulled out in front of my very full cart on the way to check out). When we all got home, the plan was for the boys to come nap with me in our bed and for The Mr. to finish cleaning up beach stuff and read. I sang the songs and held the hands and patted the parts, but neither of my creatures would sleep. Winston started fiddling with the tag on a stuffed animal in the co-sleeper and Wednesday just wouldn't keep his arms still. So I told Winston to go "out there" with Papa if he didn't want to nap so we wouldn't have to fight about his behavior. Then, I realized that Wednesday wasn't going to go back down either. Sigh... "Do you want to go back nigh-night or do you want to get up?" Get up, of course. So I took a much needed shower and brought Wednesday to the front of the house, thinking we could just move along with our big meal of the day and I would just push past my tireds again.

Now, or course, Winston has decided to take a nap on the couch, and I got shooed out of my own living room. Rocking and holding didn't produce more nappage for the little one, so now I'm here and he's there <<<<< playing with Handy Manny and pulling books out of the shelf.

Happy Saturday, my dears. I hope your nap times are long and your patience isn't short.

Good News, Bad News

2009-07-14T13:45:00.002-05:00

The good news is: I found the ant trap that went missing after The Mr. did the dishes for me last night.

The bad news is: He washed it in the dishwasher (LMAO). I re-ran the dishwasher on hot, high, and sanitize.

The good news is: My headache and general heat sickness from yesterday was cured with Benadryl and Tylenol over night.

The bad news is: It led to a very med-induced dream right before I woke up. I couldn't find my husband, after my parents house had been broken into, and "Tears in Heaven" was playing in the background. I'm blaming it for any and all tears shed this morning. Stupid dream.

The good news is: My dr. appointment today was good. We set an official c-section date of September 24, and they'll call me with the time soon! It's so very good to have a date, and the one we wanted.

The bad news is: I had to drink that horridly sweet drink required for the gestational diabetes test. It always makes me feel like crap and I'm still feeling it. BLECH.

The good news is: I feel like blogging ALL THE TIME now.

The bad news is: I feel like blogging ALL THE TIME now.

And The Little One Said:

2009-07-12T18:47:00.003-05:00

I was in the bathroom trying to finish getting ready for bed two nights ago. Actually, I was just peeing for the fourth time in 20 minutes, so I wouldn't have to get up again as soon as I fell asleep. A piercing scream in a Winston-like key came from the bedroom where the boys were waiting to be read to and I lumbered as quickly as I could to see what had happened.

"He bit me, Mommy!" What?!?! "I was just trying to hug him and he bit me!" Climbing into the bed I jumped all over Wednesday for biting and snuggled his brother close to love and inspect the bite. It was a bad one; almost through the skin. I calmed him down, told Wednesday again that biting was a No No, and began reading.

But a few pages into our first story, Wednesday was still really upset. "Bitty, you know better than to bite, why are you so sad?" I asked. With droopy eyes and a pouty lip he said, "I tried to eat Bubba!" He cried and cried, disappointed in himself that he'd thought to do such a thing. I burst out laughing, looking at Winston and imagining his little brother taking a bite of him. "It's not funny, Mama", Winston said and started to cry again. This set Wednesday off again and I held them close to me while I laughed and cackled and their funny brains. I looked down at Wednesday and he said again, in shock this time, "I tried to eat him, Mommy!!".

My husband came back from reading his book to see what all the noise was about, and he was tickled too. All through that night, after we finished singing lullabies, Wednesday would repeat his horror, and I would snicker.

Then this morning, on our way to the beach, Wednesday started to cry again. His nose was stopped up, and he was distraught. The poor kid hasn't had a booger-free day since he was born. "It's ok, Baby. Do you want to hold hands?" I held his tiny fingers and the Mr. asked what was wrong. "I just want a new nose, Mommy!!", he wailed. "I don't want this one, anymoe!". We reassured him that his nose was beautiful and would feel better once we got to the beach. It did, and he says he has a new nose now, but it was damn funny at the time.

Books to Munch On.

2009-07-10T09:35:00.002-05:00

I had to take Winston to his dentist appointment on Tuesday. Ever since his very first visit, when we found out he needed fillings done, my husband has always taken him. But, it was time for his cleaning and The Mr. is teaching summer school so Wednesday and I went with him.

The last time he was there he was great about them using the scraping tools on his teeth, but the round, electric toothbrush freaked him right the hell out. So I was going to try my hardest to prepare him for the sensations better this time. I didn't want him to be scared of something that isn't painful, and I didn't want Wednesday to be frightened on his first visit to a dentists' office.

So without further ado, I'd like to dedicate our completely successful and smile-filled visit to Just Going to the Dentist, by Mercer Mayer. Little Critter seriously saved the day, my friends, and I would recommend this little book to anyone preparing a young child for the dentist. All of the different feelings were discussed and illustrated: apprehension, awe at the equipment, the tickling and sound of the toothbrush, ever what getting a filling feels like. Thank goodness for Little Critter!

The Sunday before, we took the boys to Barnes and Noble after dinner. Our last library visit as a family was quite a fiasco, and we had a gift card so it seemed like a good idea. The Mr. reads so very quickly, he goes through 2 books a day sometimes! He was in serious need of a new story, so after he found something readable, he took the boys to the children's section. I wasn't planning on getting anything for myself, but after the boys finished with the choo-choos, I thought I'd just browse the cookbooks. I've read the reviews of so many really great books on bread and canning and general homey-cooking and I wanted to see what B&N had to offer. On a table in the cookbooks I saw something that caught my eye. If I'm being really honest I haven't read an actual books since long before I got pregnant again. I've read lots of cooking, crafting, and children's books, but nothing with a plot of any sort.

Too Many Cooks, by Emily Franklin caught me completely by surprise. Suddenly, I'd found the book that would get me reading again and I was giddy with knowing all the yummy words that were coming to me. What really won me over was this: "...this is a narrative family eating." "Mainly, I don't have a platform. I'm not here to lecture about local or organic or beef or sweets." "Too Many Cooks is an 'eating book'". Isn't that brilliant? And the relaxing tone of the stories has made this book such a joy and an ever present inspiration in the kitchen.

So far we've conquered rhubarb, real popcorn from the stove, and eggplant. Next up are tofu, fresh artichokes, and plantains, among other things. I also picked up A Homemade Life, which along with Dooce's newest book, Split by Suzanne Finnamore, and Cynthia Kaplan's most recent memoir have me longing for the days and nights when I can just devour words for hours on end.

Happy munching...

Pink Celery, Bitter Apples.

2009-07-08T19:08:00.003-05:00

I made my very first rhubarb-inspired dessert tonight, and I could not be more happy with it. After seeing so many gorgeous recipes on various crafty-mama blogs, I finally decided to try it, if only for the adventure of cooking something I'd never done before.

Winston stood in the kitchen while I minced fresh ginger (he smelled it and got it on his nose!), pears, and finally the rhubarb. Thinking ahead, only slightly, as I was already elbow deep in the recipe, I tasted it raw. I remember eating a strawberry-rhubarb pie at my maternal grandmother's house as a child and HATING it. Could it have been because my Mama warned me it would be awful? I think probably so. I took a tiny bite and was shocked at how yummy it was. Imagine a very unripe green apple and that is both the taste and texture of uncooked rhubarb. Winston ate three bites of it raw and wanted more, but I stopped him. Silly boy. He is the picky eater of the family and was standing there eating something completely out of his comfort zone with glee!

I added orange zest and half of the juice from one orange, then topped it with oats, almond cookies, turbinado sugar, and butter. It was so, very, extremely delicious.

Even with my impending, 3-days-in-the-making-headache, I am overjoyed at this simple little dessert. Even more so, I am utterly amazed that Winston devoured his portion, when normally he is so hesitant. This, combined with his newly acquired, and still developing emotional regulation is leading our relationship back to the very lovey, silly place it was when we was a baby.

I have so much more to say, about the book I'm reading, what I fed my parents when they were here, my crazy body... But the head-bone hurt looms and I'll be back tomorrow...

PS: The main recipe came from The Fussy Eater's Recipe Book, with a few alterations from Jamie Oliver's newest cookbook.

Book Mark

2009-07-08T08:29:00.001-05:00

This is just an accountability post for me so I will actually come back and write what's in my head. I have funny pregnancy things and book stuff and food stuff. So there, brain, you must write now!

About Last Night

2009-07-05T11:52:00.002-05:00

Last year we ended up parked on the Harbor Bridge. We left too early this year and went down to North Beach instead. Right as we got out of the van

the

fireworks

started!

Winston was AMAZED. He stood, holding my parents hands. Wednesday was on my hip while I held onto my beloved with my other hand.

I always HATED fireworks before I had the boys. They were loud and wasteful, and I just didn't care for them. This year I cried. I cried for the change that I still hope will come for our country, for the imminent end to the war that I long for, for the baby boy growing in my belly and my family all together.

Winston walked back and grabbed his Papa's hand, "give me a kissy" I said, and he pooched out his gorgeous lips and kissed my teary face.

My precious boys. My parents that I love more now than I ever have because we've accepted each other.

Thanks, God. I'm grateful to be an American. I'm hopeful that it will only get better.

Reusable Question, and Funny Conclusions.

2009-06-25T10:30:00.005-05:00

Hi guys! My pregnant brain/nesting is in high gear and I have a few questions.

1. Which kind of cloth diapers are the best option for newborns? We'd really like to use them this time around and nothing I'm reading online is giving me a clear answer.

2. Also, what are your thoughts on washable nursing pads? I don't usually need them for very long, and I don't see any reason to use the ones you throw away.

3. My last reusable issue right now is baggies. Have any of you used or had any experience with reusable baggies (cloth, I guess, so they can be washed as well)? I know Alton Brown uses them and I have a tutorial I found for sandwich bags, but I'm still wonderin'.

I've also decided, since we actually have a dining room table now, that we need the cloth napkins like the lovely Swistle has been using. After reading this blog post on hanging your clothes on the line to dry, we're starting that too. We might as well use this super hot weather for something, right?

Now: funny things I have learned this week.

1. When your diabetic husband comes into the bedroom and asks where the colander is at 11:30 at night, he probably needs some help with his blood sugar. It was funny, and he's fine, so no worries. He spilled blueberries all over the floor and wanted to wash them for the boys in the morning. Sweet Puppy...

2. When the little brother has a cough, the big one will not sleep well, especially when they are in the same bed. When I asked Winston to roll over so I could prop Wednesday up more so he would cough be flapped his arms like a cockroach!! It was so hilarious, I was cackling in the middle of the night.

3. It's very pitiful when your 2 year old loses his voice. I tried so hard not to laugh, but I couldn't stop it. After stories last night he couldn't say a single word in a regular voice. He had to whisper goodnight to everyone and it was extremely precious. He can talk in a very raspy voice today.

That's all, I think! Any thoughts would be so so appreciated...

UPDATES (for my own memory's sake):

1. I'm pretty sure I can get prefolds and doublers/inserts for cloth diapering at Babies R Us here in town.

2. They don't sell reusable nursing pads at JCP anymore, but they do have lots of options at Motherhood Maternity. It just happens to be right next to JCP in our mall, lol.

3. I think we're gonna go with the thirsties diaper covers. I found a place in Seguin that sells them, and I can get 12 xsmall for $138 and 6 small for $69. That seems to be a pretty low/normal price compared to everywhere else I looked. If that brand doesn't work out there's also a store in San Antonio with a huge inventory and slightly higher prices.

4. I'm still working on the baggies. I looked them up on Amazon and there was nothing in stock for sale.

Deserving

2009-05-26T13:10:00.002-05:00

I watched Jon and Kate last night and I am MAD. I am furious, and I don't even know these people. There are so many things I could say, but it boils to this: No one deserves to have their spouse flake out on them, go out drinking and cavorting with college students, and abandon their obligations to go stay at their Mama's house.

Is Kate over-bearing and over-controlling? YES. But how would YOU be if you had 8 children? She is a nurse by profession, which I don't think is ever taken into consideration. She is the main caregiver, regardless of how it is construed, for eight small beings. I'm sick and tired of people saying she brought this upon her self! She has remained constant in her personality throughout the show. I don't think there is anything wrong with having high expectations and hopes for your husband. And when they disappoint you? You have the right to be disappointed!!

John married and had children very young. Well isn't he special? So did I, and so do hundreds of thousands of other people. No, those people don't all have 8 kids, but they don't have all the perks of being on television either. It bothers me that just when Kate has found something that makes her really happy, John decides he can't do it anymore. I'm almost positive he resents her for her new-found success as a speaker/writer. He is having to stay home with the kids more, and not getting to leave by himself every day for work anymore. I'm sorry, but I have no sympathy.

And the backstabbing by Kate's family members? I do not understand, obviously something horrible has happened in their relationships and it could very well be all her fault. Still, she is, in my opinion, doing her damnedest to keep things stable for all those pretty babies.

I don't want to hear that she's only cooking on the show to promote a new cookbook. There have been dozens and dozens of shows during which she cooked. Newflash to the media? Stay -at-home-moms cook for their children.

It's just wrong all the way around with everyone involved, but she is not a demon. She is their MOTHER. I would work my ass off just as hard to make things appear right when they weren't, to keep my kids safe, and make sure that the people who were in their lives were there for the right reasons.

Ok, end of my rant.

Why?

2009-05-21T19:05:00.002-05:00

Why have I not posted here is so very, very long? I have been really busy, but mostly, I've just turned into a large chicken with no writing mojo what-so-ever. I have feathers and everything! So what if they're Mardi Gras colors and I keep them in the garage; it's legitimate!

Anyway, there is something important that must attended to on this here blog, besides, you know, POSTING something.

My Bebe, in my belly, is a BOY!!! I twittered it on Monday when we found out, but my feathers are in the garage right now, so I thought I should take the time to tell you! Also Winston is at the grocery store with The Mr., but whatever...

We are super stoked, and the thought of THREE brothers all together just melts my heart.

But I have a mission, for those of you who choose to accept it. The new baby needs a blog-name! I'd like it to start with a "w" since the others boys do, but I'd definitely make an exception for a fabulous name suggestion!

I do love you guys so dearly, and hopefully I can keep my noo-noo together enough to at least write short posts here for a while.

Breakfast With Tiffany

2009-03-27T10:27:00.002-05:00

I only ate one piece of cinnamon toast, with Splenda, if that helps your mental image. The scales at the doctor's office are not forgiving, and I didn't want my recently consumed breakfast to mess anything up.

With one pound gained, we, Mama, Papa, and current baby, waited for almost an hour to hear the newest one's heartbeat. Talking with your spouse while only the quiet child is in the room is never a bad thing, but he had to leave for office hours before the doctor came in.

Of course, as that is the way these things work, not two minutes later my OB walked in. She was confident of the child growing in my womb, but the anticipation as she pushed against my gooped up tummy trying to find said being is always hard. I watched her face as she concentrated, and my boy while he listened for a sound he once made.

Finally, it was there, that fast "bum bum bum bum" that I longed for. Is it magic that I can love someone that is only 3 inches long?

It was after that appointment that I realized I was ready to end a sacred relationship I have with my 2 year old. Although he has only been nursing to go to sleep for sometime, it is time for us to move forward. My heart is breaking, yes, but I feel strong enough to do this now. How do I finish something that has been my peace and my comfort, along with his, for two and a half years?

The books don't help, this is between me and my marvelous boy. This precious love who, through this partnership, has come to know me better than anyone else. He knows when I'm sad before the others notice, he whispers "I love you" in my ear when I need it most, and he holds my neck tight when he hugs me because we have to be that close, always.

He is so excited to be a big brother, he says the words reverently and holds himself while he dreams of it. Both of our hearts are big enough, but his place will never be filled.

(Can anyone guess the song that coaxed my muse out of bed this morning?)

Funny Weird, Funny Ha-Ha

2009-03-16T07:03:00.004-05:00

Funny Weird:

I took the boys to Half-Price Books. After wandering around the store and gathering quite a load of words, we went to get a snack. The person in line behind me commented on the amount of books we had in the stroller basket and I just smiled.

The person, upon closer inspection, was a very kind older man dressed as a woman, who promptly called Wednesday a girl. I corrected the error by just reaching down and calling Wednesday my "sweet boy". Then, I found out that the coffee shop there doesn't take debit cards. "I don't have any money!", I said in a panicked voice. The woman behind the counter, who I suspect is also part owner said, "Oh, I'm here until 3:00, just come back and pay me when you can." Whaaa??? In 2009 there is still a coffee shop where you can come back and pay where you don't have any cash?

So I went to the table where Winston was waiting and wouldn't let them touch their snack until I dug through my purse to see in there was some money in there. I found a stray $10, and went back up to the counter to pay. The older man (the cashier called him a he, so I'm sticking to that) looked as me and said, "They're very trusting.".

It just felt like such a strange cross-section of life. And I was so honored to be right there, with my children, seeing all of the beauty humans still hold.

Funny Ha-Ha:

This morning, with both boys in the bed to wake me up, I had a severe round ligament pain after coughing lightly. I rolled on my side quickly, clutching my side and mumbling profanities under my breath. I scared Wednesday and he started crying. Poor baby thought I was mad at him. I did my best to comfort him and explain to them what happened and we all made our way to the bathroom for Mama's Morning Pee. I promptly sneeze and blew snot out my nose, I am classy like that. "Excuse me, PLEASE!". Wednesday looked on in horror as I grab a wad of toilet paper to clean up my nose and blow it very loudly. He had a very serious look on his face and asked, "Do you has a bug in your nose?". I lost it with the giggles, toilet paper still pressed to my face. I couldn't even finish blowing my nose!!

Holy Moly it was so funny. I needed to sneeze again just a moment later and couldn't do that either for the giggles that erupted again....

I had to assure Wednesday at least three times that I did not, in fact, have a bug in my nose.

The End.

Just Like Old Times, When Nothing is the Same.

2009-03-05T09:02:00.002-06:00

I knew. We knew, my husband and I both, but we almost pretended we couldn't hear that small little voice making it's presence known.

Creation came just days before the first should have made us three. Unknown hormones plus painful memories made me crazy.

3 days late I bought a test. With "the baby" in the playpen I went with my trusty cup and wondered if I would pass.

The directions open in front of me, I watched my "self" move across the window. "Wait a minute, I thought the test line was on the right?".

I called my husband, who was advising a student in his office and said, "Well, I can tell you now or wait until you get home."

"I'm pregnant!"

So now we're going at it all again...

