Just Like Old Times, When Nothing is the Same.

I knew.  We knew, my husband and I both, but we almost pretended we couldn't hear that small little voice making it's presence known.

Creation came just days before the first should have made us three.  Unknown hormones plus painful memories made me crazy.

3 days late I bought a test.  With "the baby" in the playpen I went with my trusty cup and wondered if I would pass.

The directions open in front of me, I watched my "self" move across the window.  "Wait a minute, I thought the test line was on the right?".

I called my husband, who was advising a student in his office and said, "Well, I can tell you now or wait until you get home."

"I'm pregnant!"

So now we're going at it all again...

Some things are so much the same, it seems eery.  Is their large furniture waiting to be put together?  Yes.  Did I spend the first two months feeling dizzy, sick, and tired all morning?  Yes.  Am I already having the kind of pains that aren't supposed to happen for months?  Yes.

But there is significantly less anxiety this time.  Before this zygote wiggled it's way into my heart, the only way I felt at peace with my future was with three kids in it.  There was always one missing; one that got away.

The boys call this one "Tummy Baby", and Winston insists it's either a girl, or there are two babies in my belly.  Whoever this may be has an official arrival date of October 3, 2009.