Deserving

I watched Jon and Kate last night and I am MAD.  I am furious, and I don't even know these people.  There are so many things I could say, but it boils to this:  No one deserves to have their spouse flake out on them, go out drinking and cavorting with college students, and abandon their obligations to go stay at their Mama's house.

Is Kate over-bearing and over-controlling?  YES.  But how would YOU be if you had 8 children?  She is a nurse by profession, which I don't think is ever taken into consideration.  She is the main caregiver, regardless of how it is construed, for eight small beings.  I'm sick and tired of people saying she brought this upon her self!  She has remained constant in her personality throughout the show.  I don't think there is anything wrong with having high expectations and hopes for your husband.  And when they disappoint you?  You have the right to be disappointed!!

John married and had children very young.  Well isn't he special?  So did I, and so do hundreds of thousands of other people.  No, those people don't all have 8 kids, but they don't have all the perks of being on television either.  It bothers me that just when Kate has found something that makes her really happy, John decides he can't do it anymore.  I'm almost positive he resents her for her new-found success as a speaker/writer.  He is having to stay home with the kids more, and not getting to leave by himself every day for work anymore.  I'm sorry, but I have no sympathy.

And the backstabbing by Kate's family members?  I do not understand, obviously something horrible has happened in their relationships and it could very well be all her fault.  Still, she is, in my opinion, doing her damnedest to keep things stable for all those pretty babies.

I don't want to hear that she's only cooking on the show to promote a new cookbook.  There have been dozens and dozens of shows during which she cooked.  Newflash to the media?  Stay -at-home-moms cook for their children.

It's just wrong all the way around with everyone involved, but she is not a demon.  She is their MOTHER.  I would work my ass off just as hard to make things appear right when they weren't, to keep my kids safe, and make sure that the people who were in their lives were there for the right reasons.

Ok, end of my rant.

Why?

Why have I not posted here is so very, very long?  I have been really busy, but mostly, I've just turned into a large chicken with no writing mojo what-so-ever.  I have feathers and everything!  So what if they're Mardi Gras colors and I keep them in the garage; it's legitimate!

Anyway, there is something important that must attended to on this here blog, besides, you know, POSTING something.

My Bebe, in my belly, is a BOY!!!  I twittered it on Monday when we found out, but my feathers are in the garage right now, so I thought I should take the time to tell you!  Also Winston is at the grocery store with The Mr., but whatever...

We are super stoked, and the thought of THREE brothers all together just melts my heart.  

But I have a mission, for those of you who choose to accept it.  The new baby needs a blog-name!  I'd like it to start with a "w" since the others boys do, but I'd definitely make an exception for a fabulous name suggestion!

I do love you guys so dearly, and hopefully I can keep my noo-noo together enough to at least write short posts here for a while.

Breakfast With Tiffany

I only ate one piece of cinnamon toast, with Splenda, if that helps your mental image.  The scales at the doctor's office are not forgiving, and I didn't want my recently consumed breakfast to mess anything up.  

With one pound gained, we, Mama, Papa, and current baby, waited for almost an hour to hear the newest one's heartbeat.  Talking with your spouse while only the quiet child is in the room is never a bad thing, but he had to leave for office hours before the doctor came in.

Of course, as that is the way these things work, not two minutes later my OB walked in.  She was confident of the child growing in my womb, but the anticipation as she pushed against my gooped up tummy trying to find said being is always hard.  I watched her face as she concentrated, and my boy while he listened for a sound he once made.

Finally, it was there, that fast "bum bum bum bum" that I longed for.  Is it magic that I can love someone that is only 3 inches long?

It was after that appointment that I realized I was ready to end a sacred relationship I have with my 2 year old.  Although he has only been nursing to go to sleep for sometime, it is time for us to move forward.  My heart is breaking, yes, but I feel strong enough to do this now.  How do I finish something that has been my peace and my comfort, along with his, for two and a half years?