Some things are so much the same, it seems eery. Is their large furniture waiting to be put together? Yes. Did I spend the first two months feeling dizzy, sick, and tired all morning? Yes. Am I already having the kind of pains that aren't supposed to happen for months? Yes.

But there is significantly less anxiety this time. Before this zygote wiggled it's way into my heart, the only way I felt at peace with my future was with three kids in it. There was always one missing; one that got away.

The boys call this one "Tummy Baby", and Winston insists it's either a girl, or there are two babies in my belly. Whoever this may be has an official arrival date of October 3, 2009.

Happy Freakin' Valentine's Day

2009-02-13T08:53:00.003-06:00

Somehow in the midst of all of the floor drama I remembered to buy Valentines for Winston's class and teachers. I even got teacher Valentines for Wednesday to give, since they interact with them so much.

I spent all day yesterday explaining to Winston how we were going to fill out Valentines. This morning we painstakingly wrote all the names on all the little cards, and licked the envelopes for his teacher's.

When we got to school I turned in the form to register both boys for school next year. It only cost be 80 bajillion dollars, and 3 toes.

Then we stopped at the picnic tables to I could give the boys the cards for the head teacher and assistant to hand out as soon as they walked in. The boys are excited. Mommy is just Mommy, and when we walk in the classroom it all goes to HELL.

We are not supposed to give Valentine cards to anyone at school. The assistant won't even touch the cards the boys chose and wrote in by themselves. She doesn't know if she can accept it. I just brush it off, but poor Winston. He is heart-broken. He worked hard on those cards and he loves his teachers so much...

She hugs me and says she sorry. She gives me a long story about why the note to tell us not to bring cards never went home with the students (!!!!!!). But there was an email sent out, apparently. The first email EVER sent by the school to make an announcement. EVER, people. Tuition reminders come in the email by request. Obviously I have not checked that address for anything important, because it never holds anything important.

I am so mad. I am furious. They broke my kid's heart because they couldn't get their act together enough to send out a freaking note. I wasted my children's time, and now this Friday before Valentine's Day that was supposed to be happy, and started out so very well is shattered.

I really hope Winston has an ok day at school. And I'm praying that my husband can watch Wednesday when it's time for pick up to I can just grab Winston and get the Hell out of there.

Also, Halloween in not supposed to be recognized, even though I was given permission from the teachers to put together goody bags last October.

I had plans to put together something in honor of Mardi Gras, but I'm SOOOO not doing it now. I bought kingcake scented candles to give the teachers. NOT HAPPENING. I will find someone else for Winston to gift them with.

It's all so surly and snobby and heartless. It is everything this school is not. Sigh....

I'm glad it's Friday. And we are going to be almost late on Monday so I don't have to talk to anyone.

UPDATE:

Oh my I am so awful for taking this long to answer comments. Thank you all for reading and supporting Winston and me. There were actually two other mothers who KNEW the rule and brought stuff anyway, one of which went to speak to the director. The next week was full of hitting and pushing, and I don't know that it's connected, but it had never happened before.

So everything seems to be back to normal now, and today I going to help his class make cookies. I love you guys, I'll do better with the next post: Promise!!

So What Had Happened Was...

2009-01-29T09:25:00.002-06:00

We're having the floor fixed. Two summers ago is got so hot, and was so wet for so long, that it bucked the floors in the kitchen and the den. Eventually the floor cracked and, in the kitchen at least, started to come up all on it's own. So we put rugs over it, and called it a day.

But for some reason, we decided when we were coming back form LA the last time that we were going to have it fixed.

So now the cats are in the back of the house covering every surface with cat hair and gunk, we are staying at my MIL's, and my floor is white with primer. The actual color is supposed to be darker, and that's why I'm sitting in my deconstructed house waiting for the painters. I need to know that my floor will in fact be the color of "fond memories" (HA!), and not off white.

After they show up we are sooo going to the bookstore, and I am sooo buying a stupid werewolf/vampire book.

They are supposed to come back tomorrow and move the fridge in form the garage, along with all of the other den/kitchen furniture. Then I have to clean the back of the house like no body's business...blech... THEN, we're supposed to have the carpet replace in the living room/entryway, and have the light/fan fixed in the boys room, and get a new TV, and a new bed for the boys...and and and...this all sounds good in theory, but I'm not good at being kicked out of my own house.

I want to go through the toys as well and get rid of what we can.

I have lots of other things I'd like to write about. I have a brother centered post: tattoos, concerts, and Bambi music; I want to write about Olivia, and something else..we'll see.

My punctuation is horrid, but this is my home place and it can be disheveled...

Right now, it's more like Niagra Falls

2009-01-22T09:30:00.001-06:00

We can't find the outside kitten. I'm not sure he's actually a kitten anymore, but he's one of the babies we took in last year. I chose him, from the litter, to be ours. The fat one chose us, and the orange one became ours by default. But I need for Goldie to be ok. It was my desicion to keep him here...

This morning I finally realized what yesterday was. I was going to post about it, and turn off the comments. But I don't even know if I can do that now. I cried so much into yesterday morning that I could hardly stand when I woke up. It makes more sense now, remembering. Ramen and olives for dinner; my sodium levels must have been almost nonexistent.

"I don't know what parts of myself to keep and what parts to put away". "I don't know how to make you happy anymore." Words that finally made sense to him, even if they didn't fix very much. "You can't make me happy", he said. "And keep this part, that talks to me like this, please". I'll try. "And Mama, I'm plenty happy enough. Everything on the outside is ok". That's always been important to me.

Then he came home with a ring. A ring that matched my necklace from Christmas. Tears are always plentiful, I guess. Jewelry doesn't heal, but it is a symbol. Unconsciously I knew what yesterday was, but in my sore, painful brain I didn't actually recall the events that made yesterday significant. The pink and black of the ring will always mean something different now.

This morning I jolted myself out of a dream. I overslept, dreaming about being in a craggy little boat with my two children while my husband traipsed through the water trying to fish. We were in the middle of a storm. He caught a big ugly fish, and pulled it's bottom lip up over it's whole mouth and threw it in the boat, telling us to keep it still. The fish flopped so much I had to get out of the boat and just hold onto the side. I was so angry at him. Screaming profanities at the top of my lungs while he laughed and enjoyed the adventure. I finally convinced him to at least let the boys and I go to shore. Then I woke myself up. My mouth was all swollen.

I'm more than ready for my unconscious to give me a break. Really Mind, I've had enough.

Being Vocal

2009-01-08T09:53:00.002-06:00

I started voice lessons in the 10th grade. The choir director at the church where my Dad was pastor also conducted at a university in the next town over. When he arrived, he decided, rather quickly, that was the adult choral program needed was fresh blood; or voices, in this case. He brought in singers for each voice part that would practice and perform with the choir for a small payment, and some kind of credit in his class.

And they were incredible. I was in awe of every single one of them. The way they held themselves when they sang, the way their voices stood out and blended in at the same time, the way they pushed the rest of the choir members (my Mom included) to really pull out every stop and be GREAT.

Joanna was an Alto when she first arrived. She was tall, with plump lips, and impossibly long legs, and short sandy blond hair. I was mesmerized by her for at least a year before I realized that she was just a regular person. So when I started lessons it was with Joanna. Nervous is not deep enough of a word to describe how I felt, but she made it feel easy. So I dang, and she gasped, and said, "You are a soprano, my dear". "No, I've always been an alto, I like being an alto." But she would have none of it. So a soprano I became. Little did I know she was becoming one herself, a colouratura at that!

Anyway, we had lessons for a few months, and became close friends in the process. her fiance, Sam, was the funniest guy I'd ever met, and they joined the bell choir that I was in, much to my amusement. Between our director and Johanna and Sam, the bells never sounded better.

I don't remember the timeline of everything after that because it was all so smushed together. The end results were that I was a bridesmaid in Johanna and Sam's wedding, Johanna became the children's choir director, and even accompanied us on a mission trip to New Mexico.

Then they moved. And I missed them. And she had a baby, and then another. And I needed a new voice teacher. Enter Autumn. Equally beautiful to Johanna. She had long kinky curly blond hair, and large blue eyes, a very flirty overall demeanor. Her friend, Kimberly, also began choir at our church them too. She was a statuesque Alto, with fiery red hair. I could just see her on stage in full costume.

My own life decisions during this time were tumbling in the direction of opera, and music education, and vocal performance, and everything MUSIC. It was easy to fall in love with it all when a never ending tide of incredible vocalists kept entering our sanctuary and egging me on.

Autumn pushed me. She was not so easy as Sandy. But I was still so afraid to screw up, to sound bad, that I held back. She taught be solfege. I already knew the signs and meanings, but not how to read music that way. We used hymns out of the United Methodist hymnal, and I write the letters in pencils and then stammer them out in a nervous voice.

When Autumn and Kimberly graduated, they both held performances at the church. What I heard was so astounding, so gorgeous, that I knew I wanted to do it too. I still have the programs from their musical offering, so I can find the songs they sang when I need to hear them.

Then I left for college. I was on a partial music scholarship that I'd had to audition for. That experience has almost been completely blocked from my memory. Ugh, a story for another time when I nerve endings can handle it.

So I was sent to find the soprano voice teacher on the first day of registration. Like a fool, I assumed the woman in front of the sign telling she was the soprano teacher was actually her. Instead, she was the gruff alto teacher, who scared me a little. I'd never been so glad to be a soprano. My actual teacher was lovely, again with the gorgeous women who tried to shape my voice. If you can think of the most flamboyant Italian last name imaginable, that was something close to her last name. She pushed me even harder, and God I loved it, but I still couldn't just let go and sing the way God Almighty intended me to. It was a constant struggle within me, to just sing already and deal with the pressure of screwing up at the same time. It didn't help that one of my professors went to college with my Dad and expected me to be PHENOMENAL at the time.

Needless to say I never met my potential there. I changed my major the elementary education, and never wanted to sing like that again. The itch came when I'd been married for about 3 years with no choir to sing with. I auditioned for and made it into the local community chorale that met at the college where my husband taught. My shining moment was singing The Messiah when I was 5 months pregnant with Winston.

Now...now...I need to sing. It's required. I can't help it or push it away anymore. I'm starting back to school with a couple of classes this summer, and then womb-willing, full time in the Fall when both boys are in school. I am ecstatic. Holding back is no longer an option. Just sing, Mama. Just sing.

My treat for you: This song it what I sing to my children when they are being pitiful...*Snort* http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GFOEuGJd-qA&feature=related

And Now, Deep Thoughts

2009-01-05T07:14:00.002-06:00

I'm just not really feeling the whole "complete composition" form of writing this morning. Random, but mildly coherent seems more appropriate, so I'm sticking with that. Good Morning, by the way! Today is The Mr. first day back at work, and Winston should have started school again, but he's going to the doctor instead.

He roars like a tiny constipated dinosaur, and I laugh, because it is adorable. My little dinosaur... He has a sore throat that just won't let up. I spoke with his dr. on Friday and we agreed he didn't need to some in yet, but there wasn't any major progress in the de-roarifying this weekend. Last night, hubby put Winston in one of his tshirts and called him a Wizard. Wednesday wanted to be a wizard too, of course, so I found one of my shirts for him to wear over his pajamas. Winston waved his arm around like a magic wand, and Wednesday found a piece of a Diego telescope to carry around the house. They rode to Whataburger in their wizards, and Winston slept in his. "Sword Bear", instead of "Lord" was my big boy's name, and the little one was "Sir Helper a wizawd". Silly boys (for my own bloggy clarification, Bear and Helper will now be my boys middle names...).

Wednesday was much more ill in the beginning. But true to his history with this crap, he is well before Winston (I'm still nursing him, no matter how awkward, and I know that has made a big difference. Thank God.). The phrase that he uses that is breaking my heart right now is when he refers to himself as "my little self". I just about die of cute. "Mommy, I huht my little self!". He also has "little feet" and "little hands", etc. He is my little love monkey and if no one else in house sees fit to hug me, he will, without being asked, squeeze his little self around my neck and tell me he loves me.

Speaking of squeezing... (hahaha) I've done some form/forms of stomach strengthening exercises for four days in a row now. I forget how much better my middle feels when I do them, and am so glad I've started again. The February after Wednesday was born, The Mr. got me a membership at the local "Curves". I'd asked for his help, so I was overjoyed. A former student was the manager, so I was well taken care of. I ended up only going regularly for about 4 months, but it made such a difference. I was given a special exercise to work my sides, and I still do it whenever I remember. I've decided to get on the exercise video band wagon, but not with The Shred. I found, months ago, on Amazon, a system for Yoga Booty Ballet, and I'm going with that. Dance, Yoga, and ballet all together. Dancing comes pretty easy for me, I think I got from my Mom, even if I'm a chunky monkey while doing it. High School was spent in show choir, and my PE electives while in college were dance classes. Yoga is love, of course, and I have a secret desire to be a ballerina left over from childhood.

Anyway. Did I tell you my husband won like THOUSANDS of dollars at the casino where my parents live? YEAH. The man is like a slot machine prodigy. And I actually enjoyed shopping with some of the winnings, because they were free. Woohoo! I bought my Mom an outfit too, and my Dad got some extra cash to blow at the casino. We had such a great time in Louisiana. The boys were puny, but the just hanging out that occurred as a result was awesome. My parents didn't go overboard with Christmas presents, and I got to make cheeseballs for my brother. Getting to see the honorary uncles (my brother's two best friends), and meet "The Jewel" (only girl member of my brother's band), was icing on a very yummy cake.

I'm helping to write a piece of fiction somewhere on this intery-net for the first time ever. I'm ridiculously excited, and will keep y'all informed as much as I can without having to...do something spy-ish.

That's all, my pretties. I love you guys.

A South Texas Christmas

2008-12-26T18:33:00.002-06:00

I was behind on everything this year. There just wasn't any pressure to get things accopmlished. Cheeseballs and fudge (thanks Paula Deen!) were finally conceived on the 23rd. I have a slight cheeseball addiction: rice crispies, cayenne pepper, shredded cheese, a little flour and butter, they are the seasonal treat I look forward to the most. So if I consumed, oh, let's say 14 of them myself throughout that day, you understand why now. The fudge is the easiest recipe I've ever used. A fourth of a block of Velveeta cheese will make anything taste good, right?

Santa came, of course, this year. She worked very hard on Christmas Eve. Apparently, a little elf told me, she had to put together the much ignored art easel FOUR times before it was right. Overall the instruments are the favored gifts. For Winston, an accordian and harmonica, and a pipe whistle and violin for Wednesday. The boys terms are slightly different. Winston shouted "It's a recordian!!" upon seeing his gift, while Wednesday calls the violin his "aguitah-yee" and the bow his "by-oh-lyn".

There was a short time in the past week when I was worried there would be nothing under the tree for me. I know it sounds selfish, and I guess it really is. But it would hurt if the love of my life completely ignored the gift giving rituals of Christmas while I spent time choosing things for him and his children. He told me not to worry, and after breakfast with a friend and a trip to Grandma's house with the boys so Mrs. Santa could work on the damn easel, he finally left to do some shopping. Breakast, Grandma's, and his birthday all happened on Christmas Eve. Somehow he pulls it out every year with the late shopping. I think he likes the thrill of finding such delectable gifts at the VERY LAST MINUTE.

My husband has very interesting wrapping skills when it comes to presents. Bags are the easiest, but inside each of my "bag ladies" as he called them, I found things like papertowels, empty candy bags, old tissue paper, and target bags. I look forward to seeing what he crams in the bags to cover the gifts, and in one bag, containing a Liza Minelli CD no less, there was a lone Papa-sizd sock! It promptly went on my foot, and flopped around my toes for the rest of the morning. Next year, I'll write a little reminder on it and hang in on the tree. I have a story about socks as tree decor, but that's for another time.
So after Santa and family gifts, I talked to my parents and brother on the phone, and made our traditional Christmas breakfast. Santa always brings big navel oranges and juice in each stocking, which are then part of our morning meal. To complete it, I open a can of huge cinnamon rolls and bake them off, and heat up a couple of quiches. It's fast and easy, but different from our normal eating routine enough to make it special. Winston is very picky, and so to get him to eat the quiche I had to explain that it was like "a frittata and a pot pie mixed together". He devoured it, thank you baby Jesus.

General playtime commenced after breakfast, and then a nap. A much needed nap. Winston only slept for 45 minutes though, so I sent him to my husband and kept sleeping with the baby in my lap. After a shower for Mommy and stripping half the jammies off of the boys, we went outside when everyone woke up. It was ironic, I guess, watching the babies run around in their undies on Christmas Day when I'd been almost jealous of the snow pictures everywhere online. But the joy they felt outweighed everything else. They had a system going; Winston would run around with the hose, and just when he'd get it spraying really high or far, Wednesday would turn off the water. "Brother, do it again!", he'd shout, and Wednesday would turn the water back on and squeal. Watching his big brother until just the right moment, he'd then shut it off again with a little dance. Santa brought a pop-up soccer goal that got a little use, and a golf game that both of the kids enjoyed. Standing behind my sons, showing them how to hold a golf club and spread their feet brought back memories of my Dad doing the same thing with me. I think he'd be proud of my technique, as everytime I set them up, they got a hole in one.

Three rituals were left undone this year. My husband got no gifts for his Christmas Eve birthday. Yes, I realize I was just complaining in an earlier paragraph about my fear of being ingored during the holidays, but if you could have seen his face when I told him, you'd understand. He's not a gifty person, by any means. So announcing the lack of gifts got me the biggest hug I'd had all week from my husband. I done good. This isn't to say that we didn't celebrate. I dressed up and put a bow on my head, I made him a Feast of the Seven Fishes, and dedicated a short post to him at my home place. Gifts, without giving gifts. It was perfect for him.
We also neglected to open the box from my Nanny on Christmas Eve and read the Christmas story. Those were both remedied on Christmas Day. The sock monkies from my maternal grandparents were much loved, especially by Wednesday. "Hi Monkey! You a monkey!", is exactly what he said before he smothered the creature in little boy hugs and kisses. I held my own need to read the Christ's birth story in the back of my mind as we headed to my MIL house Christmas afternoon. She had surgery last week, so I wasn't expecting anything but to share the love of the day with her. Tears were almost spilling by the time we left though. She had precious cards for the boys, and an envelope of cash for us to spend on things of our choosing. But what did me in were the family heirlooms that she gave us. When we walked in she pressed a story Bible into my hands that was given to her as a child. Her mother read it to her, she read in to my husband and his brothers, and I sat on the couch with Winston and read him the Christmas story. That alone was already too much, but then she pulled out the turkey platter, beautifully hand painted, that had belong to her mother and offered it to me. She even said, under her breath, that she was glad it was going to me and not the other DIL. My heart was jumping up and down at being favored, but I kept my trap shut. A cookie plate, that in her words, "Is so pretty it just needs cookies on it!", was also given to us. I was without words. Tears held back as I went to pull Wednesday off the stairs he was trying to climb. I hugged her tight when we left, and getting into the car, I could still smell her lotion on my skin where we had touched. She is a good lady, and I love her dearly.

