Madonna No Child

In Madonna's first children's book, The English Roses , she tells the story of a beautiful girl named Binah, whose beauty makes her the envy of four girls in her class. The four young ladies proceed to speak badly of Binah and ignore her at school until a fairy godmother comes to them in a dream and shows them the hard life that Binah lives everyday. Now, in the revelation of yesterday's news of the Madonna-Ritchie split, I'd like for us all to replace Binah with Cynthia Rodriguez, and remember Madonna's own rosy message that we shouldn't assume that someone else's life is better than our own. Specifically when your own life, and the one you're considering, both involve marriages and children.


I am beyond riffled by Her Madge-esty’s choices for multiple reasons. Having never been a great fan, I’ve always respected her music and mastery at reinventing herself. This time, though, I think her reinvention has finally gotten the better of her. This is mostly because of the three small humans that currently call her Mama, or something like it, everyday. I wonder, as she assumes a new character once again, if her chameleon-like behavior has affected those kids the way it has her past relationships. Was her inability to simply be herself what lead to her past and present divorces? Her move from sexpot to intergalactic hippie after Lourdes was born was encouraging, and I thought maybe she'd finally gotten it. Children are usually very good at upending one's vanity. The fake British accent she donned after marrying Guy Ritchie and moving to London was contemptuous as best, but she seemed stable, if not overly strict, for her kids. Now that entire span of time comes across as just another page in her book, or maybe a documentary considering her recent endeavors!


When the news of Alex and Cynthia Rodriguez divorce came out, I was sure Cynthia was to blame. With the rumors of shopping sprees in Paris and affairs with Lenny Kravitz (chastity much, Lenny?), I confidently presumed that Madonna had been nothing more than a surreal spiritual guide to Alex as he went through a marital rough patch. Perez is reporting now that none of the former rumors about Cynthia are true, and that it's nearly fact that Madonna and ARod have been having an affair. He is also saying that Lourdes wants to spend more time with her Dad, Carlos Leon, in New York. Thinking of the other kids, I can't imagine Guy Ritchie just letting them move across the ocean to NY with no ramifications. It was my understanding as well that it was Guy's constant presence in their lives allowed baby David to call them his “forever family”. Considering what this could mean for that sweet boy heartbreaking. The former Mrs. Ritchie faces the loss of serious time with each of her children, on top of the destruction of two family unions.


Overall Madonna is really just too old for this current stunt. I'm not sure we care to see her newest metamorphosis if coming out of the cocoon means sloughing off responsibility for her children. But then again, maybe she has never known who she is at her core to begin with. It's a mystery. Maybe she could hire Sherlock Holmes to figure it out for her, I hear he's coming to theaters soon with the help of some Guy.


At least if she does end up in a tangled love affair with Alex Rodriguez she has some on the job training to fall back on. I mean, she did star in "A League of Their Own", and looking at pictures from her latest tour, I bet she could give excellent pointers on the protection of his nether regions during a game!









So there you have it! Crabby GoLightly and I co-authored a version of this same article up at Crabbygolightly.com (http://www.crabbygolightly.com/madge.html), please go read it too to get her feelings on this split as well! Also, I', posting this original at opensalon.com if you'd like to come nake comments over there: http://open.salon.com/content.php?cid=30401!