The books don't help, this is between me and my marvelous boy.  This precious love who, through this partnership, has come to know me better than anyone else.  He knows when I'm sad before the others notice, he whispers "I love you" in my ear when I need it most, and he holds my neck tight when he hugs me because we have to be that close, always.

He is so excited to be a big brother, he says the words reverently and holds himself while he dreams of it.  Both of our hearts are big enough, but his place will never be filled.

(Can anyone guess the song that coaxed my muse out of bed this morning?)

Funny Weird, Funny Ha-Ha

Funny Weird:

I took the boys to Half-Price Books.  After wandering around the store and gathering quite a load of words, we went to get a snack.  The person in line behind me commented on the amount of books we had in the stroller basket and I just smiled.  

The person, upon closer inspection, was a very kind older man dressed as a woman, who promptly called Wednesday a girl.  I corrected the error by just reaching down and calling Wednesday my "sweet boy".  Then, I found out that the coffee shop there doesn't take debit cards.  "I don't have any money!", I said in a panicked voice.  The woman behind the counter, who I suspect is also part owner said, "Oh, I'm here until 3:00, just come back and pay me when you can."  Whaaa???  In 2009 there is still a coffee shop where you can come back and pay where you don't have any cash?

So I went to the table where Winston was waiting and wouldn't let them touch their snack until I dug through my purse to see in there was some money in there.  I found a stray $10, and went back up to the counter to pay.  The older man (the cashier called him a he, so I'm sticking to that) looked as me and said, "They're very trusting.". 

It just felt like such a strange cross-section of life.  And I was so honored to be right there, with my children, seeing all of the beauty humans still hold.

Funny Ha-Ha:

This morning, with both boys in the bed to wake me up, I had a severe round ligament pain after coughing lightly.  I rolled on my side quickly, clutching my side and mumbling profanities under my breath.  I scared Wednesday and he started crying.  Poor baby thought I was mad at him.  I did my best to comfort him and explain to them what happened and we all made our way to the bathroom for Mama's Morning Pee.  I promptly sneeze and blew snot out my nose, I am classy like that.  "Excuse me, PLEASE!".  Wednesday looked on in horror as I grab a wad of toilet paper to clean up my nose and blow it very loudly.  He had a very serious look on his face  and asked, "Do you has a bug in your nose?".  I lost it with the giggles, toilet paper still pressed to my face.  I couldn't even finish blowing my nose!!  

Holy Moly it was so funny.  I needed to sneeze again just a moment later and couldn't do that either for the giggles that erupted again....

I had to assure Wednesday at least three times that I did not, in fact, have a bug in my nose.

The End.  

Just Like Old Times, When Nothing is the Same.

I knew.  We knew, my husband and I both, but we almost pretended we couldn't hear that small little voice making it's presence known.

Creation came just days before the first should have made us three.  Unknown hormones plus painful memories made me crazy.

3 days late I bought a test.  With "the baby" in the playpen I went with my trusty cup and wondered if I would pass.

The directions open in front of me, I watched my "self" move across the window.  "Wait a minute, I thought the test line was on the right?".

I called my husband, who was advising a student in his office and said, "Well, I can tell you now or wait until you get home."

"I'm pregnant!"

So now we're going at it all again...

Some things are so much the same, it seems eery.  Is their large furniture waiting to be put together?  Yes.  Did I spend the first two months feeling dizzy, sick, and tired all morning?  Yes.  Am I already having the kind of pains that aren't supposed to happen for months?  Yes.

But there is significantly less anxiety this time.  Before this zygote wiggled it's way into my heart, the only way I felt at peace with my future was with three kids in it.  There was always one missing; one that got away.

The boys call this one "Tummy Baby", and Winston insists it's either a girl, or there are two babies in my belly.  Whoever this may be has an official arrival date of October 3, 2009.

Happy Freakin' Valentine's Day

Somehow in the midst of all of the floor drama I remembered to buy Valentines for Winston's class and teachers.  I even got teacher Valentines for Wednesday to give, since they interact with them so much.