There are other memories I've left out. We made cookies for Santa, read The Night Before Christmas, all the regular Chistmasy things. But the ones I've recalled here are thes I want my mind to remember as well as my heart. It was a most special Christmas.

P.S. To see the pictures, follow the link to the post at OpenSalon! Thanks my lovelies... http://open.salon.com/content.php?cid=69584

For Him

2008-12-24T08:11:00.002-06:00

Happy Birthday, my Husband. You don't like gifts, my dahling, so this will be short.

Three takes on love that apply to us...

Ayelet Waldman: She got a tremendous amount of heat for writing, and then speaking about, how she loved her husband more than her children. They are 2 different kinds of love, and while I would throw my body in front of a cars for the boys, I would and will endure almost anything if it means we will still be us in the end. I am ridiculously in love with you, and I always have been.

Twilight: hehehehe, see? I can fit it in anywhere. What do they say? "You are the love of my existence." "You are my life now." Those both fit our story pretty well, I believe.

Me: I love you always and always, backwards and forwards, no matter what.

Happy Birthday, Baby...

(the add video option isn't working so I'm linking to them)

She's My Baby- Mazzy Star

Here Comes Your Man

Going back one more time

2008-12-10T13:39:00.000-06:00

I don't go to church anymore because I still know too much. My father was my pastor until I left for college, and I'm overly aware of the behind the scenes drama and business required to run a church. Daddy is probably the greatest reverend I've ever known, though there is a strong bias. A life-long Democrat, excellent writer and public speaker, and gentle boundary pusher, he will always be a hard act to follow.

So I left all of that behind. Not just the physical act of going to services on Sunday, but most of the memories as well. But despite my best efforts, some of my good bits came from the time I served as resident preacher's spawn. I can't forget anymore, and shockingly, I'm beginning to want to remember. It must be the season, and the bravery of you people here at OpenSalon, for I've never had any desire to write about this before.

Christmas was always especially trying in our household. A minister plays so many roles in a church, and during Advent, those roles are intensified. But my entire family was busy alongside my Dad during those times. I want those stories to be passed to my kids. Unable to facilitate worship induced experiences outside of our own little home rituals, I want to remember enough of what I have learned to pull us all through.

I was a member of the Bell Choir, the Youth Choir, the Youth Group, a soloist, and usually a reader during Advent as a younger myself. Wednesday night was bell practice, and by the time I was in high school I was playing most of the upper octave alone. Sometimes eight bells in spastic coordination. It was exhilarating, and I loved the challenge. Christmas music was always enjoyable to learn and perform, especially with a director who pushed you and pulled out the complicated pieces. The youth choir always did a few songs when we had enough members, and I sang a solo because it made my parents happy. I can't remember the last one I sang, which is saddening, but I didn't really like the song anyway. My favorite piece was always "Breath of Heaven".

For a couple of years in high school the entire youth group did a Christmas play. Legendary for getting laryngitis during December, one year I lost my voice right before the play. I only had a small role, and it was mostly just funny facial expressions made at the right time. My one actual line that year was, "And then, the alien spoke!", and I barely croaked it out, with lost of laughter to follow.

After four consecutive Christmas Eve services, and the build up of weekly celebrations throughout Advent, we would all go back to the house. We never had a Christmas Eve meal, because once home we were weary and finally done. We did always read the Christmas story together around the tree, and from the time I could put a few letters together into words, that was my job. I took it very seriously, and it brings tears to my eyes to remember that little girl reading such a very big story, and understanding more than a little girl should.

My husband and I joined a church after we were married. I tried so hard to redefine my role with a new congregation. It was something I wanted badly, and we had discussed it at length. But sitting in the pew I could only think, "He should have proof read his sermon one more time before this morning. I wonder if he even wrote it before this morning!". "Can't they find a liturgist who can actually read?". "Alright, next comes a hymn, not a good fit with the readings for today". It was exhausting. I wanted to start fresh, be anonymous, and relearn what it meant to be a church member. However, when pushed to join the choir and bell choir I did it. Only 2 bells this time though, I had lost my touch. I was the youngest member of the choir, whose dedicated director was too shy to stand up for herself. When she left, we quit going. Relieved we had a validated reason to end my failed experiment, we've never gone back to another church since.

For A while I entertained the idea of trying a completely different denomination. But the semantics of United Methodism are too far ingrained, I cannot let them go. So my secret wish this Christmas is endlessly complicated and so simple at the same time. To walk alone through the doors of a Methodist church on Christmas Eve is my only desire. While my husband and children wait at home, I want the time and space to remember everything I've tried to forget. Recalling every song, every prayer, when to breath, when to stand. I long to try it one more time. I need for a stranger to bend their candle to mine while the lights are dimmed, and to stand under the protection of darkness and sing Silent Night.

After I learned to drive I would sometimes find myself in the church parking lot without realizing how I got there. If my mind wandered I didn't go home, I went to church. Another singular opportunity is all I need, just a place for my memories to go home. I know I won't be able to go back again any time soon, if ever. But then maybe the reveries I've forced out can come back to me in a way that doesn't hurt, but bolsters the mother and wife and child of God I long to be.

http://www.hopepublishing.com/img/misc/Handbell_Banner.jpg

Divine Winter

2008-12-06T09:45:00.001-06:00

We had simultaneous brain settling so that we could take a nap together yesterday. Not realizing my husband had come into the room, I startled when I heard his breathing. Sleeping next to our firstborn, I smelled his smell and listened as his breath mixed with our babies' and was deep into sleep within seconds. When the baby and I finally extracted ourselves from the rocking chair it was already almost dark outside. I scooped up my little one and he hugged me tight around my neck. The pressure of the cold air outside, along with the smell of the heater, Wednesday's soft face, swirled together and I finally smelled Winter. I've been waiting since it turned colder for my own personal season to change.
It's always been this way. The right mix of temperature and smell must come together to move my mind forward into a new time of year. As a small girl, I knew winter was coming soon when my Mom would pull out her heavy blue-jean jacket. As soon as she'd get home from school I'd take it from her and curl up in it on the couch. Familiar smells, that I can almost conjure to this day, would surround me and I felt so safe. Big Red gum and Lady Stetson perfume. Always the denim smelled that way.
I wear perfume now because of her, especially when autumn moves out of the way for winter to come. My boys call it "foofoo", the word I used when I was little too. The best time to put it on is early in the morning before I wake up the boys. Winston never fails to say, "Mommy you smell so good! You smell like foofoo!". Sometimes I rub his little forearm along mine so he can take part of me with him to school; a backwards memory in the making from my own childhood ones.

There have been several incarnations of my Mom's "signature scent". And if, for some reason, I was held responsible in the future for remembering what exactly perfume smelled like, it would be "Red", or "Divine", or "Happy". I got a bottle of "Divine" for Christmas when I was a sophomore in high school. I keep some in the tackle box that serves as my spill over jewelry holder, and it's required of me to wear it this time of year. Memories of sweaters, and touring plantations with my husband (specifically Oak Alley and Nottaway) fill my head.
As silly as it seems, I want my boys to remember the way I smell, as I do my own mother. When they're too big to be with me everyday, and when they eventually leave for their own lives, I want that piece of me to go with them. And when they smell winter, and turn to whoever fills their time and heart, they can say, "My Mama wore "Purple Orchids" everyday, but in the winter she smelled "Divine".
Keep me close my babies. Your baby breath will fall away and your sweet feet will turn stinky, but we can save your little boy memories in a bottle. I promise use a little bit every day.

Home

2008-12-01T17:26:00.002-06:00

I promised this place a post and here we are. I'm not promising good writing, however. This is the one place where there isn't the pressure to be clever or funny or smart. Thank goodness.

I'm getting sick, I do believe. Cramps, the sneaky kind, came this morning. The sore throat started in the night and now my ears feel full and hot. Blech. I asked my husband to take care of me; sometimes I just need that. He is, thank goodness.

I talked to my Mom when they got back home after being here for Thanksgiving. After going through a long story about how her brother's family isn't sending gifts outside of their immediate family, and saying that my brother told her we wanted a simple Christmas, she wanted to know what that meant. "Are you having money trouble?", she asked. I wanted to say, "uhhh, no, but like, the WHOLE WORLD is?" But I didn't. I tried to be gentle about it. My parents tend to go overboard at Christmas and it makes me and my brother nervous.

I just want to be with them when we go visit, without coming home with a carload of stuff we don't need. I don't want to seem ungrateful for all of the toys my kids got last year but an entire minivan full of toys is entirely too many for 2 children.

They took my poor brother to the Mall the day after Thanksgiving and he all but had a panic attack. My sweet, thrift store shopping baby brother, forced into Black Friday MADNESS. Geez, Louize rentals (our name for our parents).

I'm giving books this year. It's what I always used to do, before I let the pressure of keeping up with my parents get to me. Books, hand painted canvas bags to hold them, and I think some small little photo albums of each person with the boys. Good gifts, that aren't expensive, but still meaningful. Right?

We're doing a generally good Christmas for the boys here at home. But tonight we start Advent time. Last year was our first cycle and Winston LOVED it. We have a book, with doors you open everyday, and books that focus on the real Christmas story. Lots of fun Santa-y books fill out our story times too, but I really tried hard to find good Nativity-related stories to read to them.

I'm thinking of doing a post everyday of Advent. They could be stories from past Christmas's, or links to songs, or whatever my brain spits out. It would, if nothing else, help me remember next year what we did every night, and keep a memory of it for the boys.

Tonight we're hanging up the advent calendar, made of Christmas socks. We're read Olivia Helps With Christmas, and find the website we used last year. I'll link to it tomorrow.

Thanks for being an open space for me. To just talk as I do and love me still.

A Bunch

2008-11-30T17:24:00.001-06:00

I have a new post up at OpenSalon. I'm sorry I haven't posted here, it's just that the picture thing is so much easier over there! I promise to post something for just this little space soon, like tomorrow.... Until then:

http://open.salon.com/content.php?cid=52913

Thankful Twilight

2008-11-20T07:29:00.027-06:00

I believe it all started with my Mom watching “Dark Shadows” at her babysitters house as a child. Somehow, that vampire fascination was transferred to me in utero, and fostered later by R.L. Stine and Anne Rice. Passing the heritage on to my children has been successful as well; their favorite Halloween book is Vunce Upon A Time . But through all of my reading, nothing has captured the undead compartment of my heart quite like Twilight, by Stephanie Meyer, and her accompanying series. And now, as if to propel me into full blown “fangirl” mode, the big screen adaptation of Meyer’s phenomenal first book is coming to theatres on Friday.

This culmination of Twilight’s cultural coup has people of all ages breathlessly awaiting there chance in the theater. With the release date so close to Thanksgiving, I think the coming together around this movie will end up being an interesting pre-cursor to Thanksgiving. Many of us will be blushing over Edward Cullen while simultaneously planning our turkey dinners. Although I would probably have to rework my menu if the Cullens actually came to supper; they are vegetarians after all.

The morally driven family that compose “The Cullens” has been cast perfectly for their upcoming debut. Ashley Greene, as the dark-haired, prophetic, tinkerbell Alice, is the spitting image of Stephanie Meyer’s description. Kellen Lutz, who Meyer fought to have cast as Emmett, fits the construct created throughout the Twilight Saga perfectly. As the list goes on we have Jackson Rathbone as Jasper, whose beauty in this role forces me to squelch my own squeals when I think about it. Nikki Reed’s portrayal as Rosalie has slowly grown on me, and I’ve come to think her casting spot on as well. Carlisle and Esme, the vampire parents of the Cullen brood are as warm and loving in the movie clips as they are in written word. Finally, though, we have Robert Pattison as Edward Cullen. I will admit more than my fair share of gawking when it comes to him in character as the beloved Edward. Some fans were slow to see his devastatingly flawless transition from Harry Potter’s Cedric to Twilight’s Edward, but I was enamored from the start. Stephanie Meyer even allowed him inside access into her writing, so that his character could be as exact as possible.

As far as Bella Swan is concerned, the casting director took the illustration out of my mind and made it reality. Kristen Stewart’s face is the actual picture I saw as I read her heart-wrenching love story. The Mamapop review of Twilight describes her interpretation of Bella saying, “Stewart's Bella was [n]either wimp nor precocious teen; she was just as Meyer wrote her and was desperately in love without coming off as desperate “.

The one casting choice I have a problem with is that of Jacob Black. His character is the one I love the most in Meyer’s books, so his mis-casting hurts more than any of the others could have. When they opened up Jacob’s role for the movie, the itinerary suggested that a Native American would definitely fill the slot. The announcement that Solomon Trimble, a Native American from Oregon, would take on the part of Sam Uley was encouraging. Even so, the very young and very un-Native Taylor Lautner was chosen to play Jacob. My disappointment isn’t unfounded, there are many fans that still aren’t happy with his characterization. I don’t know what Meyer’s stance on Taylor’s ethnicity is, but he lacks the ingrained knowledge that growing up in those traditions gives someone like Solomon. It does, however, give me an opportunity to involve my boys in my obsession even further than their Halloween costumes (They were Edward and Jacob to my Bella), as I can explain the misrepresentation of the First Americans in the Thanksgiving story through a Twilight-colored lens.

Even though the Cullens can't actually celebrate Thanksgiving in the customary fashion, their sense of family is very much in tact. Their love for Bella, and subsequently her father, Charlie, is a wonderful example to us all in accepting people in our hearts who we don't expect to find a seat there. Alice and Bella's friendship is the deepest representation of this outside of Bella's relationship with Edward. It helps that Alice could "see" them becoming family before Bella even knew she existed, but their love for each other is healing in a world where women are expected to compete with each other in everything.

I’m hopeful the projected depiction of Bella’s relationship with her father, Charlie, will hold up to the books. Theirs is a slow-to-warm connection but the love between them in always evident, whether it be through Bella infamous gifted truck, or the dinners she tediously prepares for her single Dad. We are witness to the blossoming of a father/daughter relationship throughout Stephanie's books, at a time in a girl's life when paternal bonds are most often ignored or rebelled against. I can’t wait to see them this weekend.

I feel like part of my mind has been privy so someone else’s extended dream sequence. An entire space inside my skull has been overtaken by these books and movie. To quote Mrs. Meyer herself on the dream that started all of this, she says: “I woke up (on that June 2nd) from a very vivid dream. In my dream, two people were having an intense conversation in a meadow in the woods. One of these people was just your average girl. The other person was fantastically beautiful, sparkly, and a vampire.”. My husband, whose read three out of the four books, is taking me to see the film on Saturday. It’s an early Thanksgiving gift to each other; our second movie night in almost 4 years. I wish everyone would place an extra setting for Bella and Edward, and their love story at their feast this year. Just keep one live gobbler on hand for Edward to consume during your festivities.

P.S. This post would not have been possible without the incredibly clever members of the Twilight Saga Fans Group on Ravelry. They are the most witty and creative bunch you'll ever find on the internet. Thanks lovelies!!

P.S.S. An edited version of this is going up on CrabbyGoLightly this morning, I'll post the link as soon as it's available....

www.crabbygolightly.com/vampires.html

Not Another One!

2008-11-18T18:11:00.002-06:00

I have a fun post up at OpenSalon, and since it's easier to post pictures over there I'm just going to link to it!

http://open.salon.com/content.php?cid=45793#post_comments

I hope you enjoy...

Holy Turkey Feathers!!!

2008-11-17T09:55:00.002-06:00

It's almost Thanksgiving! I was sitting here thinking about doing womit laundry (Winston and I both had stomach stuff last night, blech), and The Mr. reminded me that I might want to order a fried turkey from the place down the street. We do this every year, but I just thought I had more time or something!! ACK!

I also need to nail down my menu so I can get crackin on prep work. So let's look at the current plan, shall we?

Thanksgiving 2008 Menu (so far):

Fried Turkey - I grew up, at least partly, in Louisiana, and this is the best tasting way I've ever eaten turkey.

Oyster Dressing - Same concept. it makes my husband very happy, the boys love it. My mom doesn't like oysters, so I'm think of just leaving some oyster-free at the end of the pan for her. It's a Paula Deen recipe. She's a great resource around the holidays!

Roasted Butternut Squash - I used to make Giada Delaurentis's butternut squash lasagna, but when was nine months pregnant with Wednesday (he was born the Monday after Thanksgiving 2006), I switched to Rachael Ray's butternut squash and I like it much better. The left overs can be used in muffins, alongside your left over cranberry sauce (Catherine Newman recipe from last year). So yummy!

Brussel Sprouts- This is a Giada recipe that I've modified a little bit. Most of what my family considers traditional Thanksgiving food is not what my husband and I grew up eating. I did this on purpose so we;d have our own traditions as a family.

Green Beans - I'm doing these this year too. My brother is coming and I think he might knock me upside the head if I made him try a brussel sprout. The recipe I used last year was a mix of two I found in the 2005 Southern Living Christmas Magazine. I might get my Mom to do these in my un-opened pressure cooker to give us more room on the stove.

Cranberry Sauce- Out of the can. The end. :)

Gravy- I made my own last year and put livers and gizzards to make it taste good. This year I'm leaving out the gizzards. It tastes really good!

Veggie Tray- This is a tradition taken from my Grandmother's Thanksgiving table. A bunch of veggies, black olives, pickles, and ranch dip. I usually offer two dips though.

Dessert- This is where I'm stick this year. I try to change it up but still use traditional flavors. Last year we had grits pie (Paula Deen) and Gingerbread Pudding in the crockpot (Southern Living Slow Cooker cookbook). Since my parents and brother are coming I want to do even more traditional things so they don't miss being at my Grandmother's house too much. Pecan pie? It will never be as good as my Grandmothers...sigh... Maybe some kind of bar with pecans? Something in the crockpot would be good because it's easy and out of the way for the rest of the day. Maybe some kind of crumble in the crockpot. I can go searching through the Crockpot Lady's archives and find something delicious, I'm sure.

So there we have it. That wasn't so bad. Thank you for letting me use this space to figure out my plans!! Now I just need to start a grocery list of all the stuff I can buy this week so I don't have to fight the crowds next week!!

