Breakfast With Tiffany

I only ate one piece of cinnamon toast, with Splenda, if that helps your mental image.  The scales at the doctor's office are not forgiving, and I didn't want my recently consumed breakfast to mess anything up.  

With one pound gained, we, Mama, Papa, and current baby, waited for almost an hour to hear the newest one's heartbeat.  Talking with your spouse while only the quiet child is in the room is never a bad thing, but he had to leave for office hours before the doctor came in.

Of course, as that is the way these things work, not two minutes later my OB walked in.  She was confident of the child growing in my womb, but the anticipation as she pushed against my gooped up tummy trying to find said being is always hard.  I watched her face as she concentrated, and my boy while he listened for a sound he once made.

Finally, it was there, that fast "bum bum bum bum" that I longed for.  Is it magic that I can love someone that is only 3 inches long?

It was after that appointment that I realized I was ready to end a sacred relationship I have with my 2 year old.  Although he has only been nursing to go to sleep for sometime, it is time for us to move forward.  My heart is breaking, yes, but I feel strong enough to do this now.  How do I finish something that has been my peace and my comfort, along with his, for two and a half years?

The books don't help, this is between me and my marvelous boy.  This precious love who, through this partnership, has come to know me better than anyone else.  He knows when I'm sad before the others notice, he whispers "I love you" in my ear when I need it most, and he holds my neck tight when he hugs me because we have to be that close, always.

He is so excited to be a big brother, he says the words reverently and holds himself while he dreams of it.  Both of our hearts are big enough, but his place will never be filled.

(Can anyone guess the song that coaxed my muse out of bed this morning?)

Funny Weird, Funny Ha-Ha

Funny Weird:

I took the boys to Half-Price Books.  After wandering around the store and gathering quite a load of words, we went to get a snack.  The person in line behind me commented on the amount of books we had in the stroller basket and I just smiled.  

The person, upon closer inspection, was a very kind older man dressed as a woman, who promptly called Wednesday a girl.  I corrected the error by just reaching down and calling Wednesday my "sweet boy".  Then, I found out that the coffee shop there doesn't take debit cards.  "I don't have any money!", I said in a panicked voice.  The woman behind the counter, who I suspect is also part owner said, "Oh, I'm here until 3:00, just come back and pay me when you can."  Whaaa???  In 2009 there is still a coffee shop where you can come back and pay where you don't have any cash?

So I went to the table where Winston was waiting and wouldn't let them touch their snack until I dug through my purse to see in there was some money in there.  I found a stray $10, and went back up to the counter to pay.  The older man (the cashier called him a he, so I'm sticking to that) looked as me and said, "They're very trusting.". 

It just felt like such a strange cross-section of life.  And I was so honored to be right there, with my children, seeing all of the beauty humans still hold.

Funny Ha-Ha:

This morning, with both boys in the bed to wake me up, I had a severe round ligament pain after coughing lightly.  I rolled on my side quickly, clutching my side and mumbling profanities under my breath.  I scared Wednesday and he started crying.  Poor baby thought I was mad at him.  I did my best to comfort him and explain to them what happened and we all made our way to the bathroom for Mama's Morning Pee.  I promptly sneeze and blew snot out my nose, I am classy like that.  "Excuse me, PLEASE!".  Wednesday looked on in horror as I grab a wad of toilet paper to clean up my nose and blow it very loudly.  He had a very serious look on his face  and asked, "Do you has a bug in your nose?".  I lost it with the giggles, toilet paper still pressed to my face.  I couldn't even finish blowing my nose!!  

Holy Moly it was so funny.  I needed to sneeze again just a moment later and couldn't do that either for the giggles that erupted again....

I had to assure Wednesday at least three times that I did not, in fact, have a bug in my nose.

The End.  

Just Like Old Times, When Nothing is the Same.

I knew.  We knew, my husband and I both, but we almost pretended we couldn't hear that small little voice making it's presence known.

Creation came just days before the first should have made us three.  Unknown hormones plus painful memories made me crazy.

3 days late I bought a test.  With "the baby" in the playpen I went with my trusty cup and wondered if I would pass.

The directions open in front of me, I watched my "self" move across the window.  "Wait a minute, I thought the test line was on the right?".

I called my husband, who was advising a student in his office and said, "Well, I can tell you now or wait until you get home."

"I'm pregnant!"

So now we're going at it all again...

Some things are so much the same, it seems eery.  Is their large furniture waiting to be put together?  Yes.  Did I spend the first two months feeling dizzy, sick, and tired all morning?  Yes.  Am I already having the kind of pains that aren't supposed to happen for months?  Yes.

But there is significantly less anxiety this time.  Before this zygote wiggled it's way into my heart, the only way I felt at peace with my future was with three kids in it.  There was always one missing; one that got away.

The boys call this one "Tummy Baby", and Winston insists it's either a girl, or there are two babies in my belly.  Whoever this may be has an official arrival date of October 3, 2009.