Ramblings

A warning first. There is nothing important being said here. I can't promise any great reward or understanding in my concluding paragraph. My English teacher's would not be happy with this writing. So please, only read if you want to.



I started blogging in my head months before I actually started Cookiemonks. I actually started it and then deleted it once before I finally committed to making it real. I did the same with Twitter. I joined, and tweeted away in my brain, but didn't say very much. I'm still uncomfortable reducing my word count so that I fit in that box and sound somewhat intelligent. Poetry is something I find impossible to pull out of my head. Without an internal tape recorder in there to catch the phrases, they just leap frantically across my vision. Grammar Gazelles. I did write fast enough to capture one for my husband about a month ago. He says he read it, but didn't realize I had written it. He thought I just found it and sent it to him. I kind of did, but my mind formed the words before my hands typed them.



I am feeling rather unclever these days. There are so many others out there who are so much more than I have time to be. With the election over I feel like my air has been let out slightly. Too much important work needs to be done for me to find value in the trivial things I feel lead to write about. I have something pretty well put together that ties True Blood and Miss Louisiana mishaps together. But who cares? I have to care. Music is something I've needed to talk about for a long time. It's so big though; the smell hairspray on Halloween made me want to perform when I haven't since I was pregnant with Winston.

All of my clothes fit again. It matters only in the fact that I recognize myself in the mirror after seeing someone else for a good 3 years. Close pregnancies were wonderful, but a curse at the same time. I think the hormones have finally settled now that the baby will soon be two. With that part closed for now, I want to see myself as a writer, in conjunction with my permanent Mommy mantle. But mostly I just see too many dirty dishes, and mountains of laundry, and gorgeous yarn for projects I can't complete.

I wonder sometimes what experiences I would have gained if I would have stepped outside the geeky-brain-girl box just a little bit sooner. My family, as it is today, would be much the same. These are my only people in the world. But what would I have gained, if I'd stopped caring about grades for just a little while longer. One of these days I'll finish school. I even missed that for a few fleeting moments when I had to bring The Mr. something at work (he is a professor).

Winston forced me up from here to chase him. It was fun, I'm not good at that most of the time. I chased both the boys, and peeled their sweaty jammies off, and gave them pretend Halloween tattoos, and blew bubbles at the cats with them. "Make an ooo and blow through it". At least I taught someone to blow bubbles in my lifetime.


I'm baking a pumpkin with no plans for a pie. That is my wild and crazy side these days. I've never really had one to begin with. I think I'm going to blend it with some cream cheese and brown some marshmallows on top. It will taste good, if nothing else.

I have to keep writing, even with nothing to say. My brain has come back to me in such huge amounts since I've started that it would never forgive me if I stopped.

So here's to vampires and maybe even Elizabeth Hasselbeck. They're coming. If I stop them they'll kill me!