I've asked for a solo Target trip to get Wednesday's birthday stuff. And I need a trip to Michael's to get craft stuff for Winston's Feast on Friday. I offered to do the craft. I couldn't bring myself to just bring small corn on the cob or cheese squares!!

I may come back later today to add things here. I'd love to know what your Thanksgiving tradition are as well!! Would you share them with me, please?

National Joy After A Long Winter

2008-11-16T16:14:00.001-06:00

Although the euphoria Obama’s supporters felt on the night of his election is slowly wearing off, the historical meaning has not. Since Obama’s election win I’ve seen small, passionate groups of people protesting the war on the street, and had strangers speak with such sincerity to me and my children that it makes my heart swell. Despite the war path of the far right and “Sexy Sarah’s” media blitz, there seems to have been an overwhelming surge of sanity in our country since Obama’s victory. Swept up in the celebratory nature of this space in time, even conservatives are acclimating to their forthcoming commander-in-chief.

We all listened on that momentous night, as John McCain shushed his booing supporters and challenged them to accept Barack Obama as their president, as he himself vowed to do. His speech was full of a long-term comprehension of what the occasion meant, but his comments about the election during his interview with Jay Leno are the ones that gave me the most confidence in the future of our country. Toward the very end of their chat, Leno asked him how he felt about the “hostility” toward him in the media. McCain’s gracious response was perfection: “We're supposed to be able to take this kind of stuff, you know. You know, one thing I think Americans don't want is a sore loser .” It was that gentle reminder that the legacy created by Obama’s success out weighed the grubbiness of the campaign that finally won John McCain my respect.

Elizabeth Hasselbeck is also working hard to be a team player. The View’s token Republican may be busy spouting unfounded claims about Proposition 8 now, but her sentiment toward our next president on November 5th came as a great surprise. My vow of celibacy toward The View was broken that morning; I wanted to see what Elizabeth had to say now that her candidate had lost. She explained sitting her daughter, Grace, on her lap to watch Obama’s acceptance speech that morning. Her little girl immediately recognized Barack Obama and Elizabeth encouraged her excitement, telling Grace that he was our new President. When Grace asked who’d lost the election, Elizabeth told her no one had, because our country had gained such a great leader. Impressed, I continued to be baffled when she said she was ready to get in line behind Obama’s supporters, and that she understands his talent for bringing people together and inciting action. She was right to simplify the democratic process for Grace as she did, especially with this all-encompassing election. No one loses when millions of people rise together to speak with their votes. There are no losers when an African American man makes it all the way to the White House.

It appears even Mrs. Palin is willing to set aside her differences with Obama. Just a few days ago she told Wolf Blitzer she’d be glad to assist the Obama administration any way she could, especially when it came to energy policy and special-needs children. She goes onto contradict her seeming acceptance of Obama’s win with more negative words, but the original feeling isn’t lost. I appreciate her helpful offers, even in they’re superficial in nature.

As a whole, our country appears to be embracing the decision that it’s majority made. While we wait out the lame-duck period between leaders, a new Gallup pole shows an increase in the number of conservatives who believe Obama will make an effective president. Since the final votes were counted, conservative morale for our president-elect has increased to 45%, a drastic improvement from it’s original 23% before the election. The feelings of a Twitter-friend who had hoped for a different outcome this year keep re-playing in my mind. She said that although she was saddened by McCain’s loss, she sincerely hoped that the promises Obama made to our nation were kept.

Smiling was painful by the fifth evening of this memorable month, and my happy tears still come easy as I dream of all the wounds that can be healed by this new administration. I know people like Elizabeth Hasselbeck prayed for an alternate American destiny, but I also desire for the hope of this fresh era to continue to be infectious for all her citizens.

Aw Shucks- A poem

2008-11-13T00:14:00.002-06:00

When I was in second grade

and came to fully understand the meaning of

disgusting,

I incorporated into my vocabulary completely.

It took me almost 20 years to find a new word.

If I typed the way I talk

my most resounding word would be

ridiculous.

At least I don't say

"shush up" and "shucks" like I used to.

Now my curses usually start with "God ..."

And end with " ... you"

It's ridiculous.

Sorry guys, I couldn't sleep until I wrote it out. It's meant to be sarcastic and funny :o)!!!!

A Hasselfree Kind of View

2008-11-12T17:45:00.008-06:00

Since Obama’s election win I’ve seen small passionate groups of people protesting the war on the street, and had strangers speak with such sincerity to me and my children that it makes my heart swell. There seems to have been an overwhelming surge of sanity in our country since Obama’s win. My strongest example of this is Elizabeth Hasselbeck’s words on the November 5th airing of The View.

Now I know Mrs. Hasselbeck has already gone back into defense mode to some extent. Spouting unfounded claims about Proposition 8 doesn’t improve anyone’s mental capacity. But her sentiment toward our next president was a pleasant surprise. I purposefully watched The View on November 5th. I wanted to see what Elizabeth had to say now that her candidate had lost. She explained sitting her daughter, Grace, on her lap to watch Obama’s acceptance speech that morning. Her little girl immediately recognized Barack Obama and Elizabeth encouraged her excitement, telling Grace that he was our new President. When Grace asked who’d lost the election, Elizabeth told her no one had, because our country had gained such a great leader. Impressed, I continued to be baffled when she said she was ready to get in line behind Obama’s supporters, and that she feels like he has a talent for bringing people together and inciting action.

The relief that the election was over was evident on everyone’s face, but especially Mrs. Hasselbeck’s. It was almost as if she had gone back to her previously non-GOP-crazy self. That version of Elizabeth is one I have always liked. She first came under my radar on the Style Network, where she hosted a really entertaining show called “The Look For Less”. When she began her co-hosting duties on The View I was excited. Not knowing she was a Republican, I saw her as a supremely creative and intelligent young woman. She has a degree in Fine Arts and shared words with the audience after her daughter was born that I still take to heart. Incidentally, they were about remembering to do something creative everyday to preserve that part of one self as a new mother. When the slightly-psychotic behavior over an invite to W’s ball at the White House started I knew she was in trouble. With her intense behavior during the last two elections, not many of her opposing party see her as the clever and inspired anymore.

I’m hoping that the ladies of The View can allow Elizabeth to reclaim her place as the creative leader of the group; exemplifying the bridge between their political parties that we know Obama himself intends to build. As a mother, I think Elizabeth does a fantastic job, and that part of her needs to shine right now. She shouldn’t be demonized for her beliefs, even though she’s more than a little over the top. The View benefits greatly from her argumentative personality; she has brought her show worldwide news coverage more than any other host in the last couple of years.
I smiled so much on November 5th that my face hurt by bedtime, and even now, whenever I think of the places our country will be able to go now I almost cry. I know people like Elizabeth prayed for a different outcome in this election, but I also desire for the hope of this time in America to continue to be infectious for all her citizens.

That Boy

2008-11-09T17:43:00.004-06:00

Hunter S. Thompson killed himself on Kurt Cobain's birthday, when I was pregnant with my first child, on the day the men came to fix the air conditioner. Only one of them knew who he was. I ate tostadas and talked to my stomach. He knew who Kurt Cobain was, at least.

When they brought that boy into my room the nurses started talking but I couldn't hear them. He was crying, and I said "Shhh, baby. It's ok..." and he stopped. It was magic. They finally put him in my arms because I was too drugged to pick him up myself. The nurse thought I said I was overwhelmed when I suddenly couldn't talk. What I said was that I was overjoyed. He was born with a mohawk.

He is devastatingly handsome, even at three. He looks so much like his father, acts so much like his father. I catch myself saying, "He is YOUR child", because they are so similar. My heart knows that when his Papa does leave, I'll be able to see him in that boy's face. It's reassuring to know my favorite eyebrows will be preserved for another generation.

"When I grow up, I want to be a King and an acrobat!" This announcement came about a month ago. My little brother wanted to be a Lion. Now that he's been in school for a while he's told me he wants to be a doctor. I was disappointed; knowing what a standard answer that was for such a far off dream. He's also learned that the opposite of skinny is fat. That is an awful word. I never use it and am going to force him to say, "rotund" instead. I remember reading somewhere that Sarah Jessica Parker never used that "f word" around her son. She is noble for that.

In Blockbuster, waiting to pay for movies, he read half of the word "gobstopper". He wants to read so badly. It's right there on the tip of his mind and it's amazing to watch. That world is and always has been so important to us, me and that boy. Reading together is something we've always done. Donovan the cat used to get so mad at me for reading to my huge belly. We had to put her on a sedative so I could read You Are My I Love You as often as I required. He can "read" any book that we've read once. He repeats almost every word, in almost perfect order.

I love that boy. He will be taller than me by the first grade, I'm sure. But for right now he still lets me call him my baby. He has my heart in a way no one else does. That boy; my boy. He's never belonged to me, I know that, but I'm glad he was given.

Ramblings

2008-11-08T15:34:00.004-06:00

A warning first. There is nothing important being said here. I can't promise any great reward or understanding in my concluding paragraph. My English teacher's would not be happy with this writing. So please, only read if you want to.

I started blogging in my head months before I actually started Cookiemonks. I actually started it and then deleted it once before I finally committed to making it real. I did the same with Twitter. I joined, and tweeted away in my brain, but didn't say very much. I'm still uncomfortable reducing my word count so that I fit in that box and sound somewhat intelligent. Poetry is something I find impossible to pull out of my head. Without an internal tape recorder in there to catch the phrases, they just leap frantically across my vision. Grammar Gazelles. I did write fast enough to capture one for my husband about a month ago. He says he read it, but didn't realize I had written it. He thought I just found it and sent it to him. I kind of did, but my mind formed the words before my hands typed them.

I am feeling rather unclever these days. There are so many others out there who are so much more than I have time to be. With the election over I feel like my air has been let out slightly. Too much important work needs to be done for me to find value in the trivial things I feel lead to write about. I have something pretty well put together that ties True Blood and Miss Louisiana mishaps together. But who cares? I have to care. Music is something I've needed to talk about for a long time. It's so big though; the smell hairspray on Halloween made me want to perform when I haven't since I was pregnant with Winston.

All of my clothes fit again. It matters only in the fact that I recognize myself in the mirror after seeing someone else for a good 3 years. Close pregnancies were wonderful, but a curse at the same time. I think the hormones have finally settled now that the baby will soon be two. With that part closed for now, I want to see myself as a writer, in conjunction with my permanent Mommy mantle. But mostly I just see too many dirty dishes, and mountains of laundry, and gorgeous yarn for projects I can't complete.

I wonder sometimes what experiences I would have gained if I would have stepped outside the geeky-brain-girl box just a little bit sooner. My family, as it is today, would be much the same. These are my only people in the world. But what would I have gained, if I'd stopped caring about grades for just a little while longer. One of these days I'll finish school. I even missed that for a few fleeting moments when I had to bring The Mr. something at work (he is a professor).

Winston forced me up from here to chase him. It was fun, I'm not good at that most of the time. I chased both the boys, and peeled their sweaty jammies off, and gave them pretend Halloween tattoos, and blew bubbles at the cats with them. "Make an ooo and blow through it". At least I taught someone to blow bubbles in my lifetime.

I'm baking a pumpkin with no plans for a pie. That is my wild and crazy side these days. I've never really had one to begin with. I think I'm going to blend it with some cream cheese and brown some marshmallows on top. It will taste good, if nothing else.

I have to keep writing, even with nothing to say. My brain has come back to me in such huge amounts since I've started that it would never forgive me if I stopped.

So here's to vampires and maybe even Elizabeth Hasselbeck. They're coming. If I stop them they'll kill me!

Genius

2008-11-07T19:31:00.002-06:00

We were standing in line at Blockbuster, waiting to pay for our movies. Winston asked what the name of some candy was and I told him I didn't know. I was busy trying to keep Wednesday from grabbing all the candy and making a huge mess. So Winston goes "Guh, Ahh, Buh, Ssss. Gob-sllj;jfihg" He read half a word people. HE READ HALF OF A WORD!!!! HE IS ONLY THREE!!!! The candy was, of course, gobstoppers. Something we have never bought, so he couldn't cheat by just recognizing the box. The lady in front of us turned around and smiled at him. I am so extremely impressed with him. Holy Majolie!!!!!

He's been doing all kind of serious pre-reading stuff forever, and working with "a-t" and various consonants at school. This is the first time that he's sounded things out and then put the sounds together for a word. I am so excited. Reading is like a whole world opening, and it's coming so close for him.

I love you, Winston. You are an incredible boy, and I am so proud to be your Mommy.

Pillow Talk

2008-11-04T14:05:00.014-06:00

I hate talking on the telephone. In fact, I hate it so much that I rarely even answer it. When I do pick it up, I've been known to lie, repeatedly, to get off as quickly as possible. Telling a telemarketer they just woke up my sleeping baby is my favorite, but I've accepted magazine offers and fibbed about TV surveys as well. This is exactly why I have no faith in a new study that concludes that teens who watch sexually mature "boob tube" tales are more likely to get pregnant. I realize that has nothing to do with a phone. The exception is that all of the data for this inherently flawed study was gathered in exactly that manner. 12 to 17 year olds were asked by phone, over a 3 year period, to give honest recollections of their sexual behaviors in accordance with the kind shows they prefer. Lying is something that all humans learn to do at an early age, but I think it's perfected during the angsty adolescent years.

According to the study, the kids interviewed were twice as likely to become pregnant when their visual vices tended toward the raunchy than those who watched more wholesome programming. That seems clear enough until you look at the actual numbers in the experiment. After losing an unreported quarter of their participants, more of the 1461 remaining people were dismissed if they didn't share their sexual activity, or were sexually inactive. In total, 64% of the original teenagers are either invisible within the findings, or never finished the process. So the information we've been fed covers 36% of a group of teenagers who spoke on the phone 3 times over the course of 3 years with researchers they didn't know personally. Whether they were honest or not ceases to matter when such an enormous amount of data is thrown away. The statistics are irrevocably skewed with such a small sample size. Would you lie? I might if I knew in doing so I would cause such absurd observations to get so much news coverage .

There was only one saving grace in all of this scientific hullabaloo. It was suggested that parents sit down with their young adults and explain a realistic perspective of the intimate encounters they view. My own Mom spent entire weekends watching "My So Called Life" marathons with me on MTV. She taught sex ed at the time, so that helped. But what was most comforting was just having her there; not so much talking as simply being present to answer questions and appreciate the program for the reasons I loved it, not the reasons I shouldn't be watching it.

I think we have to be smart enough as parents to realize that our kids don't learn everything from us. My 3 year old spends his entire time on the playground at school pretending to be Spider Man or a Power Ranger when the only experience he has with either of those is a pair of baby-sized boxer shorts. Instead of demanding he change his play habits because he's not old enough to watch those cartoons at home, I've tried to explain, as best I can, the most interesting and useful parts of both Peter Parker and the Red Ranger. With that knowledge he can imagine more confidently on the playground and still be the big small boy he's meant to be.

Clarity of mind for anything beyond girl cooties and Mama-love is almost a decade away for me. I don't know exactly how I'll deal with regulating television while remaining open when the time comes. However, I do know I'd rather be sitting on the couch with my boys, watching Degrassi and pointing out the realities and over simplifications, than banning them from watching at all. Intimacy will, as one commenter said, be their choice in the end. I want them to have the most balanced knowledge of any situation possible when they reach it. Maybe I should start watching Gossip Girl for the sake of future research. It would give me a good reason to take the phone off the hook!

A Hot Topic

2008-10-31T09:35:00.001-05:00

The trip started out innocently enough; or as innocent as a shopping expedition specifically to acquire vampire paraphernalia can. My 3 year old son and I traipsed into our local Hot Topic to pick out a Twilight t-shirt for me and a friend. After we’d chosen out shirts (mine, and hers), I went looking for a store employee to ask about some lapel pins I’d seen on their website. I found both a you man and woman having a heated discussion as they arranged various body piercing decorations. I was going to interrupt, but then I tentatively overhead “Obama....liar....”, and I couldn’t not listen. The young woman, who, if I was judging strictly by appearance, should be an Obama supporter, went on to say that Obama was not an American, and that’s what we needed for a president. That was ridiculous enough that my face started feeling hot, but she continued. She said, “Someone should really just kill him before the election”. My face was so heated that I was starting to sweat when I heard the young man say, “If you gave me the right tools I’d do it myself!!”. I pulled my son closer to me and asked politely for assistance with something, but then I couldn’t speak.. I was so appalled and baffled when they made eye contact with me that I just stood there, holding my baby’s hand, looking dumb.

After a good 20 second I asked about the pins. The man led me to the counter with a much too stern look, and I walked around to thumb through the pins. I wanted so badly to say something. I wanted to admonish them for speaking that way in front of my child, especially when most of their customers are in essence still children themselves. Greedily, I dreamed of asking for an accurate count of the bands represented through t-shirts and albums who actually supported John McCain. In my own head, I ask if they knew their lifestyle was a direct opposition to everything McCain stands for. Did they think that he would appreciate their painstakingly crafted tattoos that ran up and down their arms? Was their carefully culled persona of a “punk” or “goth” something they were willing to just throw away?

When we got home I searched under every possible topic for other McCain supporters who fit the profile of the employees in the Mall. My searches all came up empty, with maybe two random single sentences of support by someone who called themselves a “hard rocker” or an equally anti-establishment label. I did, however, find this quote from McCain 2002 memoir, “ ‘A rebel without a cause is just a punk. Whatever you're called - rebel, unorthodox, nonconformist, radical - it's all self-indulgence without a good cause to give your life meaning’ ”. In this instance, Mr. McCain was actually right. I know that with very few exceptions, McCain supporters would be as disgusted as I was by my experience. A self-indulgent outer facade doesn’t make up for a lack of understanding of what this election truly means to all citizens.

After two days of inner-dialogue, I opened the sack from Hot Topic to pack a Halloween gift for my friend. I picked up the pin and the irony was so funny I couldn’t contain myself. I ran to tell my husband my discovery, laughing and slapping my hand across my forehead. In two days I hadn’t been able to understand how those people felt cared for or bolstered by McCain’s policies when their choices are something that McCain himself clearly wants nothing to do with. Looking at the pin I understood. It read: “Stupid Lamb”.

Vestments: Off My Chest

2008-10-29T07:51:00.028-05:00

I am awaiting the dawn of the "Prada Politicians". Their arrival is imminent, and some have already begun to infiltrate. They're slow moving, like zombies, to keep us from catching on too quickly. Seriously though, I feel like the women involved in this year's political campaign are turning into bad replicas of Sex and the City characters. All of them land somewhere between Charlotte and Samantha on the fashion Richter scale. Additionally, I don't recall the outward appearance of any recent male politicians making such big news, outside of a few bad hair jokes. The detailed review of the physical, and therefore strictly female, spectra of these women is one of the most sexist and dirty political tactics I've seen throughout this entire campaign.

