With one pound gained, we, Mama, Papa, and current baby, waited for almost an hour to hear the newest one's heartbeat. Talking with your spouse while only the quiet child is in the room is never a bad thing, but he had to leave for office hours before the doctor came in.
Of course, as that is the way these things work, not two minutes later my OB walked in. She was confident of the child growing in my womb, but the anticipation as she pushed against my gooped up tummy trying to find said being is always hard. I watched her face as she concentrated, and my boy while he listened for a sound he once made.
Finally, it was there, that fast "bum bum bum bum" that I longed for. Is it magic that I can love someone that is only 3 inches long?
It was after that appointment that I realized I was ready to end a sacred relationship I have with my 2 year old. Although he has only been nursing to go to sleep for sometime, it is time for us to move forward. My heart is breaking, yes, but I feel strong enough to do this now. How do I finish something that has been my peace and my comfort, along with his, for two and a half years?
The books don't help, this is between me and my marvelous boy. This precious love who, through this partnership, has come to know me better than anyone else. He knows when I'm sad before the others notice, he whispers "I love you" in my ear when I need it most, and he holds my neck tight when he hugs me because we have to be that close, always.
He is so excited to be a big brother, he says the words reverently and holds himself while he dreams of it. Both of our hearts are big enough, but his place will never be filled.
(Can anyone guess the song that coaxed my muse out of bed this morning?)
3 comments:
Like I've said so often, I love hearing the heartbeat- it gets me every time!
I stopped nursing when Askur was 2. I had to because I was going in for surgery. I just told him that he was a big boy now and no more boobies. It went very smoothly. I don't feel like our special bond has been broken. We still have our quiet moments in the afternoons and evenings. They just involve a book and hugs now. So don't worry too much. The love won't go away, it'll just evolve :)
Awww, how sweet. I am happy for you, and your little one. :) He will do just fine, I bet. As will you.
I found you! :-p
And hooray for a heartbeat! That's so very exciting. =)
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