I spent all day yesterday explaining to Winston how we were going to fill out Valentines.  This morning we painstakingly wrote all the names on all the little cards, and licked the envelopes for his teacher's.

When we got to school I turned in the form to register both boys for school next year.  It only cost be 80 bajillion dollars, and 3 toes.  

Then we stopped at the picnic tables to I could give the boys the cards for the head teacher and assistant to hand out as soon as they walked in.  The boys are excited.  Mommy is just Mommy, and when we walk in the classroom it all goes to HELL.

We are not supposed to give Valentine cards to anyone at school.  The assistant won't even touch the cards the boys chose and wrote in by themselves.  She doesn't know if she can accept it.  I just brush it off, but poor Winston.  He is heart-broken.  He worked hard on those cards and he loves his teachers so much...

She hugs me and says she sorry.  She gives me a long story about why the note to tell us not to bring cards never went home with the students (!!!!!!).  But there was an email sent out, apparently.  The first email EVER sent by the school to make an announcement.  EVER, people.  Tuition reminders come in the email by request.  Obviously I have not checked that address for anything important, because it never holds anything important.

I am so mad.  I am furious.  They broke my kid's heart because they couldn't get their act together enough to send out a freaking note.  I wasted my children's time, and now this Friday before Valentine's Day that was supposed to be happy, and started out so very well is shattered.

I really hope Winston has an ok day at school.  And I'm praying that my husband can watch Wednesday when it's time for pick up to I can just grab Winston and get the Hell out of there.

Also, Halloween in not supposed to be recognized, even though I was given permission from the teachers to put together goody bags last October.

I had plans to put together something in honor of Mardi Gras, but I'm SOOOO not doing it now.  I bought kingcake scented candles to give the teachers.  NOT HAPPENING.  I will find someone else for Winston to gift them with.  

It's all so surly and snobby and heartless.  It is everything this school is not.  Sigh....

I'm glad it's Friday.  And we are going to be almost late on Monday so I don't have to talk to anyone.

  

UPDATE:

Oh my I am so awful for taking this long to answer comments.  Thank you all for reading and supporting Winston and me.  There were actually two other mothers who KNEW the rule and brought stuff anyway, one of which went to speak to the director.  The next week was full of hitting and pushing, and I don't know that it's connected, but it had never happened before.

So everything seems to be back to normal now, and today I going to help his class make cookies.  I love you guys, I'll do better with the next post:  Promise!!  

 

So What Had Happened Was...

We're having the floor fixed.  Two summers ago is got so hot, and was so wet for so long, that it bucked the floors in the kitchen and the den.  Eventually the floor cracked and, in the kitchen at least, started to come up all on it's own.  So we put rugs over it, and called it a day.

But for some reason, we decided when we were coming back form LA the last time that we were going to have it fixed.

So now the cats are in the back of the house covering every surface with cat hair and gunk, we are staying at my MIL's, and my floor is white with primer.  The actual color is supposed to be darker, and that's why I'm sitting in my deconstructed house waiting for the painters.  I need to know that my floor will in fact be the color of "fond memories" (HA!), and not off white.  

After they show up we are sooo going to the bookstore, and I am sooo buying a stupid werewolf/vampire book.  

They are supposed to come back tomorrow and move the fridge in form the garage, along with all of the other den/kitchen furniture.  Then I have to clean the back of the house like no body's business...blech...  THEN, we're supposed to have the carpet replace in the living room/entryway, and have the light/fan fixed in the boys room, and get a new TV, and a new bed for the boys...and and and...this all sounds good in theory, but I'm not good at being kicked out of my own house.

I want to go through the toys as well and get rid of what we can.

I have lots of other things I'd like to write about.  I have a brother centered post: tattoos, concerts, and Bambi music; I want to write about Olivia, and something else..we'll see.

My punctuation is horrid, but this is my home place and it can be disheveled...