Hillary Clinton has always received a good amount of attention for her personal style, but the point at which this entire concept "jumped the shark" was when she was persuaded to leave off a diamond ring her husband gave her in order to display a more respectable amount of bling. Whether your platform focuses on family values or not, a ring on your hand from your spouse shows nothing but commitment. The irony here is that Sarah Palin's role in her daughter's pregnancy and inevitable engagement has been so highly celebrated . Even though the GOP won't acknowledge the ring's existence, it's being used to bolster the wholesome image of the deeply damaged Palin family .

But accessories aren't the only source of contention is this campaign. The main culprit is the clothes themselves, and not only due to Sarah Palin's recent shopping spree. Absurdity of apparel began, for me, when someone priced the clothes that Cindy McCain and Laura Bush wore to the RNC. Mrs. McCain's total came to over $300,000! To use one of Mr. McCain's preferred euphemisms, “Joe the Plumber” could certainly not afford to buy his wife a similar outfit. Additionally it is not lost on me that Mrs. McCain and Samantha Jones from SATC could exchange wardrobes and no one would be the wiser! Mrs. Bush's ensemble was more on par with her standard of living, costing somewhere between 3 and $4,000, which I appreciated at the time of the report, and still value today. If Mrs. Palin's desire is to come across as an ordinary hockey mom, then following in Laura’s footsteps would have been the wisest decision for her and her party.

Just as jewelry isn't singularly responsible for the fashion faux pas’ on this journey to November, neither are the Republicans alone in their gluttonous glamour. As much as I respect the Obama family, I was saddened to realize that Michelle had the help of Oprah's makeover team to polish her appearance for major events ( I can't find this link anywhere!, can you help, please?). I want all of these women to enjoy the once in a lifetime experience that the expedition to the White House brings, but not at the expense of their humanity. They are, after all, supposed to represent all Americans, and more specifically all American women. Hillary's stylist was quoted as saying that clothing someone like these ladies would normally be an honor for any designer.
She found it strange that Sarah Palin hadn't been given more business-couture clothes for free! That, for me, is even more outlandish that the GOP spending all of that money on beautification of Mrs. Sarah.

There is a crisis of vanity in America, and the women of the 2008 Presidential campaign have not escaped it's clutches. As our economy continues to falter and we await some sort of saviour, the American delusion of what a politician is to look like stands in the way of financial competency. I don't believe this is what's important to women in this election, and yet it receives so much news coverage that it's hard to ignore. I guess you can only re-do a suit and tie so many times, but I feel like this issue of fashion is just not worrisome with male politicians. On the contrary, maybe I'm just naive, or just a woman, so I'm noticing all of these things more often. Perhaps it's because we are still unused to seeing women in this role, so the box we want to squeeze them into hasn't quite been hammered down yet.

Moreover, it's sad that I made a comment about Sarah Palin needing to wear her hair down, and the next day read somewhere that she'd been advised to do exactly that . Her hair shouldn't be a main issue, and I shouldn't put weight into the subtleness of her mane. It's ridiculous that Michelle's beautifully arched brows are probably the result of Oprah coveted eyebrow guru. I don't want them to be another "bridge to nowhere". It's sickening that the GOP made such a stink about Sarah Palin's lack of retouching on her Newsweek cover . I don't want these women to be "retouched". Who they are, as mothers, citizens, and females, is drastically more important.

My Mom is a minister's wife. She married my Dad knowing that a certain persona would be expected of her wherever we lived. She adamantly refuses to fill the mold. Always herself, she supports him in his job as he supports her, and doesn't give into the pressure or the low level glamour that could come from the variety of dinners and events they attend. In the same manner, I wonder if Jackie O's style was something cultivated by a team of high paid stylists, or simply her own style exemplified. In a way, Megan McCain's greatly publicized tattoo she plans to get if her father wins says it clearly, "Life Free, or Die". I know, very well, that she wasn't talking about clothes or even the death of self, but that's what this microcosm of vestments is causing right now. Unconscious and grandiose decisions like these continue to deflate the credibility of the election process and the American dream.

A co-authored version is here: http://www.crabbygolightly.com/sellingperfection.html

Thanks!

In Reply

2008-10-26T17:57:00.004-05:00

This post is in reply to my officially crowned Bloggy Godmother's recent post. There are at least 3 other things I should be writing right now, but I WANT to write this. I figured that was a good start, maybe I'll want to write the other things soon.

Six Random Facts About Me:

1. I can sing the pants off any just about any Jewel or Sarah McLachlan song, excluding their newest albums. I was a voice major, at least for a little while. I have papers!

2. My favorite TV show of all time is Ally McBeal. My current affliction in True Blood.

3. I have an unnatural love of Twilight. I am of the Jacob persuasion.

4. My children each have one name that came either from a Neil Gaiman book, or a dream I had while pregnant.

5. I have never dyed my hair. Ever. I did have quite a few perms as a child though!

6. I was chastised in Sunday School as a child for saying Away in A Manger was my favorite hymn. Apparently it was only reserved for Christmas. It's still my favorite, even though I am a wayward church-er.

EDIT! I forgot to tag anyone!

Ummm...

1. Emblita, because she just sent me the most amazing package I have ever received. And the circle must never be broken!!! ;)

2. Constance (the first), because I H-E-A-R-T her.

That's all I can think of right now...

It's my Bloggy and I'll Write What I Want To!

2008-10-23T17:00:00.003-05:00

So, Halloween. It's coming. My house is decorated, not the extent it was last year, but pretty done up none the less. My boys costumes are almost finished as is mine and my husband's. I found out this week that the Festival at my husband's school (he's a professor, ooh lala!) is actually on Halloween night. Our plan is to take the boys Trick or Treating around the neighborhood early (5-6ish) and then head over to the "Festibul" as Winston termed it last year. So my question is, do I keep my costume on to go to this thing? Or do I take it off? The last time I went in full costume I was Frida Khalo and won second in the costume contest. This year I'll be Bella a la Prom from Twilight. What do you think?

Also, Wednesday's birthday is ON Thanksgiving this year. My parents are planning on coming, which I'm actually excited about. Usually it's just me and my boys, hubby included, on Thanksgiving. We usually see my MIL at some point during the day and even eat at her house some years. Even so, I've never gotten to share the traditions I've started for my own little family with my parents and I'm so looking forward to it. We have our own food traditions that I've established in the past few years, on top of all the fun things I want to do for Wednesday's birthday.

I was having trouble coming up with a theme, and then it hit me that I can do over the top Thanksgiving stuff! In the newest Parents magazine they have a pattern to cut out Turkey feathers to put on the back on a kid's high chair. I could do that for everyone! And the new Martha Stewart Living has a recipe for Candy Cornucopias which is so freakin cute. I already have a lot of Fall/Thanksgiving decorations, and can continue to find/make things before the party. I want the boys to do a big collage again this year. Last year it was Halloween themed, but this year I want it to be Thanksgiving/Birthday/Winter so we can hang it up for Wednesday's party! Also, instead of part hats I thought I could make a bunch of pilgrim hats. No head dresses as I can't bring myself to be THAT historically inaccurate! Dream catchers might be nice to have for everyone. Happy wishes for everyone after a Happy Birthday!

To make things extra special for him, I was thinking of doing a birthday meal either the night before or after, depending on when my parents are here. That way we can continue our every-Thanksgiving eats as usual, and still have a fun meal for birthday time. I'm thinking butternut squash lasagna, turkey meatballs in the crockpot, and green bean casserole that has chips on the top instead of the onion things. I want to make my appley cake I made for Winston's class at camp and maybe a pie as well!

So in honor of all things Halloween and a Thanksgiving birth, here are some links to the crafts I'm talking about and the Halloween websites I love:

Thanksgiving Crafts: Pilgrim Hats Arts & Crafts - and More Great Family Fun Craft Ideas Pilgrim Hats for my little turkeys!

Make a Dream Catcher for Kids Dream-Catchers.org Dream Catchers for Wednesday's B-day.

A Nostalgic Halloween Just beautiful inspiring artwork.

Bella's Prom Dress by ~Erynne-L on deviantART My ensemble is based on this dress, because it's the one Stephenie Meyer had in mind when she wrote Twilight. Mine is not so releaving, and actually a sleeveless dress with a lace shirt underneath.

http://belladia.typepad.com/crafty_crow/ So many good craft projects from all over the interenet!

http://www.shadowmanor.com/blog/ The Art of Darkness, I read here everyday!

http://afancifultwist.typepad.com/a_fanciful_twist/2008/10/halloween-extravaganza.html An online Halloween Fete, so gorgeous!

http://community.livejournal.com/twilight_crafts/ Twlighty Goodness

http://www.marthastewart.com/goodthings/candy-cornucopias?autonomy_kw=cornucopia&rsc=header_6 Candy Cornucopias

Not so Fantastic, Scholatstic!

2008-10-23T06:00:00.005-05:00

Two weeks ago my son brought home his first Scholastic book club order form from pre-school. Just the smell of that flimsy paper sent hundreds of memories from my own elementary experience flooding back to me. I started Scholastic's book club in Kindergarten, and continued in the classroom and by mail until about 6th grade. I immediately sat down with a pen and put stars by the things I wanted to buy for my boys, just like I used to for myself. I even let Winston, the pre-schooler, mark his own choices with the pen. We ordered far too many books; on Halloween, and Jewish holidays, and monsters, and school. They came in last week and I think I was more excited than the boys were!

But there are two stories in the news that are clouding my positive outlook on Scholastic's book club. First, because of a massive campaign by parents here and in Canada, Scholastic has decided to pull the Bratz books from it's pamphlets. Now, I don't like Bratz Dolls or anything else that goes with them. Just the name of the doll itself is enough to turn me off, not to mention their horrendous make up, clothes, and general attitude. What bothers me about Scholastic pulling books is that they, well, pulled the books. There is a fine line that parents have to walk between protecting their children and sheltering them too closely.

Part of the joy, for me at least, of the Scholastic book club program was the ability to pick my OWN books. On the whole, looking at the order form my son brought home, the books in the program are not generally what a parent might choose for their child. There are a few classics interspersed among the titles, but they’re really books that appeal to KIDS. So let you child choose their own book! And if, upon inspection, there is something you don't feel is appropriate, then talk about it with your individual kid. I don't think the entire collection of Bratz literature needs to be pulled. My son gets to pick his own books at the library, and even today got to "wish list" two books from the Scholastic book fair going on right now. He chose a book based on the Littlest Pet Shop toys, which is generally marketed toward girls. Scholastic’s own original defense for including Bratz dolls seems to encourage the focus on the child’s choices stating that their mission was to, “ “offer materials that appeal to children where they are, not where we would like them to be." “

Some of the most gruesome YA fiction I've ever read was ordered through the Scholastic book club. Should R.L. Stine's books not be included because they promote violence? What about Skippyjon Jones? He is ever so slightly, culturally insensitive. Does he need to go too? If the implications of the parents who wanted the books pulled are true, then everything read on a school campus is a direct reflection on the values of the school.

After reading about the Bratz dolls I remembered another Scholastic news story I'd heard about recently. The gorgeous Dana Loesh of Mamalogues posted about Scholastic's denial of homeschooler participation in a contest they were running along with Subway back in May. Essentially, Scholastic and Subway determined that the prizes for their contest would be better fitted to a state sponsored school because they could reach more children that way. They completely ignored the large homeschooling groups, who may purchase their products, and could benefit from the athletic equipment they were donating. Their later apology promised to include homeschoolers in future contests but they were still left out of the current one. So it's alright for Scholastic to pull an entire collection of books from it's clubs because of parental outrage, but it's not ok for parents dedicated to educating their children to participate in their contests?

This, to me, is a very slippery slope that Scholastic is walking on. They're censoring children and parents alike, when they're motto is ""... to provide quality, affordable books that meet the wide range of reading levels and interests of today's students and help every child develop a love of reading." How can children develop a true love of reading when the books THEY might choose to read aren’t available to them?
I will continue to participate, for now, in the Scholastic program at my child's school as a support to him. But I plan to order the most taboo books on the form next month, and to be conscious of their label when book shopping elsewhere.

FYI: This is about a month old, but I thought it deserved to be posted....

Ty's Got Milk

2008-10-22T07:53:00.018-05:00

Ty Pennington has most definitely been “Trading Spaces”. Instead of building fantastical homes, he’s the new spokesperson for Similac’s SimplePac . Quite frankly, the formula company’s choice strikes me as slightly odd. I am fully supportive of the men involved in raising children feeding them when able, but Ty Pennington has no children. Therefore, technically, he really isn’t the correct kind of “design expert” required for revamping a can of formula.

I find the tone of both the video and the print ads ( as seen in Parents Magazine) for this Similac SimplePac condescending. First we have a childless man surrounded by supposed mothers who cannot for the life of them function with a regular formula can! As far as I know it’s never been overly difficult to measure out formula. It is because he’s so good at opening a paint can that he has the knowledge necessary to understand an infant’s feeding schedule? The feminist in me balks at the entire notion. Mothers in the ads crowd around Ty as he explains the stay-put scoop, looking like groupies. We don’t, as women, need a Man to help us feed our children. In the same vain, a father doesn’t need a woman to tell him how to shake a bottle up. Ty’s placement in these spreads feels like another shot taken at the empowerment mothers, and parents in general, seek in their roles as caregivers.

Ty does actually have a degree in the design field, having gone to Kennesaw State University and spent numerous years working as a carpenter before his stints on Trading Spaces and Extreme Home Makeover. Still, that doesn’t give him the “street credit” to revolutionize formula feeding. In reading his Wikipedia bio, I found it much more interesting that his mother, a psychologist, worked so tirelessly to help her son through his struggles his ADHD. Rather than pulling the strong-man-carpenter charade in these new ads, I would rather him have taken the route of wanting to make something easier for moms since he was so much trouble for his own. That would have been genuine and relatable. Formula doesn’t need sex appeal.

The women playing the mothers in the advertisements are almost worse than Ty himself. I truly believe they make all mothers look stupid with their revelations over snapping lids and firm grips. Honestly, Similac, could you have made motherhood seem more mundane and ridiculous? Concurrently, the only bottles I thought of when seeing Ty in these pictures were the ones that landed him with a DUI in 2007. I know he apologized sincerely and paid his dues, but it just proves further that Similac did a poor job with these commercials.

Maybe his agent thought he needed an even more wholesome outlet after the reports of Extreme Home Makeover house foreclosures . He should have considered returning to Trading Spaces alongside Paige Davis; their ratings would go through the roof! Basically he seems to be a good guy appealing to the wrong fan base.

FYI:
There's a slighty edited version of this going up at Crabbygolightly today: www.crabbygolightly.com/tysgotmilk

And I'm post it over at opensalon.com right now as well! Come over and read, join if you want, and leave me some comments!

Hay, Graceful...

2008-10-18T16:02:00.008-05:00

I had an envelope come in the mail today from New Zealand. I knew what it was and was so excited I could hardly stand it. It's the picture that JustHay let me choose from her incredible Flickr photostream in honor of her 30th birthday. It's called "Ritual", and shows her baby's curls and towel bib around her neck.

It already means so much to me. She will hang next to Georgia O'Keefe's apples in my kitchen as soon as I find the perfect frame. Her curls remind me of Wednesday's, and it was Winston who wore so many bibs when he was a small little one. That's him in his newest sweater vest, one day into his 3rd ever haircut.

After I opened the envelope from Hay, Winston looked up at me and said, "Mommy, what does graceful mean?" So, Hay, this is for you. Happy Birthday!

4 dictionary results for: graceful
Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1)
grace·ful
–adjective
characterized by elegance or beauty of form, manner, movement, or speech; elegant: a graceful dancer; a graceful reply.
[Origin: 1375–1425; late ME; see grace, -ful] —Related forms
grace·ful·ly, adverb
grace·ful·ness, noun
—Synonyms limber, lithe, lissome.

(Edit: This isn't the answer I gave him. After thinking about it I told him graceful meant a person who moves or dances very beautifully without being clumsy or rough. He also knows what sustenance, ferocious, mysterious, and paleontologist mean! He keeps me on my toes....)

Madonna No Child

2008-10-17T11:04:00.013-05:00

In Madonna's first children's book, The English Roses , she tells the story of a beautiful girl named Binah, whose beauty makes her the envy of four girls in her class. The four young ladies proceed to speak badly of Binah and ignore her at school until a fairy godmother comes to them in a dream and shows them the hard life that Binah lives everyday. Now, in the revelation of yesterday's news of the Madonna-Ritchie split, I'd like for us all to replace Binah with Cynthia Rodriguez, and remember Madonna's own rosy message that we shouldn't assume that someone else's life is better than our own. Specifically when your own life, and the one you're considering, both involve marriages and children.

I am beyond riffled by Her Madge-esty’s choices for multiple reasons. Having never been a great fan, I’ve always respected her music and mastery at reinventing herself. This time, though, I think her reinvention has finally gotten the better of her. This is mostly because of the three small humans that currently call her Mama, or something like it, everyday. I wonder, as she assumes a new character once again, if her chameleon-like behavior has affected those kids the way it has her past relationships. Was her inability to simply be herself what lead to her past and present divorces? Her move from sexpot to intergalactic hippie after Lourdes was born was encouraging, and I thought maybe she'd finally gotten it. Children are usually very good at upending one's vanity. The fake British accent she donned after marrying Guy Ritchie and moving to London was contemptuous as best, but she seemed stable, if not overly strict, for her kids. Now that entire span of time comes across as just another page in her book, or maybe a documentary considering her recent endeavors!

When the news of Alex and Cynthia Rodriguez divorce came out, I was sure Cynthia was to blame. With the rumors of shopping sprees in Paris and affairs with Lenny Kravitz (chastity much, Lenny?), I confidently presumed that Madonna had been nothing more than a surreal spiritual guide to Alex as he went through a marital rough patch. Perez is reporting now that none of the former rumors about Cynthia are true, and that it's nearly fact that Madonna and ARod have been having an affair. He is also saying that Lourdes wants to spend more time with her Dad, Carlos Leon, in New York. Thinking of the other kids, I can't imagine Guy Ritchie just letting them move across the ocean to NY with no ramifications. It was my understanding as well that it was Guy's constant presence in their lives allowed baby David to call them his “forever family”. Considering what this could mean for that sweet boy heartbreaking. The former Mrs. Ritchie faces the loss of serious time with each of her children, on top of the destruction of two family unions.

Overall Madonna is really just too old for this current stunt. I'm not sure we care to see her newest metamorphosis if coming out of the cocoon means sloughing off responsibility for her children. But then again, maybe she has never known who she is at her core to begin with. It's a mystery. Maybe she could hire Sherlock Holmes to figure it out for her, I hear he's coming to theaters soon with the help of some Guy.

At least if she does end up in a tangled love affair with Alex Rodriguez she has some on the job training to fall back on. I mean, she did star in "A League of Their Own", and looking at pictures from her latest tour, I bet she could give excellent pointers on the protection of his nether regions during a game!

So there you have it! Crabby GoLightly and I co-authored a version of this same article up at Crabbygolightly.com (http://www.crabbygolightly.com/madge.html), please go read it too to get her feelings on this split as well! Also, I', posting this original at opensalon.com if you'd like to come nake comments over there: http://open.salon.com/content.php?cid=30401!

Boober Juice

2008-10-14T07:39:00.002-05:00

or "Bjoo Bjoo" as Wednesday says it. I could never get Winston to call it a name, but I wrote my most favorite thing yet all about it over at CrabbyGoLightly.com

There's some Angelina, some Jamie Lynn, and some ice-cream for everyone! Please go read it, I'm really proud of this one....

www.crabbygolightly.com/breasts.html

The two we've lost...

2008-10-13T07:47:00.002-05:00

Olive and Lucas. One this year, one last year. There aren't any words for how much they were loved. I love you babies...

Bushy CrabbyPatties

2008-10-11T21:38:00.007-05:00

I'm over at CrabbyGoLightly again this weekend if you're interested.

www.crabbygolightly.com/Bushed.html The permalink isn't working for me, but it's the top story at crabbygolightly.com Today (Sunday). If it doesn't work tomorrow, I'll post the actual piece.

Please add a small shout out to Molly Ivans while we're at it, ok? She was the original...

Sukkot Sanity

2008-10-11T06:35:00.002-05:00

Alright, my friends. Winston is out of school for 3 days again next week! I have no problem with him getting extra days away because of where he attends, but it makes him CRAZY! Somewhere inside his very intelligent brain he has convinced himself that it is MY fault that he doesn't have school on certain days.

So I've spent the last 2 days thinking up and planning things for the boys and I to do so that Winston won't turn into a screaming, hitting, uncooperative demon.

Today, we are going to attempt breakfast at Denny's, then the Farmers' Market (I do not like the Farmer's Market, b/c of the people who "attend" every Saturday, but I have to do SOMETHING). After that we have fresh movies from Blockbuster, apple butter to start in the crock pot, a back-of-the-door basketball goal, a tunnel, new library books.... It's going to be a long day...

I have today all planned out on a piece of paper somewhere, I should really find that. Paper found! My writing skills are on serious display this morning. Please forgive me for my poor grammar and unfinished sentences. So on top of all those other things, I have written down that we are playing dress up and dancing to the Halloween music on the TV, possibly going to Hobby Lobby, and painting with apples. Right now, none of this seems possible, but I'm trying to become cheerful and perky.

Sunday is looking like this: Breakfast picnic in the backyard, obtain the newspaper to read comics/look at the ads, ....Well CRAP. Apparently I can't remember anything this morning. Hold on, I'm going to get THE NOTEPAD... Barnes and Noble! That is what's next on the list. I need to get some books for my Mom's birthday anyway, so the boys can come and eat sugary crap and play with trains, etc. After that, please Lord, let there be naptime. Then whatever I can figure out that won't take away from things to do for THREE DAYS after that.

Ugh. It's not that I don't want to do all of these things with the boys. This is just what we used to do before Winston started school. But now that he's into a routine, he gets very defiant about not being in it. Here's hoping that I can make all of this work without killing myself.

Next week he doesn't have school because of a Teacher In-Service Day and Sukkot. I'd like to set up their little play tent and talk about what Sukkot means. I'd also like to take them to the pumpkin patch and on a 3 stop nature walk. Besides that we have Target, Pet Smart, Library, Half-Price Books, WalMart, Park, and very many other things planned for three days of schoolfree time.

That's seriously enough rambling. I'll come back and edit this when I'm awake....

Carried Away, Kisses, and Kitsch

2008-09-29T07:00:00.002-05:00

I watched the Sex and The City movie last night. I didn't realize how much I had missed those girls. Even Samantha's escapades were reasonably entertaining. Was it cheesy? Oh yes, but I love Carrie Bradshaw. I love her... And Charlotte and Miranda are tied for a close second. Favorite parts, let me see: New Year's. when Miranda kisses Brady instead of Steve, Charlotte crapping her pants, Carrie taking Big's glasses to read the love letters.... There were others, but those are the ones I still remember this morning.

Also, I finally heard "I Kissed A Girl" by Katie Perry on the radio yesterday and I sort of loved it. Her voice is so fun, and the song is very danceable but still raw enough to win over many different kinds of listeners. I think her album, along with A Fine Frenzy, and Joanna Newson, will be on my Christmas list for my brother (He's in college, and CD's are relatively cheap :)).

An enormous amount of vampire books were purchased yesterday at Barnes and Noble (No "s", Erica! hehe). Dead until Dark, Vampire Academy, Frostbite, Succubus Blues, Succubus on Top, and Outlander, which isn't about vampires, but was a book club choice for the club that lead me to all the other ones too! Whew, I have a lot of reading to do...

I made a wreath last night. I will try to link to the inspiration I used after I look it up in the magazine. I think it's in Micheal Mead's Halloween mag this year. It has ravens, pheasant eggs and feathers, Twilight colored feathers, and I'm going to add some braided black ribbon in a couple of places. It looks innocent until you realize that obviously the eggs on the wreath don't belong to the birds, hence the vampire colored feathers...Muhahahaha.....

A Shadow box is in the works next, with a Day of Dead inspired cover from last years Houston something.....(I'll figure this out later too!).

Winston needs a haircut; he is getting called a girl again. The good thing is that his face has changed enough that all it takes it for him to look at the person and they realize he's a boy. Seriously people, just because someone has long hair does not make them a girl, and vise versa...

I have to go make breakfast and change a dirty diaper now. Bye!

A Mom's Eye View (and exciting news!!)

2008-09-27T16:30:00.005-05:00

I am slightly addicted to the Celebrity Baby Blog. I first began reading there to find out what Elizabeth Hasselbeck would name her first child, but that is another story. If it weren’t for that strange inquest, my ear would never have been tuned to the name Sarah Palin. The pregnancy and birth of her 5th child, Trig, were both reported there and my original thoughts about Mrs. Palin are completely different now than they were then.

At the time I thought, “Wow, what an inspiring woman! To conceive another child with so many other responsibilities, and then return to them so completely, even with her son’s disability.” I didn’t know anything about Sarah Palin except what I read at the CBB and her general appearance. Her decisions then seemed to be those of a modern, working mom making good choices for her family.

Then John McCain nominated her for VP, and I realized she was a Republican. Almost immediately afterwards, it was speculated that her baby was really her daughter’s. That’s a lot of drama already, Mama! Next, was the announcement that her 17 year old daughter is pregnant. Up until this point, although she would have never had my vote, she still had my benefit of the doubt. Being a mother is challenging, and you can’t be with your children all the time.

Another confession of sorts is that I also frequent Perez Hilton’s website, where I had easy access to numerous pictures of Bristol Palin holding varying bottles of liquor with her scantily clad friends. The rumors, all over the internet, of Track Palin vandalizing school buses were pretty disgusting as well. Levi Johnston’s MySpace page being made public was the icing on my mommified-cake. My faith in her as a mother was all but lost at that point. Sarah Palin’s views on sexual education, evolution, and religion as a whole (link: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/08/29/sarah-palin-says-she-open_n_122519.html) didn’t improve my evaluation.

If I’m trying to look at Sarah Palin as just a mother, these things are more than enough for me to form a strong impression of her choices. How do the church going kids of an American governor have the time and space to participate in underage drinking, vandalize school property, and get pregnant? Where was Sarah Palin on the weekends when all of this was happening? The lack of communication and understanding required for a family to bring about that much drama is highly astounding in my book. Dedication to your job should never outweigh dedication to raising competent adults that can serve our country, in what ever manner, with kindness and wisdom.

I do feel badly that her children have been forced into the spotlight as they have, although the oldest two didn’t make it very difficult. I also understand, from my own teen years, that your parents cannot control you, or even know you completely the way they do when you’re small. But at the same time, I feel a mother who represents America has a responsibility to have done a better job. You can preach abstinence and promise rings all you’d like, but when your child is old enough to have sex, there needs to be something more. Maybe Mrs. Palin could talk with Bristol about the fact that Track was actually conceived before she was married? You can strive to raise strong boys, but when they act out violently, something has gone wrong. The sacrifices of so many other wars (link: http://www.asiaing.com/poems-by-wilfred-owen.html ) mean nothing when you leave to serve our country because you destroyed school property.

I would never doubt that Sarah Palin loves her children more than her own life. For the sake of her younger children I hope that she has done and continues to do the best she can. For this mom, however, it’s not good enough.

Exciting News! This piece has been posted over at Crabbygolightly.com! I'm writing over there whenever they need/want me to! I'm really looking forward to having some of my stuff up over there soon! Here's the link: http://www.crabbygolightly.com/sarahpalin.html

Bidness

2008-09-17T09:03:00.014-05:00

There are two parts of my IOU list I'd like to take care of this morn.

First, I won Emblita's contest! I am so excited! My husband and I have talked about visiting Iceland for years, so to receive a package from the beautiful Emblita is very special.

That means that I won 3Giraffes first contest, Emblita won their second, 3Giraffes won my second contest, and I won Emblita's third! Seattle, South Texas, and Iceland. Who would have thunk?

Alright, the other thing I put off telling you, as it is not at all deserved, is that Chris and Kim at 3Giraffes gave me an award. It 's the Arte Y Pico award, and I was speechless then and still am now. Thank you again. I think I am supposed to pass it along, if I've read the rules right. SO here are the rules:

1) Choose 5 blogs that you consider deserving of this award based on creativity, design, interesting material, and overall contribution to the blogger community, regardless of language.

2) Post the name of the author and a link to his or her blog, so everyone can view it.

3) Each award-winner has to show the award and put the name and link to the blog that has given the award.

4) The award-winner and presenter should post a link to the "Arte Y Pico" blog, so everyone will know the origin of this award.

5) Please post these rules.

(These are the rules as listed on 3Giraffes)

Since it has taken me so long to post this, I've pretty much gathered my list. Firstly, though, I would give it back to 3Giraffes a million times over. I love those ladies, and they are fabulous.

1. JustHay at Where Karma.....Meets Camera

2. Whimsy at The Creamery

3. Elaine at Wannabe Hippie

4. Glenna at Knitting to Stay Sane

5. Jenn at Breed'em and Weep

So there you have it! All of those ladies are wonderfully clever and creative and inspiring. Go see!

How Dooney?

2008-09-14T07:38:00.002-05:00

That's how Wednesday says is anyway. My Mom likes to tell a story about sitting in the van with Winston as The Mr. and I were coming out of the hospital with a new baby Wednesday. It took longer than we thought to get a wheelchair and get me down the elevator, and at one point, Winston called out to my Mom and said , "MaMaw! DOING?". As in what the heck is taking so long?

Anyway, I has been dooneying some fun stuff here lately and I thought I should share. One day I'll write another real post, but those always seem to be a tad depressing.

Last night I finally watched the first episode of True Blood. I actually rented it even though we have HBO! I'm going to try to sneak out of the back of the house tonight to watch the second episode without waking up the boys. It was SO GOOD. I forgot it wasn't a movie and was startled when it ended. Anna Paquin was gorgeous and very fitted to the part. The entire cast, I thought, looked as thought they belonged there. I haven't read the books on which this show is based, but I'd love to now.

I'm making a bookmark for my 20th Century reading group. It's for a swap and it's my first lace pattern. It seems sooo easy until you try to purl a yarnover or something and then I have to do deep breathing exercises!! Anyway, I hope my swap partner likes it when it's done. It feels good to push myself with these knitting projects and make my mind and hands work hard.

Speaking of knitting projects I don't think Ive told you about the bigger ones I've been planning. Another group I frequent on ravelry is planning to put together a book of Twilight (Stephenie Meyer) related knits. So I decided to put together some ideas to submit. I'm sure they won't make it to the final cut if the book comes into fruition, but designing these pieces has been so bolstering to my little creative self. The first piece will be a capelet based on the colors of Leah Clearwater ( don't want to give anything away to any newborns!). The second, if I have time, will be a scarf inspired by Sue Clearwater. I think she is such a strong character and holds up so many things in the background of Meyers books. I'll post pictures here when I get a little more more work done. I've sketched both designs and am swatching now.

What else? Oh! I'm supposed to be reading The Name of the Rose and Harry Potter, but I got pulled into a YA vampire series I first read in like 6th grade. The Vampire Diaries have been enormously entertaining to re-read so much later in life and I'm almost done. Anyone looking for a good vampire fix post Breaking Dawn, or in general might want to check them out!

I think that's all of the main things. Watching reruns of Sex and the City and sewing buttons and pockets has also been rewarding. We started behavior charts with Winston. So far they are about 40% successful. Sigh... HAPPY THOUGHTS!!

I have more to write about but the 3 year old refuses to leave me alone so I'll be back later. Thanks for your patience....

I'm Sorry

2008-09-14T07:31:00.002-05:00

I should not have left that last post up as long as I did. We are all fine down here in South Texas. We didn't get any bad weather off of Ike. He turned 2 days after my post and started to head north.

The pictures from the devestation in Galveston, Houston, and even parts of Louisiana are heart-breaking. I am angry at all the people in and around Galveston who decided to stay instead of leave for safety.

Mostly I just want everyone to be ok. I'm praying for power and patience for the people who were affected and their families.

I'm going to close this post now and open another one to talk about happier things. Thank you to everyone who sent kind thoughts this way...

Hurry Cain

2008-09-08T21:21:00.002-05:00

There's another one coming and I am so scared. I know that we can leave in plenty of time, but this hurricane season has been so very stressful.

To suddenly have to pack up everything important and carry it off; it makes me cry. Winston was a baby when Katrina hit, and seeing all those babies suffering on Tv was unbearable. My parents were affected my Katrina too, they live in La as well, but not in a directly personal way.

When Rita came soon after they evacuated our town and we didn't leave. We barely even got any rain, and leaving would have been silly.

Gustav stranded my parents here and left them without power for close to a week, and there are people just down the road that won't have power for a month.

Ike is headed toward Texas/Mexico and I just want him to disappear. It is hard for me to pray for it to go somewhere else. I don't want anyone injured or suffering. But I don't want to lose my home or somehow hurt my kids by them having to go through a hurricane.

I'm going to the grocery store tomorrow. I have to bring snack for Winston's class on Thursday, but I also need to restock the pantry with canned food; just in case. I told him when we went for a walk that there was a chance we might have to leave this weekend. He turned around and buried his face in my tummy. "It's not coming right now is it?" No baby, not for a long while, but I just wanted you to know. "But right now the sidewalk is regular, and the cars are regular, and the trees are regular" Yes baby, everything is regular right now. I love you. "I love you too, Mama."

And we walked around the block together. He got a piggyback ride and I carried him part of the way. My huge boy that is my heart.

Safe, God. Please. A small storm? Anne Lamott's prayer always helps me: Please, please, please. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

IOU

2008-09-02T08:52:00.002-05:00

Oh my how I miss this blog...

My parents, who live in Louisiana, were stranded here over the weekend. They planned to leave yesterday, but are staying until tomorrow. So my blogging and knitting and general creating time is basically zippo. That is perfectly fine, I want my family to be safe. But I miss my outlets. I had the sudden urge to Perform, something I never liked doing, on the way home from taking Winston to school. It's that much of a need today.

SO I'm here to tell you about the things I need to write about once I have a little more time and space:

Awards...so very exciting...

Contests...international! Oh My!

Knitting...designing and Twilight, mmm.

Hurricanes...it's almost over, but I have things to say.

Halloween...I know it's early but I can't help it!!

Five topics, hopefully a new post everyday after tomorrow. Maybe I can even get started tomorrow night after the boys are asleep. I keep meaning to use that time for my creative things, but I'm so sleepy I can't hold my eyes open!

I also have pictures to upload and baked goods to make. The neighbor shared some chocolate cake with us yesterday, and I do love a sanctioned reason to make cookies/cake!!

I think that's all for right now, I've got other things I HAVE to do (like bathe!!), and I'm getting so excited that I have to stop.

Love you guys and I'll be back soon soon to write write write!

Mother, Mother

2008-08-24T08:35:00.002-05:00

I am turning into my Mother. The speed at which was pretty alarming last week. The tiny pieces of her I try to shove off all collected, and I suddenly realized that most of them are not that bad.

The overwhelming urge to put on a robe over my pajamas one day last week didn't feel like a conscious decision, it's just what you do in the morning! Never mind the only time I wear a robe is when I'm sick or freezing to death. So I wore my silky, garage sale, kimono robe while I made breakfast, and I felt more like an adult that I had in ages.

GrapeNuts Pudding. It seems very innocent, right? I wanted to make it 2 nights ago. The making, though, had to be spontaneous, for whatever reason, or it didn't count. So although I had purposefully bought any ingredients I was missing at the store, I didn't make it until the timing felt right. I thought I was making it because it was yummy, and fun for the boys. Not so, I tell you! The real reason came to me mid-stir.

I made GrapeNuts pudding because when I was little, at random but important times, my Mom made vanilla pudding from scratch. A reminder that we were together as a family, and that the other stuff wasn't important. Winston starts pre-school on Monday; The Mr. starts his first year as a tenure track professor. These are important times, and my mind took over instinctually.

We can take this even further though. I don't make the vanilla pudding my mother did because, although it was yummy, is isn't yummy enough to replicate through this parenting cycle I'm in. GrapeNuts pudding is a Paula Deen recipe. That is the surface reason it's been chosen on so many occasions. But underneath is the memory of sitting at my Grandmother's counter eating sweetened GrapeNuts for breakfast. Breakfast at Grandmother's house is a whole post itself, but the secret here is that sometimes, I would heat my grapenuts in the microwave and make them warm and yummy. I'll let you guess what Paula Deen's pudding tastes likes.

When I speak to my boys, sometimes I have to clear my throat and try again. The voice that comes out doesn't belong to me. It's not scary anymore, just a strange comfort I never expected. My mom and I wear the same shoes. They are different colors, of course, but still the same.

In all the outwardly physical ways I look like my father's family. My hair and my eyes are the same as my Mom's though. These other things, whether learned or inherited, are a connection to her I never thought I'd have.

Thanks Mom. I'm NOT wearing fuzzy slippers though, you can't make me!

Making Martha Proud

2008-08-15T09:58:00.010-05:00

or pissed, depending. My oldest child has developed the MUSTSCREAMALLTHETIME disorder. So I thought a post of the things that I love right now would help put something more positive into the universe besides "Oh My Lord Will You Please Shut Your Mouth!".

Here goes:

I love that the lovely Jewel Kilcher finally married her rodeo boyfriend Ty Murray. I've always loved her.
I am very much enjoying Rebecca. It is so very well written that I can only read it in short spurts. I have until Sept. 15 to finish and I should make it.
Looking forward to the trip we are planning for the month of December. I'll talk more about it when it gets closer, but we are taking our kids to some of our most favorite places. Lots of daydreaming...
The anticipation of finishing a scarf for Winston and a wash rag for Wednesday so I can start Chris's hat! And HHB's friend's scarf (Hairy Hippy Brother, jsyk)! So exciting to make actual useful objects!
Pumpkin Pie Spice creamer for my coffee. I justify the absurd nature of Halloween related objects in August by remembering that I actually grow pumpkins. Very logical, right?
That when a 6 year old at the grocery store said he was "Bigger" than Winston I pointed out that he was "older". Then Winston got out of the cart to show him. He was only about 2 inches shorter than the other kid and out weighed him by 10 lbs. Ha! Yes, he will be taller than me in first grade and I'll be proud then too!
Wednesday now says, "Say sorry!" to Winston when he starts hollering "No No NaNONONO!" at him. It's usually convincing enough to stop his big brother for at least a second.
Twitter. nuf said.
These songs: Better, Saints, and the "Crazy Mama Song"

Y'all have a great weekend. Winston starts preschool on the 25th and I'll have time to write more focused entries then!

I cake is peace!

2008-08-12T10:48:00.008-05:00

Pre-Oven yummy....

Pre-frosting Yummy...

Frosting.... Yummmmyyy.....

All Done Yummy.....

I made this for my 3 year old's last day of camp. He had already given teacher gifts at the end of the first session he attended, but I wanted to do something. He finished camp, and will start preschool, at the Jewish Community Center here in town. His class and teachers ate this for dessert after lunch on the last day.

The recipe for the starlight cake and penuche frosting are from the Betty Crocker cookbook. My mom has a pretty old copy and I have a re-issue of the original edition. The recipes are in both, but slightly different. My brother and I altered the recipe into it's current form when we were little. If my parents left us at home for a date night, we usually baked something together. It was so fun, even when we messed up. There was a serious cookie incident that involved some of the most disgusting cookies I've ever seen or eaten! We decided, when making this cake for my Mom's birthday one year, that we should add cinnamon apples. It really makes the cake so much more moist and delicious. Mama convinced us to use canned apple pie filing once when we made this for a party and it was awful. You really should just cook about 3 regular apples down on the stove yourself. Just add a little water, sugar, cinnamon, and lemon juice.

Now, this is the cake I make for my parents, brother, and immediate family when I'm close enough during a birthday celebration. If my brother is present, we go back into old roles and make it together like we have so many times. This is (enter my real name here)'s Cake. Which means the world to me. I want to insert it more into my families traditions, so that my boys think of it that way too.

Maybe now it can be an end of the school year cake. I need, however, to figure out how to make sure it's Kosher so everyone can enjoy it!

Weird Science

2008-08-06T19:38:00.003-05:00

So most of the time when I cook it's pretty normal stuff. Mexican style, Italian flavors, general American, just regular food. I don't have recipes, but my family has a rotation of meals that works for us.

But last night I got a bug in my butt or something. I made the weirdest casserole I've ever concocted and it was SO YUMMY!

SO here's something like a recipe for anyone who cares or would like to gawk at my weirdness:

Brown 1.25 lbs of extra-lean ground beef. Add black pepper, dried onions, chili powder, tablespoon of grainy mustard and same of worstershistershire sauce as it cooks.

While that's cooking, chop one large clove of garlic and throw it into some olive oil. When it's smelling so very good add one box of thawed frozen chopped spinach. Let it cook for a while, add dried parsley and oregano, then one small can of tomato sauce (ours was so salt added).

Drain 2 cans of hominy. I had one can of yellow and one white.

Open package of cream gravy mix and follow directions for the package, except cook it into the ground meat.

Once that is done poor the meat mixture into bottom of a 9X13 (see? fancy! Ha!) casserole dish. Then evenly spread and plop (mmm) the spinach on top of that. Next, Sprinkled the 2 cans of drained hominy over the top.

Now, I had a bag of unopened catfish fry in my cabinet, but seasoned cornmeal or breadcrumbs would work just as well. I sprinkled small handfuls of that mixture on top of the whole dish until it look covered enough. It's all VERY technical around here...

Lastly, I shredded a whole bunch of cheddar cheese over the top. Oh, and my oven was preheated to 375.

After I put the casserole in I decided bumping the oven up to 400 would make the cheese crust-up more evenly, so that's what I did. It cooked for maybe half an hour and was ready. I let it sit on the counter around 5 minutes so it would stay together when I cut into it.

This reminded me a lot of a Mexican casserole my Grandmother makes, but with completely different ingredients!

It's strange and yummy. The End.

Maggie

2008-08-06T09:00:00.000-05:00

We found out a few weeks ago that my husband's first girlfriend passed away. It was not a quiet gentle passing, and although I cried, The Mr. didn't. He said he knew it would happen as it did sooner or later. Her name was Margaret, and I loved her.

I'd never met her before, but it would be hard for me not to love someone who I know truly loved my husband for a short span of his life. Love goes backwards in my heart, I love him for all the time I hadn't found him as much as I love him now.

She was an artist, and we have quite a few of her pieces. The one above is my favorite. A woodcut of my husband done when they were about 19. It hangs above his dresser in our bedroom, another treasure.

I've always felt I needed to thank her and I never got the chance. They had spoken a few times since we were married and I'm sure the impression was there, but not solidly.

...

Thank you Margaret, for loving him and seeing him. I think we are the only two in the world. A small club, but you are an honored member. We won't forget you...

Jacob Have I Loved

2008-08-05T09:46:00.003-05:00

Dear Stephenie Meyer,

You have a gift. The only people I worry about more than Jacob Black are my immediate family members. I purposefully didn't read Breaking Dawn last night so that I might get some sleep. Even so, I woke up at 4:15 dreadfully worried about what would happen to Jacob! I forced myself back into the bed without reading, knowing that if I'd picked up that book I wouldn't have slept another wink.

My mornings are pretty full: breakfast, a lunch, a backpack, 2 kids, a husband, myself, and a number of cats to get ready for the day. But when I'm reading one of your books I CAN'T sleep at night.

I realize Jacob is a fictional werewolf, and that ultimately I think Bella belongs with Edward. But my unconscious has forced me to switch teams somewhere between Eclipse and Breaking Dawn. I am now firmly planted in "Team Jacob". It would help if my own husband weren't so tall and dark, and if I didn't have Native American blood in my own family. I've always been a vampire person, but this werewolf has changed everything.

Jacob has replaced Luis. That's kind of major! A teenage werewolf has replaced Brad Pitt as melancholy vampire.

I feel like a silly girl. And yet I'm perfectly happy squealing to my husband, who hasn't read the new book yet, about all the things I can't tell him. I'm very glad these books appeared now, and not when I was in junior high. I would have been a serious "Twi-hard" and hung posters and bought all of the music. Oh my...

To end let me just say thanks for giving this chubby mommy a taste of the giggles and sqees again. It's fun, but I need to sleep!

Sincerely,
MzEll

P.S. I apologize to anyone who has not read the Twilight books (but go get them, please! group insomina!).

P.P.S I do not like the actor chosen to play Jacob in the Twilight movie. He is neither tall nor Native American, so I have no picture to post!

Tell me

2008-08-04T19:28:00.002-05:00

I have all of these post ideas drafted on here but I'm not sure I want to write about them anymore. Does anyone have any suggestions or ideas?

I've got weight loss/self image stuff

I've got singing

I've got husband/art/self history

See? Boring... Any thoughts? I'm thinking...

I have decided that Jennifer Mattern at breedemandweep is like my personal Tori Amos. I don't always understand everything she writes about, but it is all so thoughtful and clever and beautiful that I have to keep reading.

Almost forgot...

2008-08-01T23:11:00.004-05:00

Contest is closed loves. Let me go pick a winner....

Holy Guacamole! Random.org just pick #1, which is the fabulous CP of 3Giraffes. She's gonna flip! AHHHH! So there you go, CP wins. I'm going to email her right now so she can pick her prize!

Random Integer Generator

Here are your random numbers:

1 Timestamp: 2008-08-02 04:15:30 UTC

There, just so we know it really picked #1!   HAHAHAHA!

Hello

2008-08-01T06:00:00.002-05:00

Today is my birthday....

I'm going to the spa...

Woah Dude...

Anyway, my Etsy contest ends tonight if anyone still wants to enter. Just scroll down a couple of posts to leave a comment about what your favorite piece of art might be.

I have presents for you guys!!! Sort of...

I joined the "Knitting 20th Century Novels" group through ravelry, and the moderator (Glenna, who is a fabulous knitter and writer!) is letting me post the reading list here too! So if any of you want to read along with us you can. They have already put together a reading schedule that we can use. It's a great list, and if you want to use the books as inspiration to do something crafty that would be even more fun! I can post links to the discussions here and if you do something crafty I can post pictures here, or I can ask Glenna if we can start a flickr group. Oh my, I'm so excited! I've not read a single book on this list!

The Books and Schedule:

Rebecca, by Daphne DuMaurier (August 1-Sept. 15)

The Name of the Rose, by Umberto Eco (Sept 15-Oct 31)

Catch-22, by Joseph Heller (Nov 1-Dec 15)

The Flame Trees of Thika, by Elspeth Huxley (Dec 15-Jan 31)

Cryptonomicon, by Neal Stephenson (Feb 1-March 15)

The Wicked Pavilion, by Dawn Powell (March 15-Apr 30)

Midnight's Children, by Salman Rushdie (May 1-June 15)

The True History of the Kelly Gang, by Peter Carey (June 15-July 31)

Lolita, by Viktor Nabokov (Aug 1-Sept 15, 2009)

Also, I just found the Book Inscriptions Project through The Sheila Variations blog. I think this would be something fun for us to do as well! I have already thought of a couple of books that have inscriptions I could add, and it would give me an excuse to go the the antique stores down the street. SCORE! (I'll have to do a post about my vintage/antique book collection.)

"So that's what I got, don't start a riot, you'll feel it when the band gets hot" Sublime...

Couldn't help it! Have fabulous days...

My Chair

2008-07-27T13:05:00.004-05:00

"Bring your chair. Put it there. (My Chair, by Betsy James)"

I love my chair. It's Kelly green, with a rounded back, and soft buttons. It's short, for a rocking chair, but perfect for my 5 foot body. I've rocked at least one of my babies there every night since Winston came home from the hospital.

"My chair works because I bend in the middle. My chair holds me up in the air."

Actually though, this chair was not originally mine. It was left here by the elderly woman that sold us her house. Our home was built in 1954, but we are only the second owners. After her husband died, the sweet lady who lived here decided to move to Louisiana to be with her kids.

She left behind so many wonderful things that have become our treasures. My favorite frying pan, a 1970s record player, handmade furniture that her husband built. But the thing that means the most to me is this chair.

"My chair smells good... ...because it used to be a tree."

I thought for a long time about writing to her and telling her about the babies that were rocked here. That this chair is how I know I'm home when we've been gone for a long trip. I do my best writing, praying, thinking, reading, knitting in this green seat.

"My chair is a fort, a forest, a tower, a truck, a gate, a cage, an ocean..."

The chair is part of my nook. A corner in my bedroom that is my space. I let the boys sit in the chair every now and then, but this spot belongs to me. The curtains behind me were made for my husband my the mother of a foster child he was counseling. Black with bright green, pink, red, and gold flowers, they shine with the sunlight behind them and mesmerised my babies when they were little. To my left is a painting by a New Orleans artist called "Bread of Heaven"; a picture of a parent holding a small baby bundled in a white blanket. And if I look in the mirror across from me over my dresser I see "The Lovers" by Magritte and the two belly casts my husband helped created when I was very pregnant with our children.

How could she have known? That sweet woman. The home that she created has become our home. There is a quote from one of Vicki Iovine's books about the house where you bring your children home being your Bethlehem. That is how I feel.

"Who does not use chairs? Birds, fish, skunks, pigs, weasels- everbody but us."

She told the lady down the street that she was ok with us having her house because she just knew we were good people. I didn't change a thing inside for a long time because I wanted so much to honor what she and her family made. Now when I see the things she left for us I know they will come when we have to go too. This house, when we are threw here, will only go to someone who she would be proud to have it.

"When the world is too big, my chair is just right. ... My chair is for me. My chair is here. My chair is home."

Wednesday Speak

2008-07-27T08:51:00.003-05:00

The third day it all began to make sense. With his big brother, who started talking in complete sentences before he was a year old, gone to camp, talking suddenly became an option. After naming everyone else in the family he pointed to himself and said his name, with s serious cajun accent.

It has snow-balled from there. He talks all the time. His favorite consonant seems to be "p", while his vowl of choice is "ee".

Here is a short list, so my "foggeh" Mama brain can remember all of this linguistic love forever:

Cup= Pup

Tummy= Pummy

Rooster= Doot Da Dooda Dooda

Donkey= Eeh Aww, Eeh Aww

Pickle (the kitten)= Peepoo

Goldie (kitten)= Dodie

Excuse Me= Ettoo Muh Hulee>> "Excuse Me, Huxley"

Cracker= Kakee

Cookie= Tootie

Medicine= Meemee

Jelly Bean= Bean Bean

Candy= Tandy

Sausage= SawSaw!

Toothbrush= Joob Juh

Clip= Pleep

Butterfly= Flufffly

Diego= Dohdohdohdoh!

Puzzle= Puddy

Good Job!= Job Job!

I'm sure there are more that I just can't remember right now, but that's a pretty good sample. He is the sweetest, most patient boy. When he falls down he checks on everyone else to make sure THEY are ok, and he loves to hold his brother lunchbox when we pick him up from camp.

When my boys hug each other in the morning Winston bends down and put his arms around his baby brother's tummy. And that little brother says, "Oh Oh!" and grabs his big brother's face so he can "Tiss" him. Sometimes they sit together on the couch and Wednesday asks Winston questions about what things are, whether they're hot, who people are. When they talk together like that all of the worry and pressure about having them so close together disappears for a few minutes. I know they were meant to be brothers, and that they can let each other shine.

Etsy, to the third power

2008-07-24T23:02:00.014-05:00

It's contest time again here at Cookiemonks! As you know I got my gorgeous gifties from 3giraffes last week and I'm ready to start something new!

The rules are the same as the last time we did this. Leave a comment, if you win you have your own PIF, etc. My birthday, August 1st, will be the end date for this contest. How fun to choose a winner on my Bday! Yay! Let's say bedtime (10 pm) for a closing time. So I decided my prizes would come from Etsy this time. I love that place and have found so many neat things there. Each prize package has a story to go with it. When a winner is chosen then can let Winston pull one of the prizes out of a hat, or they can tell me which one they want. Here we go!

1:Frida: I love Frida Khalo. It was not an immediate love. The only thing I originally new about her was that Madonna owned one of her paintings, which was a definite turn off. But as the buzz for the Salma Hayek movie by her name wore on, I became very intrigued. I watched the movie and fell in love. I bought art book after art book and read her biography. Then, to seal the deal, I saw an exhibit in San Diego of only photographs of her and her loved ones. I was crying by the end, so moved by her strength and her beauty. It was so obvious that she was broken, and that made her even more glorious. She is one of the main reasons I love Halloween like I do. So the Frida prize package includes these things below.

This beautiful card by catboxartstudio entitled Mourning Me.

It's comes with a matching envelope and is blank inside.

Another card by the same artist called Frida and the Hummingbird

This one is also blank and comes with it's own envelope.

And this set of four thanks you notes with a gorgeous portrait of Frida by PressaRussa.

These are so pretty. When I saw them I knew they had to be part of this prize.

2. Chain Maille: When I was in High School we went to a choir competition at Universal Studios in Orlando, Florida. It rained for most of the time we were there, so it wasn't greatest trip. One day, while my friends and I were trying to stay dry, we happened upon a little shop that made chain maille accessories. I had never seen anything like it! It spoke to my Arthurian Legend loving heart like nothing had before and I new I had to have some. As my hair was long enough to be considered epic at the time, the guys working there let me try on a head piece that went down my back and was made of sterling silver and Swarovski crystals. It was like I became a princess! I still wear the earrings I bought all the time, and people are always shocked that they came from Universal Studios. So our second gift package will include the following:

This gorgeous bracelet called the Byzantine Chainmaille Bracelet with Olivine Glass by lunaarcana. We need a Lancelot to wear that thing, right?

And these amazing earrings by blackbirdmaille called Punk Chain Maille Earrings. I adore these, and they're purple like mine!

3. Cats: I'm in denial about my cat collection but am here to admit today that I have an unnatural obsession with nifty cat inspired things. Books, Decoration, actual cats... But it's a fun prize package. Let's see...

This is a really cute, folksy belt buckle from leatherarts (I can choose something else if leather offends anyone). It's based on the artwork of a Kuna Indian woman from Panama. It's called the Flying Mola Cat leather handpainted belt buckle.

And last but not least, to go with the belt buckle we have this Oh So Savvy headband. I love these kinds of headbands, and the cats on this one make me think of the cats from Lady and the Tramp. Beckababe made this one; the Turquoise Blue and Chocolate Brown Cool Lounge Cats Headband.

So there you have it folks. The second contest. For a comment question, how about... What is your favorite piece of art, either official or homemade?

I hope you enjoy this one, I can't wait to choose a winner!

Sissy

2008-07-23T13:41:00.004-05:00

It's what my brother called me when we were little, and what he has started to call me again now that we are mostly all grown up.

I love my brother, and always have. Except for the couple of years where I hated him and beat the crap out of him more than he deserved. But we got through it and have a darn good relationship.

Now that I have my own boys, I love my brother more than I ever have. Something changed, especially after my second son was born with so many features and mannerisms that remind me of my brother. He came for a visit in May and I couldn't keep any one's name straight. I finally understood why my Grandmother calls everyone by the wrong name when we're all together. There are so many people that you love so completely in the same room that your heart and your mouth can't keep up with each other. To have my husband, my babies, and my brother all in the house together was enough to make my heart skip, literally.

So recently my brother made a decision to take the summer off from college and just work and be a person. I supported him and helped him talk to my parents and it's all been pretty good. He'd do the same for me if I asked him to. But then he decided to take a trip. A trip I feel is rather selfish and with people that I don't believe love my brother the way he should be loved. And I was so torn. As a Mom I wanted to tear him a new butt. But as a sister, I want him to live this life he's been given and figure things out on his own instead of letting my parents make too many of his decisions.

So I sent him an email, it's the only way we keep up with each other consistently, and told him what I really thought in the nicest most constructive way possible. I cried for 2 days. I woke up in the middle of the night just sick about what I had said. I had been too much of a Mom and not enough Sister. So I sent him more messages, apologizing and trying to explain how I felt now that I have the boys. It took him a long time to get back to me and I thought I had really messed things up.

But then, he wrote me back. He said he respects my opinion more than anyone else. I don't know why he does, but it made me see who he is even more clearly. He said I've taught him so much about life and that he is so grateful I'm his sister. That I have tried to do; to tell him that life can be what you make of it and isn't a never ending path that someone else has laid for you. I've tried to let him know whenever I can how grateful I am for him in my life and the life of my kids.

It's all ok now. But I didn't know that there would be such a change in how I feel about him after becoming a mother. I want him to be the biggest dreamer and keep him absolutely safe at the same time. It helps me remember every day the kind of kids I want my boys to grow up to be.

Shall we name this brother for my little blog? .... How about HHB, hairy hippy brother. It's pretty fitting. He is one of the greatest people I have ever known. He is loving and funny and sensitive and calm.

Being a mother has changed every relationship I have, almost always for the better. This one just snuck up on me, and I still need to learn how to channel what I know now into being a better support for my brother.

If you click the question mark at the top it will take you to the picture I tried to add. I can't take it off now, If anyone knows how let me know!

So

2008-07-22T03:38:00.002-05:00

I think I have everything chosen for my next contest. I'm going to plan on having it posted by Friday unless something happens. We have big weather headed our way, but we're not supposed to get more than lots of rain.

Also, I'm finding it very difficult to be a sister and a mom at the same time these days. Such is life...

I'm going back to bed. Sleep well.

Bebellyboo's Book Meme

2008-07-20T20:31:00.002-05:00

http://www.flickr.com/photos/cookiemonks/2651145275/

So the best I can get my 2 computers to do is a link to the mosaic I created for Bebellyboo's meme. But let's talk about them like we can see them anyway,ok? The purpose of this meme was to type in the names of your favorite books and authors and choose the photos you liked best.

1. Jane Eyre: This is one of those books that I hug. I read it in high school and have seen every movie multiple times. I love Jane.

2. American Gods: Neil Gaiman: This is a great illustration. If you haven't read this book I think everyone should. So much mythology and religion and great writing all together.

3. The Red Tent: I read this while I was pregnant with Winston and in was very empowering. A retelling of biblical stories from Dinah's perspective. Fabulous book.

4. Brave New World: Aldous Huxley: Another one I read in high school that changed everything. You must read this book if you haven't, I think we have 3 copies in the house.

5. The House of the Spirits: Isabel Allende: I love Isabel Allende period, but this is the first book I read by her and it is so sweeping and magical. It pulls you into another beautiful world.

6. Waiting for Birdy: Catherine Newman: I love love LOVE Catherine. If there was such a thing as a writer crush, she would be mine. I read this while I was waiting for Wednesday. It was the best book I read in preparation for having two kids.

7. Tenderhooks: Beth Ann Fennelly: She is a fantastic poet. There is one poem in this collection about nursing that makes me think of Wednesday when he was so tiny. This is the second book I've by her. I read Great With Child first, which is also so beautiful.

8. Anne Lamott: I've read everything she's published. I love her. I love her aunties. They make me feel better every time we go to the beach.

9. Olivia: Ian Falconer: I read these books before I had children and loved them, but my boys think they're hilarious as well. Olivia and the Missing Toy is their favorite.

10. Eloise: I never read Eloise as a child. Sad times. The boys and I watched the movies first and then I bought a big collection of the stories from Half Price Books. She is a funniest little girl I have ever read about. The way she speaks is spot on for laughs, especially for Winston.

11. Bitten: Kelley Armstrong: These books are on the light side, but I love them. Werewolves, vampires, demons, witches. They are so addictive. My bookshelf looks just like the one in the picture with my books are crazy.

12. Queen of the Damned: Best Anne Rice book. I love this book still and Stewart Townsend was a much better Lestat in the movie. I love Jesse and the wall with all the family in it.

This was such a fun idea and I'm so glad I did it. There are other books I could add but this is a pretty fair representation of my reading history and preferences. Happy reading everyone. I still have The Host and Suzanne Finnamore's newest book in my to-read pile.

P.S. I added links! Woohoo!

A package FOR ME!!

2008-07-19T22:23:00.005-05:00

So my husband opened the front door to go start the sprinkler on the honeysuckle and there was a package! For Me! I squealed before I even got it open. I started with scissors but that was too slow so I just ripped in to it. Woo it was worth all the squealing, let me tell you!!

First there was the sweetest card. With tall people on it. The same tall people that are on a card I gave my husband when we were dating. I don't know how you did that, Chris, but I am seriously impressed!

For the boys there are Magic Grow Capsules, which will be so much fun to play with on Sunday morning. Also a cd called Steve Songs. It looks great. One of my son's favorite songs is sung by Steve Burns from Blue's Clues. He calls it the "Steve Song", so he is STOKED.

For the Mommy there is the most gorgeous knitting book, Knitting Little Luxuries. I have already read the introduction about how she used the buttons and things from her grandmother's sewing box to decorate the projects in the books. So precious, I just can't wait to get started on SOMETHING. I think a hat!

Then there is the funniest magnet. It's a mood magnet with vintage photographs. See that Indifferent lady with the glasses? She's my favorite, makes me laugh and laugh.

So it was a great package of fabulous surprises and I'm so so Happy! Thank you so much Chris and the 3giraffes beauties! Y'all have fun tonight and tomorrow!

I'm Back! (mostly, anyway)

2008-07-15T17:17:00.002-05:00

So I'm on the way to feeling human again. I'm tired of talking about that. So I won't.

We got home from our short trip on Saturday. Friday we went to the Natural Science Museum and saw 2 really great exhibits. The first was a Butterfly sanctuary kind of thing with a bug "zoo" along with it. The boys really loved looking at all of the different bugs. They had cave cockroaches (not icky), hissing cockroaches (very very icky), millipedes, centipedes, tarantulas, etc. There was also an entire wall of butterflies in various stages of coming out of their chrysalises. We saw one with only it's head out, a gorgeous monarch walking around for the first time, and a black and white butterfly whose wings hadn't dried yet. That was really amazing to see.

Then we went out to the actually sanctuary part. There were so many different kinds of butterflies! They kept flying right in front of me where I'd have to step back. I kept saying "woo!". So intelligent, right? Anyway. Winston saw about 5 HUGE butterflies eating at a little nectar station they had set up and Wednesday pointed out a black and red butterfly to me. They really enjoy it. And we got to stand under a waterfall (we didn't get wet) at the end of it!

After a short rest we saw DINOSAURS!!! And Winston was seriously impressed. They had skeletons and recreations and fossils. I don't think I had ever been to a dinosaur museum, and if I had it hadn't been since I was a child. It was very humbling to see a dinosaur I had always thought was the size of like an extra -super -big sea turtle that is actually the size of 12 bears! Wednesday was so funny. He kept saying, "So High!" and he'd throw his head back and look at the tall dinosaurs. He finally let me put him down toward the end of the visit and went and watched the chemistry video they had playing about 6 times while he climbed on the seats. Winston went through a whole kid-centered Earth science section of the museum with my mom who is an Earth Science teacher. They had a great time, and Isaac new his planets (Thanks Blue's Clues) and my Mom was so surprised and happy.

The Next day before we came home we went to the Children's Museum. Crazy! A Cacophony of kids and Mommies and workers and oh my. It was fun. We went to Mexico, we saw a giant man made out of telephones, we painted our faces. There was an entire grocery store of pretend food. I have never seen so much plastic food in my life! There were baby chicks, that Wednesday started bobbing his head at like they were doing under the plastic. There was so so much to do I can't even remember half of it. It was super good times, though.

To finish, please send my pumpkins happy pumpkin thoughts. They have been neglected since it quit raining and I got sick. They were VERY droopy when I went out there. I watered the heck out of them though and they look appreciative. I talked to them and apologized. The Ol' Zebs are putting out flowers! AHHHH!

Next week

2008-07-08T21:52:00.001-05:00

I want to do Manager Mom's group post on your thinking/working space, and Bebellyboo's meme on your favorite books and authors. Fun stuff! PIF forever! Huzzuh!

Tada! Pursize!!!

2008-07-07T16:54:00.003-05:00

Contest Goodies! These are the magazines and Texas things, along with the tab markers and photo pen.
Here we have the adult books I have available right now, but I can pick others too and save these for another giveaway. The fun bookmarks and magnets from Half Price Books are here too.
This is the children's stuff I have put together. I'd like to include at least 1 actual children's book as well.

Old Lady

2008-07-07T07:49:00.003-05:00

So I took some Tylenol and Chlorotrimesomething...yeah spell check try that one! And I am better enough so that if the boys accidentally bump me I won't scream. That was NOT fun this morning. Winston has a very slight ear infection and is on meds for 10 days. I took the pictures of contest goodies and will post them during nap time if I'm not dead...

I went to sleep at 7:45 last night. So did my kids. I think we all feel like total crapito. I'm walking around like a stopped old lady! I'm taking Winston to the doctor today, and hopefully we will all feel better soon.

My goals for today are to get up pictures of what I have accumulated for my prize for Mommy Daisy and add all of the fabulous blogs I found through the contests to my blogroll. I hurt my wrist knitting... Seriously, I have turned into an old person.

That's all I can manage. I'm just sitting here like a blob... real posts to come, promise!

Where the Wild Things Grow

2008-07-06T06:30:00.000-05:00

Back on the 10th of June the boys and I finally planted the pumpkin seeds I've had for almost a year. I bought them last year after reading Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingslover, but didn't realize until they got to me that it was too late to plant them.

So I worked for a week getting the soil ready in a patch behind the tree/sandbox. I don't think I've ever sweat so much in my entire life. But it was good work, and brought back fond memories of mud pie making as a child (we had cherry and peach trees plus a grape vine, so they were actually semi-edible!).

Winston helped me dig the little trenches and push in the stakes to mark the rows. We planted the seeds together, his little hands so big that in the pictures it's hard for me to tell us apart.

All of this happened on the second day of Summer Camp with Wednesday playing close by in the sandbox. I wanted the pumpkins to grow with the boys this summer.

We came in all hot and disgusting, me knowing full well I wouldn't have time for a shower until AFTER I took Winston to camp the next morning. I'm sure I was beautiful that Wed. I had The Mr. look at his calendar, which lists famous people's birthdays for almost every day of the year. It was really kind of strange what came up. June 10th in Maurice Sendack's birthday. The man who wrote Where the Wild Things Are. Last year I was reading Barbara Kinglover's book all through the Halloween/Fall season when I ordered the pumpkin seeds.

Last Halloween, after much thought and lots of planning, Winston and I decided he would be a Wild Thing for Halloween. More specifically the one with the striped fur and horns. So the seeds that I bought last year when Winston was a Wild Thing were planted on Maurice Sendack birthday. And of course, Wednesday's costume for his first Halloween last year was....

a sprout!

It's so funny how the universe can put things in order like that. The pumpkins sprouted on Fathers' Day and started to put out vines on Independence Day. I think they are some very smart pumpkins...

Sea of Love

2008-07-05T22:00:00.000-05:00

(I wrote this last Sunday and then forgot to push publish. I didn't want it to interfere with contest stuff so I've held on to it...)

We just got home from the beach. It was fantastic. My legs feel like noodles and my brain is nice and sun-fuzzy. We took the surfboard and The Mr. caught a couple of small waves. Winston sat on the board and The Mr. pushed him with the wave. That child just balanced perfectly on the surfboard for 15 yards or so. He just sat there like it was the easiest thing he'd ever done. He is my husband's child through and through.

Wednesday was not fond of the scratchy seaweed today. I wrote their names in the sand with my foot and he sat down to play. I showed him how to press the wet sand into his legs and feet and he was completely enamored. I offered him my feet too and he was in heaven. The partly dried sand looked like elephant skin, or really good brownies, all brown and cracked. I wet his hair in the water and the curl it created was shaped like the caricature of a wave. Perfect beach hair without even knowing it.

We ate figs from the Farmers' Market yesterday and drank big glugs of Fresca straight from the bottle. It was a great trip. The pool noodle even made an appearance toward the end.

Here's a song to help set the tone of our beach noodleness...

Winner Time!!!!

2008-07-05T08:29:00.003-05:00

I'm so happy about this I squeaked!! The winner is Mommy Daisy!! You were number 79 and that is the number the "atmospheric noise" on random.org picked. Woohoo! I will email you in just a second to get your mailing information. You win lots of cool stuff and so does your little boy! Yay!!! I will post pictures of the things I've already mentioned later today, and then of the surprise things after I know Mommy Daisy has received her package.

Also, I won the contest at 3 Giraffes! So we'll be having another PIF very soon, probably as soon as I get Mommy Daisy's things in the mail. My brain has already been percolating...

The End of the end

2008-07-04T07:47:00.002-05:00

Don't you miss those old cartoon where Porky Pig burst through the screen and said, "That's all folks!"? The closest thing I can think of is a Backyardigan sticking their head out of the door at the end of the show.

Anyway, today is the end of my Pay it Forward Contest. You have until 10:00 tonight to enter if you haven't yet. Then, tomorrow, probably during nap time, I will plug my numbers into the Random Number Generator thingy and pick a winner. I myself couldn't keep from commenting on your comments, so I will take my numbers out if they are chosen.

I really enjoyed this contest, and every single one of your comments. My plan is to keep up with all of you as best I can, so that maybe I can start a regular (seasonal) book giveaway/read-a-long if y'all are interested.

And, just because I never answered my own question...

I love pecan pie and pumpkin if it has whip cream. But for the most part, I will eat any cake that is close enough to my face to shovel it in. My favorite is probably my Grandmother's chocolate cake, followed by her pineapple, followed by my own birthday cake recipe adaptation from the Betty Crocker Cookbook. Let's throw in red velvet because my stomach says so.

So Happy End Of Contest Day! I'll see you guys tomorrow for winner time!

Fort Groupie

2008-06-30T07:00:00.002-05:00

So Swistle had a fabulous idea to have a Group Effort Pay it Forward Contest. So that's what we're doing! The general plan is:

1. A bunch of us will all independently hold Pay it Forward contests starting today or tomorrow (tues.).

2. The contests will end July 4th, and winners will be chosen.

3. Those winners will then each hold their own Pay it Forward contests (hence the forward part), and so and so on this is the song that never ends la la la.

SO!

The Fort Groupie Cookiemonks Contest!

The Prize: A gift package of lovingly selected books, book things, and candy. This will be determined after a winner is chosen and can be as general or specific as the winner would like. I LOVE choosing books for people! I can just wing it, or you can tell me exactly what you've been dieing to read. Also, a genre suggestion would work and I can go from there. If you have kids I'd like to include them too. As far as the candy goes the same guidelines will work. Book things will be name plates, book marks, etc, etc as I find something cute. I will most likely do my book shopping at Barnes and Noble and Half Price Books. The candy will come from the grocery store I'm sure. If you have any other questions about this let me know.

The End: My contest will end at bedtime on July 4th. To be safe, I'd say 10:00 central time, k?

The Question for Comments: Are you a cake lover, or do you prefer pie?

I think that's all folks. I hope this will be as fun for you guys as it is for me! Yippy Skippy!

Edited to Add: I just got back from short Walmart trip (the WRONG Walmart! Not the one I intended to go too, I iz Stoopid). I picked up a few goodies for my contest. Some funny Texas mementos that can double as bookmarks, some really pretty tab markers, a photo frame pen, and a copy of a gorgeous magazine I love. Just wanted to let y'all know! Lot's more stuff to come!

More Adding Please: No math though, promise. We went to Half Price Books tonight and I found a bunch of funny/cute bookmarks, a neat kiddy craft book, and a possible adult book if it fits the winner (if not I'll read it, yay!). Also, I had a sick friend who hasn't called me back yet. If she doesn't I have a bunch of other kids stuff I can include in my prize. I'm waiting on any other adult books until I know who wins!

Stuff

2008-06-28T02:47:00.000-05:00

So I'm trying to figure out exactly what I want to do for the Pay It Forward Contest. I'm thinking books and book related pretty things. Candy to eat while reading the books would be good too, right? Right now I just thought about something like... I don't know. I need to think some more.

That was helpful wasn't it. Yeah, Winston coughed so hard he gagged himself or I wouldn't be awake right now. I'm going to look up patterns on Ravelry and then browse Etsy until I can't see anymore and can go back to sleep without my brain gnawing at me.

But books, for anyone interested. Book themed contest coming Monday. Night Night

Pay It Forward Contest!

2008-06-26T10:22:00.000-05:00

a la Swistle! (www.swistle.blogspot.com) I don't know how to do linky thingies yet where the name is the link. More details when she gives them! Yippy Skippy and other such excited words please. Thanks!

Chain of Events

2008-06-24T18:32:00.000-05:00

Winston home from camp and taking a much deserved nap on the couch

Thunder outside, storms close by

Cat Power on the cd player, a gift from my brother

Bubble bath with Wednesday, hot and zen and soft baby

Read just to Wednesday Super Brain Baby, and Kittens with soft fur to pet

Rubber cement smell everywhere, working on teacher gifts with baby close by

Winston awake

Tears and Drama and Grape juice all over me

Stories again, with both boys....Dirt and Puss in Boots Rawr!

Dress up, initiated my Wednesday with a major character change

Cooking dinner, Winston asks to do Yoga, and now they are watching Annie like Madeline, I said, except not loved like Miss Clevel, he was shocked and thrilled at the thought of Not love.

The end, for now.